Friday, March 16

My Facebook letter to Sam Brownback.

In case you haven't heard, the Kansas legislature is considering allowing doctors to LIE TO THEIR PATIENTS about the results of an amniocentesis so that the family will not abort a baby with a genetic abnormality. Governor Sam Brownback has said that women "should go work somewhere else" if they don't like their employer's birth control policy. (I can't believe I just typed 'employer's birth control policy' as if that should have any power whatsoever.)

Anyway, many women are having fun at Brownback's Facebook page, informing him of the progress of their menstrual cycles and seeking lady part advice from him.

Here's my letter. Warning, this letter is actually much more sacriligious than I am in real life, but my guardian angel, who looks just like a healthy Amy Winehouse, told me that was okay given the circumstances.
Dear Governor Brownback, Several years ago I had to have surgery on my uterus to remove fibroid tumors that were preventing me from holding on to any pregnancy. The doctor (who could have been lying with impunity, who knows?) said the fibroid tumors were acting as an IUD and actually rejecting any fertilized egg in my womb.
Did GOD put an IUD in my uterus?
Was God giving me multiple abortions while I was desperately trying to get pregnant?
Maybe all my fertilized eggs pre-surgery had Down's syndrome, and God aborted them because of that?
After the operation, I gave birth to three white, legitimate children who go to Christian Sunday School. Should I tell them to wear little gold plated transvaginal ultrasound wands around their necks, to celebrate all the abortions God gave me before they were born?
 The surgery was paid for by Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Alabama. So was the birth control my husband and I used to determine the timing of bearing my three white, legitimate, Christian Sunday School-going children.
Important question: Can the taxpayers get a refund for all that birth control that they never paid for? Because, you know, that could solve yer state budget crisis right there.
Seriously, Governor Brownback, and I mean this 100% sincerely, may God have mercy on your soul. 
Frances Langum, Springfield Illinois


  1. I've always said God aborts more babies than humans. If its OK for him . . .

  2. Aubreyslaw I actually don't believe that God sends us miscarriages, and I am not dismissing the pain and suffering that I and others have gone through in having miscarriages. It seems to me if Brownback et al want to have power over birth control decisions made by families, they need to take responsibility for the whole process, which they obviously don't. It's religious tyranny, not freedom.

  3. 'three white, legitimate children' made me guffaw.

  4. Well said, and I didn't see any sacrilege at all, but then I'm one of those.


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