Ep 728 The Professional Left Podcast (Happy Birthday To Me)

Happy Birthday, @LizzWinstead!

This post was originally written for another amazing woman, but it fits Lizz Winstead, co-creator of The Daily Show and let's face it, Goddess, just as well. - bg

I wanted to make a blog cake for Lizz Winstead. I knew trying to slice a cake on the internet would get really messy, and would interrupt my morning Scotch, so I went with cupcakes, and of course they had to be Hello Kitty cupcakes, cuz they're so fucking cute.

I searched on Google for Hello Kitty cupcake ideas and holy shit I could have taken the whole morning just to browse the endless stream of freakish Asian cute sugar overload. 210,000 hits in .24 seconds? Fuck me. And even if you're making these for a three year old, get over it: every one of them looked like shit. We have lots of Hello Kitty items cluttering up my fucking house, so I cut out a Hello Kitty (head only, DECAPITATION, PERFECT!) from my Hello, Kitty! social events calendar, fuck you very much. I tried to find one that was the size of a muffin-size cake top, so I could just paste it on a vending machine muffin, but I failed, so I dug out the Hello Kitty Shrinky Dinks kit and baked one in my Hello Kitty toaster oven, too small to stick my head in, but whatever.

One website suggested I purchase white fondant (Sure.), roll this out and with a sharp knife cut 39 (forever, Lizz!) Hello Kitty heads out. They also suggested I use mini M&M's (split in half to get the oblong shape, beyotch) for the eyes and nose. I am also supposed to dye some of the fondant pink and use a flower shape cutter to put by her ear. For the centre of the flower, I'm supposed to have 39 yellow mini M&Ms available, fucking A!

After assembling these, I am to wake up and realize I had spent two hours with mother fucking FONDANT. What the hell was I thinking? So then I made the cupcakes (just basic chocolate cake mix, because hey, why go over the top at this point?) and iced them with canned icing, dyed pink from the blood streaming from my eyes. I put my imaginary fondant Hello Kitty heads on top of the cupcakes, and finally gave up and just used Sharpie pen for the whiskers, because, fuck it.

They looked like shit and because of the Sharpie Pen, school paste, and blood they were completely inedible. I had to set fire to them, but that made them look like a kind of cool art installation, you know, Hello Kitty Cupcakes of Death. Perfect!

Happy Birthday Lizz. Those of you who want to wish her a happy birthday should retweet this post, because the real Governor of Illinois is Blogho.

Happy Birthday, Sherry of After the Bridge!

So I really wanted to do something special for Sherry, because she is a very devoted reader and commenter to this blog. Since I know she appreciates my writing and um, humor, I wrote this especially for her. Please go to her blog and wish her a very happy day!

I wanted to make a blog cake for Sherry. I knew trying to slice a cake on the internet would get really messy, and would interrupt my morning Scotch, so I went with cupcakes, and of course they had to be Hello Kitty cupcakes, cuz they're so fucking cute.

I searched on Google for Hello Kitty cupcake ideas and holy shit I could have taken the whole morning just to browse the endless stream of freakish Asian cute sugar overload. 210,000 hits in .24 seconds? Fuck me. And even if you're making these for a three year old, get over it: every one of them looked like shit. We have lots of Hello Kitty items cluttering up my fucking house, so I cut out a Hello Kitty (head only, DECAPITATION, PERFECT!) from my Hello, Kitty! social events calendar, fuck you very much. I tried to find one that was the size of a muffin-size cake top, so I could just paste it on a vending machine muffin, but I failed, so I dug out the Hello Kitty Shrinky Dinks kit and baked one in my Hello Kitty toaster oven, too small to stick my head in, but whatever.

One website suggested I purchase white fondant (Sure.), roll this out and with a sharp knife cut 39 (forever, Sherry!) Hello Kitty heads out. They also suggested I use mini M&M's (split in half to get the oblong shape, beyotch) for the eyes and nose. I am also supposed to dye some of the fondant pink and use a flower shape cutter to put by her ear. For the centre of the flower, I'm supposed to have 39 yellow mini M&Ms available, fucking A!

After assembling these, I am to wake up and realize I had spent two hours with mother fucking FONDANT. What the hell was I thinking? So then I made the cupcakes (just basic chocolate cake mix, because hey, why go over the top at this point?) and iced them with canned icing, dyed pink from the blood streaming from my eyes. I put my imaginary fondant Hello Kitty heads on top of the cupcakes, and finally gave up and just used Sharpie pen for the whiskers. Fuck it.

They looked like shit and because of the Sharpie Pen, school paste, and blood they were completely inedible. I had to set fire to them, but that made them look like a kind of cool art installation, you know, Hello Kitty Cupcakes of Death. Perfect!

Happy Birthday Sherry and much love!

Happy Birthday July Birthday Bloggers.

Good God, there's a lot of us.

July 16th is the birthday of both Blue Gal and her sainted mother. And for some possibly astrological reason, (are Cancers especially creative or is it our strong parenting instinct which keeps us feeding these babies?) lots and lots of bloggers celebrate birthdays this month.

My evil twin, AL of Threading Water.

Hahn at Home of Blue Ribbon Bloggers

Stephen of Stephen Views the News

Pam of Pam's House Blend

Chet of The Vanity Press

Happy Monkey (Panties for Peace) mais bien sur...

Quaker Dave

Alicia Morgan of Last Left Turn before Hooterville

RevPhat of Unruly Mob/Les Enrages.

Qwerty of Qwerty's Qoncepts.

Uncommon Sense of the blog by the same name.

TODAY is the seventh birthday of my lovely, lovely middle child. So pretty and so smart and such an artist and such a blessing. I love you, sweetheart. Here she is a couple years ago, showing we Cancerian women are all that. I vote her my child most likely to knit AND blog, which should tell you something:



If you know of any other blogger July birthdays, let us know in comments. And happy birthday.