I am not making this up. Alabama License Plates (part 2)

Greetings to the beautiful people from Crooks and Liars, Pharyngula, and Shakespeare's Sister. Get your full-frontal Blue Gal here.

I blogged last month about Alabama License Plates, particularly the fact that there is a "Global War on Terror" plate for veterans of the "Global War on Terror." There aren't too many veterans, me thinks, because you know, you're not technically a "veteran" if (a) you're dead or (b) you're going to be re-deployed next week.

Recently I've noticed that there are far fewer "W" stickers on SUV's driving around Birmingham, Alabama, where I live. I see this as a slightly good sign, though it may be that since he won't be running again (barring any President-for-Life signing statement) even Alabamians don't think they need to advertise for him anymore.

But while the "W" stickers are waning, they have been replaced with something far more pernicious, in my opinion. Ladies and Gentleman, presenting Alabama's God Bless America License Plate:



I was just gonna comment how awful that jingo supporters of Bush have found a way to sneak in state-sponsored religion. Aw, isn't this just like "In God We Trust" on the money? Don't get me started. I'M A CHRISTIAN, GOD DAMMIT, AND THIS IS FUCKING OFFENSIVE TO ME.

Deep cleansing breaths.

So I'm looking up the image of this plate from the DMV and just guess what I find out. "God Bless America" is a STANDARD LICENSE PLATE. That means when you go in to get a plain old regular license plate you have a choice. You can get a passenger car plate, a motorcycle plate, a truck plate, a permanent trailer plate, or...a God Bless America plate. Go see for yourself. It's the only standard plate with a message, apart from "Stars fell on Alabama" (great song). No extra charge for God Bless America, and you get to choose it as a default at the Department of Motor Vehicles. No waiting. They will HAND YOU ONE from a pile when you pay the standard fee. No wonder I saw no fewer than eight of these on the school carpool run this morning.

I just can't believe the overwhelming kow-tow to fundie America-first fever in this state. Some state legislator thought this was a really good idea, and who is gonna argue with him apart from some Yankee transplant blogger, bless her heart?

Get this: If you are a veteran who was exposed to an atomic bomb blast in the line of duty, you have to pay three dollars to get a special plate for yourself. I looked this up because I thought it was sort of odd that in the price list it says, "Nuked Veteran." Nuked, like the noodles I had for lunch. They wouldn't actually put that on a license plate, though, and then charge three dollars to someone who was exposed to nuclear radiation defending our country, for the privilege of having it on his/her car...



At least it's got a fucking American Flag on the corner. God bless America.

Wondering if the war on terror is permanent?

Alabama has a license plate. Here it is, unedited:



When I saw this on the car in front of me this morning, I thought, oh man. This is just like the Choose Life anti-abortion propaganda license plate issued by the state. Alabama claims this license plate is about supporting adoption, but um, the Center for Reproductive Rights thinks differently.

But anyway. Turns out the endless war on terrah license plates are only for veterans of the endless war on terrah, as if we aren't all veterans of this lie-fest. I'm just sorry I was on the interstate, and couldn't walk up to the owner of this license plate, with all due respect to our troops, and tell him his license plate was totally left-wing bloggable.

I had time to think on my school carpool commute and you know, photoshopping is fun. This with a tip of something tasty to those nasty folks at T-Shirt Hell:

The Hello Kitty Motor Vehicle Registry Death Watch

Loyal readers to this humble blog are well aware of its Hello Kitty Airline Travel Death Watch. Yesterday this phenomenon appeared at the Motor Vehicle Registry in the state where I now reside.

Yes, the good news is I am now a registered voter with a valid Blue State driver's license, and the trusty minivan also breathed a sigh of relief to have some very nice Midwestern license plates of its very own. The Alabama plates, well, some days it's embarrassing enough that they say Alabama on them but then they had to go off with the whole God Bless America license plate and please don't get me started.

The whole process of becoming a legal Midwesterner took less than 35 minutes with virtually no wait time. Thank you, Midwest Motor Vehicle Registry People.

But about the adult woman after me at the vehicle registry. (I have more forgiveness in these matters if the woman in question is under, say, 22. This one was maturing fast into Oil of Olay territory and I should know.) She was wearing these Hello Kitty seashell flower earring thingys AND looking to register her car.

It was so confusing.

Was she forced to wear these as punishment for some vicious crime?

Or perhaps she was wearing these in the hope that they would disguise her horrible guilt?

Could it be that not everyone in the Great Midwest had heard about the thing called "Good Taste in Jewelry"?

Oh yah, that last one there, you betcha.

[It's high time, my friends, to make Hello Kitty Death Watch a Blogger post label...]