Friday, November 16

Blue Gal's "Hello Kitty!" Airline Travel Death Watch



Okay, death has nothing to do with it. Except some of this stuff makes me wanna die, and other parts make me wanna kill.

Here's the deal: For the past two years or so, every single time I fly from point A to my final destination, somewhere in some airport or airplane, I encounter a grown woman in possession and use of a "Hello Kitty!" consumer item.

This does not count the grown women walking around with "Hello, Kitty!" Platinum Plus Visa Card in their wallets. Or any grown women wearing any of the FIFTY-ONE different varieties of grown-women "Hello Kitty!" underpants.

I have to confess that there are people in my own household who have been known to wear "Hello, Kitty!" underpants. Their ages are 3 and 5. And they received same as a gift (NOT from their mother) to celebrate successful potty-training. That to me seems entirely appropriate.

On the way to Washington, the woman in the window seat in front of my row was using a "Hello Kitty!" CD player. Grown woman.

I have, in more than one airport, seen grown women talking on a "Hello Kitty!" cell phone. The following is not for the feint of heart:



I call myself a nice person. I call myself a peace-loving Quaker.

It makes me want to kill.

On the way back to Alabama I thought about this post and despaired that I had not kept an eye out for "Hello Kitty!". THAT MINUTE a grown woman with a "Hello Kitty!" backpack appeared. I am not sure whether to count her as an actual "Hello Kitty!" Airline Travel Death Watch successful find, because she had a young daughter with her, and it may have been the daughter's backpack, but the fact remains that the grown woman was wearing the backpack her own self, so I count that as a yes.

I have been told that the "Hello, Kitty!" phenomenon is primarily generated among Asian women, but none of the "Hello, Kitty!" Airline Travel Death Watch finds have been Asian, and I know several Asian women who have far too much maturity and taste to have succumbed to same. For some reason, for me, it does seem to be an airline travel phenomenon. Perhaps, just perhaps, these women are saving their "Hello, Kitty!" items as a talisman against hijacking. I really have no other explanation.

But I do know that the Asian phonomenon is exactly why Pete T. puts a "Hello, Kitty!" sticker on the back of his guitar when he tours Japan:



Update: Thanks to reader "Ed" who shared this, which is wrong on so many levels:



I'm happy to report that now that I am playing find the "Hello, Kitty!" item as a game, I find my own desire to use extreme violence against women with "Hello, Kitty!" consumer items has diminished.

I will not assume any responsibility for my actions should I encounter a grown woman wearing the $7,500 Neiman-Marcus Glam Kitty Diamond Silouette Necklace. Even if she assures me she got free shipping.

Gentlemen, I hate to do this, but in service to the Revolution, I feel you must watch this two minute video. If we do not stop the menace that is "Hello, Kitty!", this could be the venue of your next sexual encounter. (And yes, you kinky boy, at the minus-one-seventeen minute mark is your next partner.):



May I presume there is not enough Viagra in the world?




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32 comments:

  1. Eh, it could have been Sponge Bob.

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  2. I know you put that Pete clip in there for me. ;)

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  3. ...Or the Teletubbies...Or perhaps some obscure English folk group - Mania has many faces, dear BG.

    ;>)

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  4. That makes me appreciate the bumper sticker on my car even more;

    CATS FLATTENED FREE,
    WHILE YOU WAIT.

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  5. Until I saw that hotel video I had no idea pedophilia had a signature decor.

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  6. i confess, i have a secret thing for eeyore. ; )

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  7. I must protest the lack of floor plans of said hotel. Makes choosing the precise location for the semtex that much more difficult.

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  8. Bluegal,

    Even if the dollar-yen exchange rate improves, I suggest you avoid visiting Japan. You might perish from a cute overdose.

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  9. I am all in favor of Kitty Face Rainbow Stripes Thongs, but I feel that Green "Dream with Me" Low-rise boy shorts could destroy the sanctity of marriage.

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  10. Truly a frightening tomorrow where the living would to doubt envy the dead.

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  11. "no doubt".

    Stoopid absinthe!

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  12. BG - Between this post and the last, your blog is awash in pink!

    In honor, I have decided to run out to buy those pink Camels to smoke with my new signature drink.....it's the Hello Kitty martini. It's made straight with vodka and grenadine. Oh, and don't forget the black olives for eyes.

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  13. Makes me want to smash my guitar!

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  14. i'm trying to comprehend the down side of hello kitty.... i got you're picture

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  15. But I bought my girlfriend a guitar that was customized to be a Telecaster instead of the bottom-level Stratocaster that the Hello-Kitty body was made from...

    I put a Hello Kitty atop our Christmas Tree every year, to celebrate the commercialism.

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  16. For all of blogdom to see... In 1989 I went to a full on (available as items, but not widely so yet) Hello Kitty Emporium in Hong Kong. I bought some stuff for my little niece and then spied a q-tip holder.

    It was a small cylinder with a top that twisted for access to the swabs. As a frequent traveler in the days before snack sized zip locks, it solved a beauty related issue.

    So here is the issue... I actually still have and use it.

    I feel so busted now.

    And kind of dirty.

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  17. But FranIam you say that like "kind of dirty" is a bad thing.

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  18. Anonymous10:20 PM

    Is it supposed to be ironic that a creature with "Hello" as its first name has no mouth to respond?

    Tim Rooch

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  19. I find myself strangely drawn to that room and that bitchin' tune they play.

    The whole experience has affected me so deeply I plan to check into this hotel room as soon as I can:

    http://www.madonnainn.com/tour/174.asp

    Is there hope for me?

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  20. Helloooooo, Kitty!

    You will appreciate that last year for Halloween, my younger daughter dressed up as "Hello Kitty Gone Wrong." Fishnet Stockings, sexy black high heels. It was brilliant, and she came up with the entire thing herself.

    DarkBlack. I have a little joke with my students that will probably get me fired one day. My students, being the little kids that they are, will frequently stand or sit directly in front of the book I'm reading, totally blocking it from anyone else's view. At those times I have been known to say," So and so, sit down. Nobody here has x-ray vision. And that's a good thing, because if they did, they'd know that I am wearing my Tinky Winky underwear today." (Nothing tickles a five-year old's funnybone like the word "underwear.") Occasionally, some poor deluded child will ask me, "Do you REALLY have Tinky Winky underwear?" My lips are sealed!

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  21. That's my sister you're bad-mouthing! If anything happens to her, I'll know who to hold responsible!

    I simply must have one of those celkular phones! (is that like a nukular powered cellphone?)

    By the way, Pete Townshend really needs one of these and one of these! Then, of course, he'll need some of these and these, too. And then ..... NNNOOOOoooo!!! .... somebody please make it stop!!!

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  22. I thought only the tin man had tinky winky underwear, Suzy.

    ;>)

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  23. I think we should use Hello Kitty as a punishment tool for prisoners in solitary. You know, you attack a guard, they put your ass deep in Hello Kitty solitary.

    I would like to see the term Hello Kitty expropriated for other uses, sort of the way that the FBI use "Avon Calling" to describe blowing down a door with a shotgun blast.

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  24. Guilty as charged, ma'am.

    I admit to owning a Hello Kitty T-shirt. It's my favorite shirt. Granted, I wear it only when I am at home, sick, or doing housework, but still...

    *sigh*

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  25. I must make a confession that after my daughters chose to spend their own allowances on a bunch of Hello Kitty (at least it wasn't Barbie) stuff a few years ago, we have a surplus. My five year old son likes the gumball machine and I do use the pink backpack as my lunchbag from time to time when I am washing her discarded Curious George canvas bag. I justify it by calling it reclycling and I like feeling a little dirty, so I'll carry it with my usual lack of pride.

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  26. Nothing says, "smash me!" like that hello kitty Squire. I want about 300 of those to keep around the apartment for those all-too-common moments when I feel like smashing something.

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  27. Big Daddy Malcontent: Actually, to me, nothing says "smash me" like a Precious Moments™ figurine.

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  28. Absolutely Suzy. But if Precious Moments cellphones and CD players took over our nation's airways, the terrorists would win.

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  29. Anonymous11:29 PM

    Surely there are more important matters with which to concern yourself? Hello Kitty is harmless fun. How about picking on something truly offensive...like SUV owners?

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  30. Apropos of this, a friend recently sent me a link to a blog devoted to the Hello Kitty phenomenon, written by someone who finds it every bit as horrifying as you (and I) do:

    http://www.kittyhell.com/

    Worth checking out for the blog's banner alone.

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  31. Lamb Cannon9:58 AM

    Oh, ha ha ha. Very satirical. Hello Kitty cute, Cute bad.

    If you're that rabid about it, why not find out where these people live and kill them?

    http://www.shanalogic.com/

    After all, if we on the left aren't bitching and complaining about other people's tastes etc., then we're not breathing.

    Calvin, hip. Hello Kitty, bad. DarkBlack satirical, New Yorker bad. Who gives a flying fuck what you and the rest of the tastemongers think?

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