Okay, death has nothing to do with it. Except some of this stuff makes me wanna die, and other parts make me wanna kill.
Here's the deal: For the past two years or so, every single time I fly from point A to my final destination, somewhere in some airport or airplane, I encounter a grown woman in possession and use of a "Hello Kitty!" consumer item.
This does not count the grown women walking around with "Hello, Kitty!" Platinum Plus Visa Card in their wallets. Or any grown women wearing any of the FIFTY-ONE different varieties of grown-women "Hello Kitty!" underpants.
I have to confess that there are people in my own household who have been known to wear "Hello, Kitty!" underpants. Their ages are 3 and 5. And they received same as a gift (NOT from their mother) to celebrate successful potty-training. That to me seems entirely appropriate.
On the way to Washington, the woman in the window seat in front of my row was using a "Hello Kitty!" CD player. Grown woman.
I have, in more than one airport, seen grown women talking on a "Hello Kitty!" cell phone. The following is not for the feint of heart:
I call myself a nice person. I call myself a peace-loving Quaker.
It makes me want to kill.
On the way back to Alabama I thought about this post and despaired that I had not kept an eye out for "Hello Kitty!". THAT MINUTE a grown woman with a "Hello Kitty!" backpack appeared. I am not sure whether to count her as an actual "Hello Kitty!" Airline Travel Death Watch successful find, because she had a young daughter with her, and it may have been the daughter's backpack, but the fact remains that the grown woman was wearing the backpack her own self, so I count that as a yes.
I have been told that the "Hello, Kitty!" phenomenon is primarily generated among Asian women, but none of the "Hello, Kitty!" Airline Travel Death Watch finds have been Asian, and I know several Asian women who have far too much maturity and taste to have succumbed to same. For some reason, for me, it does seem to be an airline travel phenomenon. Perhaps, just perhaps, these women are saving their "Hello, Kitty!" items as a talisman against hijacking. I really have no other explanation.
But I do know that the Asian phonomenon is exactly why Pete T. puts a "Hello, Kitty!" sticker on the back of his guitar when he tours Japan:
Update: Thanks to reader "Ed" who shared this, which is wrong on so many levels:
I'm happy to report that now that I am playing find the "Hello, Kitty!" item as a game, I find my own desire to use extreme violence against women with "Hello, Kitty!" consumer items has diminished.
I will not assume any responsibility for my actions should I encounter a grown woman wearing the $7,500 Neiman-Marcus Glam Kitty Diamond Silouette Necklace. Even if she assures me she got free shipping.
Gentlemen, I hate to do this, but in service to the Revolution, I feel you must watch this two minute video. If we do not stop the menace that is "Hello, Kitty!", this could be the venue of your next sexual encounter. (And yes, you kinky boy, at the minus-one-seventeen minute mark is your next partner.):
May I presume there is not enough Viagra in the world?