Wednesday, November 21
The promised sex toy post
(above image stolen from Loretta Nall's blog.)
I promised you all that I would be posting about Loretta Nall's campaign to send sex toys to Alabama Attorney General Troy King. Loretta is an FOBG, and she, like a lot of us here, is fed up with the state gubment's interest in making illegal sales of vibrators and other items clearly designed for the purpose of, well, orgasm. We have just a few problems more pressing here in this state: the fact that we outdo some third world countries on poverty, that our State Constitution benefits no one but United States Steel (USX, if you're so hard up you need to get your stock market tips here.) Problems? In Alabama? They spend my tax dollars attempting to prohibit sales of vibrators? Don't get me started.
I think Loretta has a terrific sense of humor but she is also an amazingly sharp and intelligent woman. She sent Troy an inflatable pig, which apparently has in its nether regions the capacity to pleasure an Attorney General, who until he received said pig, was more familiar with fucking the populace up the ass with blatant born-again pandering.
But I'm not nearly so subtle or politically astute as Loretta Nall. And to save money, I've chosen to send virtually, here via the miracle of the interwebs, the Decadent Indulgence 2 Vibrator.
As I pondered how to approach this post, I realize I am restrained by my own sense of decorum, and I'm perfectly content to be. Sure, I could post the full demo video here, but let's not, shall we? I feel the blog blindfold should be kept on at least in a pretend way, and and I'll keep my blog vibrator-advertising free, especially since they're not paying me to pimp their merch.
I like this demonstration, though. This young man has a future in improv, or something, and he provides an amazing public service in under a minute:
Okay you're probably wondering if Blue Gal her own self owns a "Rabbit" or has colluded with those selling same. Hey, none of your damn business, but I will tell you that most of the good Alabama Baptists I know buy their sex toys off the internet. Trust me, every postal carrier in the state, and hey, now every mailroom clerk at the State House, knows exactly what kind of merchandise is in a plain brown package from "Delaney Research Corporation."
But I will reveal my own tastes and proclivities this far: the Decadent Indulgence II has "over 300 functions including a new on-off switch that allows you to turn off any function for even more variation during sex play."
Folks, I don't want my laptop computer to have over 300 functions. That's way too complicated and if I have to RTFM in order to enjoy myself solo...
"Well, duh, Blue Gal," I hear some folks saying. "You're not supposed to enjoy it SOLO. You hand it over to your partner and he gets to play with it, and you...."
Oh, great. A guy who needs a gadget with three hundred functions in order to get interested enough to please? Forget it. He's in the living room, watching MacGyver and hacking my vibrator to run off his Playstation. Literally.
I just don't think so.
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