Wednesday, January 2

LIKE a virgin?


Oh don't worry, ma hunnies, I would never run the youtube here at this here blog.

OH WAIT. There's a version with Madonna, Britney, AND Christina Aguilera? Oh well in THAT case... And look, there was a time when BS could walk down stairs in high heels sans assistance...

Anyone know who the rapper is at the end?



My favorite part is that the overarching camp of the whole performance means the Queer Eyes for the Straight Guy are having a fuckin' ball. But my political/social commentary point, and I do have one, is that I wrote an open thread at the big blog linking Susie Bright on the poster child for abstinence, Jamie Lynn Spears. And one commenter said, "Boy, those Spears girls sure do like to fuck."

Bullshit.

Jamie Lynn, like ALL sixteen year old girls, had a choice between two types of partners: she could do it with a teenage boy, or she could be done by a statutory rapist. It's possible she did and was done both ways, and I would put real money down that she didn't enjoy it they way Mother Nature, whose own orgasms are earth-shaking indeed, intends women to enjoy sex. (It also appears the rapist wins the "who's the daddy" contest for JL's baby. Sad.)

Britney, on the other hand, was able to choose her sex partners from a very large group of men, whose only requirement was that they have the taste, intelligence, and patience of, well, Kevin Federline. You know the type. Their letters to Maxim Magazine are always the same:


Oh, just keep being the amazing lover you obviously are, Dan.

I've talked with a large number of women about this topic over the years and asked lots and lots of girlfriends the following questions: How old were you when you first had sex, and how old were you when you had your first orgasm? The orgasm gap is pretty damn wide for a great many women. I have yet to meet an honest girlfriend who had their first good sex before the age of twenty-two. Lots and lots of women have had lots and lots of sex before they actually enjoyed it.

And sadly, some men and women never figure out which female erogenous buttons to push.



And nearly all of my readers know the button is nowhere near here:



And is much more likely to be somewhere in here:

17 comments:

  1. You mean there are buttons?

    /Goes away to rethink entire life/

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  2. some quick research suggest humans have been obsessed with and troubled by sexuality as far back as 1960!

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  3. Well I just drank a beer and this video is really messing with my mind. So Madonna is the groom? Britney at least is dressed in this but in general she's not any different than a strip club dancer.

    You're right that best part was the Queer Eye guys.

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  4. Years and years of practice......

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  5. actually that performance by Madonna was so utterly unispiring for me that i found myself perusing Virgin records for more Roy Orbison...... mystery

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  6. Like the song says

    "people are still having sex /
    it's been going on for quite some time"

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  7. That was a great post and I would guess so very true, but being a man, I can't speak for women.

    Second, I believe the rapper in the video is Missy Elliot, a great artist in her own right.

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  8. Nice boots on Madonna, there...And Boxer is correct, that is Missy Elliot.

    Now, to the post...If the Spears article is true (and mind, it is a gossip item routed through a blog, even a blog as illustrious and informed as Ms. Bright's), how vile - And the perpetrator would, in a just world, self-immolate from the shame of such a exploitative act.

    And it is also a shame that many people have not yet found fulfillment or how to create it when all it truly involves is thinking, not an overabundance of equipment or an Amex Gold Card.

    In most cases

    ;>)

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  9. Anonymous8:43 PM

    "The orgasm gap is pretty damn wide for a great many women. I have yet to meet an honest girlfriend who had their first good sex before the age of twenty-two. Lots and lots of women have had lots and lots of sex before they actually enjoyed it."

    That makes me feel really sad. I wish more women would get to know their own bodies before they go handing them off to other people like that. Personally, I had my first orgasm at 14 but didn't have sex till I was almost 19 and knew what I wanted. While I'm not touting that as some kind of magic formula, it certainly worked for me.

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  10. I've always liked Madonna and Christina Aguilera. And Missy Elliot is great. I have nothing against Britney, she just never did anything for me.

    The first time I had sex was pretty wonderful, but then I was having sex with a woman ... that might have helped.

    Gee, the first orgasm? With or without someone else in the room? ha

    And the brain is the biggest female sex organ ...


    BAC

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  11. You know, it's really not fair women can have multiple orgasms naturally and men have to learn how to.

    It's such a drag waiting for them to catch up.

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  12. It helps to date geeks. Here's why:

    1) We study everything. Every nerd, geek, and dork has read the Kama Sutra, and a bunch of us has made an intensive study of the Hite Reports. Heck, I was reading Penthouse Letters before I had even heard of C.S. Lewis.

    2) We're grateful. If we're ever lucky enough that someone wants to have sex with us, we work hard at making sure they want to come back. Hey, we're nerds: we rely on repeat business!

    3) We are willing to try pretty much anything. This is why you'll find a whole lot of crossover in the S&M scene with the folks who do ren fairs, play Dungeons and Dragons or other RPGs, read fantasy novels, and have careers in information technology.

    I remember my Significant Other telling me about her first experience (14 at the time, and quite willing), and her thought afterward: "Well, that's finally over with! Now I can get around to enjoying myself!"

    I so TOTALLY scored with this "marriage" thing.

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  13. There might be a bit of a generational divide at play with the whole onset of excellent orgasms for females. There's certainly a greater willingness to demand them and not be satisfied otherwise, as evidenced by the number of women who have admitted to me that they owned vibrators at a relatively early age.

    And I think there's less of a Puritanical fear among women that masturbation is a) only the domain of men or b) dirty and vulgar.

    What hasn't changed is the fact that teenage boys are, by in large, not the best lovers. So it would stand to reason that most women don't have a largely enjoyable sexual experience until they're in their early twenties. Takes most men a while to truly know how to please their partner, if they're the unselfish sort that are not just all about their own gratification without giving any consideration at all to hers.

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  14. Yup. I think Dr. Strangelove needs to start working on closing The Orgasm Gap.

    (Wow, that has all sorts of double entendres...)

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  15. A disembodied Brain! Cool!

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  16. Anonymous12:58 AM

    At a college gathering in the 70's the topic got around to "the first time". Of the dozens of women who decided to share, all but a few said it was either terrible or a non-event. But what really shocked me was that a third of these women had been either date raped or the victims of incest.

    I wondered how these bright young women were functional after hearing "he got me drunk and I woke up sore between my legs" over and over again.

    I became a feminist that day.

    OG

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  17. My God - men really ARE pigs... :'(

    I was happy to wait until I found a female that wanted me as much as I wanted her.

    I have always been a feminist in a man's body (humanist?), but your accounts made the hair stand up on the back of my neck (figuratively).

    Thanks for sharing.

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