Sunday, November 20

Open [form] letter to my Congressman


I musta responded to one of those True Majority/John On/Michael Moore please email your congressman thingys, because yesterday I received a form letter from my congressman, Spencer Bachus (R, Jesusistan). His entire, unedited letter is below in italics. I've added my response as I go:

Dear [insert name of constituent here]:

Thank you for sharing with me your concerns regarding the Administration's intentions in the War on Terror. I am glad to have this opportunity to respond.

You're welcome, though I never use the term "War on Terror" because what's going on in Iraq is, in my opinion, no such thing. "The occupation of a red herring" is more my style.

President Bush has reaffirmed his committment to integrity in the Administration.

Yeah, right. I notice Rove, Cheney, Rumsfeld and even Brownie are still on the payroll. Nice of you, Congressman, to cancel that fundraiser you were gonna have for Tom Delay after he was booked, however. Your "reaffirmation to integrity" is actually more believeable than the President's.

Shortly after being indicted, Lewis "Scooter" Libby resigned as Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff. It is important to note that the charges Mr. Libby was indicted on are not related to intelligence manipulation.

Kudos, Congressman, it takes guts to even bring this up. The average Alabama voter would buy this. I regret I neglected to tell you in my communication that I am a transplant most recently from Massachusetts. We Bay State transplants, unlike Alabama natives, are able to get our brains around the "outing a CIA operative because her husband is about to blow our cover on intelligence manipulation" as being "related to intelligence manipulation." Next time I'll give you a heads up on my IQ.

I do not believe President Bush manipulated intelligence to allege falsely a national security threat to the United States by Iraq.

Oh. Now I've got a heads up on your IQ.

The Administration has multiple rationales for going to war with Iraq which is why Congress overwhelmingly supported going to war.

Multiple rationales: Halliburton, Chevron, and the Saudi royal family. Congress and the American people they represent are a buncha suckers.

Members of the U.S. Armed Forces with the help of our allies have removed a dictator who gassed, murdered, and imprisoned his own people.

So the invasion of North Korea is scheduled for when?

The Iraqi people have had the opportunity to vote for the first time in decades for a representative government which has inspired other democratic initiatives throughout the Middle East.

Too bad this didn't happen in Broward County, Florida in 2000. And the Saudi royal family doesn't look too worried last I checked.

It is certainly better to fight the terrorists on their territory rather than here at home. We must realize how important it is for all U.S. citizens to stand behind our men and women in uniform as we continue to win this War on Terror.

Why the f**k have we not found Osama Bin Laden? Please, please, get with your leadership and come up with another answer. NO ONE buys the "win the war on terror" crap anymore. Over two thousand of our troops will never get the chance to fight terrorism here at home, ever. Support the troops? Bring. Them. Home.

Although we may disagree on this issue,


...I appreciate hearing from you.

So does STB/jb, who actually wrote and typed this letter. I'm the Republican congressional intern gravy train, baby.

Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future on this or any other issue important to you.

Hey, Spence, consider yerself invited to bookmark my blog.


Blue Gal
6th District, Alabama


  1. Ohio Billies are dumber than 'Bama Billies!

    We compete for dead last.

  2. May I use this?
    Thanks for putting into clear and coherent form exactly how I feel! And I don't think I'm alone.

  3. Oh man... I feel so sorry for you. My congressman is Peter Defazio. When I wrote him I got a cogent, intelligent, and complex reply. I posted on club lefty about that exchange, but not in the way you have with this post I can assure you.

  4. I'm no big fan of Spencer's politics, but I have to give him credit for responding to letters and actually referencing the issue up for discussion. He always disagrees with me, but he at least acknowledges my opinion. Most other responses I have received from my elected representatives have been complete form-letter BS. I don't ever remember getting a response from Richard Shelby, and Jeff Sessions is such a dumb*ss that I'm not sure he can read.

  5. You know, BG, every time I hear the phrase "War on Terror®" I just want to spit. That's like saying "War on Badness", "War on Evil" or something similar. First off, it's not a war. Like you say, it's an occuption. And second off, it leaves the whole thing completely open-ended, as if we plan to kill Iraqis until "terror" is eliminated from the earth. Not to mention the fact that for every so-called 'terrorist' we kill, we're creating two more where there were none before. How very convenient. "War on Terror®", my ass.

  6. I do not believe President Bush manipulated intelligence to allege falsely a national security threat to the United States by Iraq.
    Should have read Bob Gramm's piece in the WaPo ... seems Bush and everyone else manipulated intel. Ooops.

  7. Anonymous5:58 PM

    I live in Dothan. Shelby always responds to my emails with a letter. A useless exercise because I know he does not care what I think, and I do not have a bird.

  8. As a fellow Bay Stater, allow me to say, with utmosat sincerity, mind you:


    What a stupid cocksucker. I'm linking to this on my next blogwhoring post (although I think someone else linked to it).

    Did you send him the same answer you posted?

  9. Talking points have antiquated intelligent human discourse. You might as well be chatting with a computer program as to challenge the "loopy" defenders of this robot administration. Remember the album art on the Queen, News of the World album? Robots tromping the land, the people like bloody rags, crushed beneath the juggernaut. So it is with these screetching parrots. Noble of you to try, but they have not a cortex with which to reply. Only empty bird talk, AWK!!! War on Terror, AWK!!!

    BUSH you're an old man poor man
    Pleadin' with your eyes gonna make
    You some peace some day
    You got mud on your face
    Big disgrace
    Somebody betta put you back into your place.

  10. The War on "Tur" has degenerated into a joke. "Fight them there" probably sounds like shit to the British in the south of Iraq, and to the Jordanians, Indonesians, Indians, Spanish, Pakistanis, and others who have been visited by "tur" since El Shrubbo launched his Great Patriotic War.

    The only way you wouldn't know that there are only a handful of foreigners in Iraq is if you get all your news from Ann Coulter. I really hate to see El Shrubbo propaganda repeated piecemeal by his rubber-stampers.


I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!