I musta responded to one of those True Majority/John Kerry.com/Move On/Michael Moore please email your congressman thingys, because yesterday I received a form letter from my congressman, Spencer Bachus (R, Jesusistan). His entire, unedited letter is below in italics. I've added my response as I go:
Dear [insert name of constituent here]:
Thank you for sharing with me your concerns regarding the Administration's intentions in the War on Terror. I am glad to have this opportunity to respond.
You're welcome, though I never use the term "War on Terror" because what's going on in Iraq is, in my opinion, no such thing. "The occupation of a red herring" is more my style.
President Bush has reaffirmed his committment to integrity in the Administration.
Yeah, right. I notice Rove, Cheney, Rumsfeld and even Brownie are still on the payroll. Nice of you, Congressman, to cancel that fundraiser you were gonna have for Tom Delay after he was booked, however. Your "reaffirmation to integrity" is actually more believeable than the President's.
Shortly after being indicted, Lewis "Scooter" Libby resigned as Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff. It is important to note that the charges Mr. Libby was indicted on are not related to intelligence manipulation.
Kudos, Congressman, it takes guts to even bring this up. The average Alabama voter would buy this. I regret I neglected to tell you in my communication that I am a transplant most recently from Massachusetts. We Bay State transplants, unlike Alabama natives, are able to get our brains around the "outing a CIA operative because her husband is about to blow our cover on intelligence manipulation" as being "related to intelligence manipulation." Next time I'll give you a heads up on my IQ.
I do not believe President Bush manipulated intelligence to allege falsely a national security threat to the United States by Iraq.
Oh. Now I've got a heads up on your IQ.
The Administration has multiple rationales for going to war with Iraq which is why Congress overwhelmingly supported going to war.
Multiple rationales: Halliburton, Chevron, and the Saudi royal family. Congress and the American people they represent are a buncha suckers.
Members of the U.S. Armed Forces with the help of our allies have removed a dictator who gassed, murdered, and imprisoned his own people.
So the invasion of North Korea is scheduled for when?
The Iraqi people have had the opportunity to vote for the first time in decades for a representative government which has inspired other democratic initiatives throughout the Middle East.
Too bad this didn't happen in Broward County, Florida in 2000. And the Saudi royal family doesn't look too worried last I checked.
It is certainly better to fight the terrorists on their territory rather than here at home. We must realize how important it is for all U.S. citizens to stand behind our men and women in uniform as we continue to win this War on Terror.
Why the f**k have we not found Osama Bin Laden? Please, please, get with your leadership and come up with another answer. NO ONE buys the "win the war on terror" crap anymore. Over two thousand of our troops will never get the chance to fight terrorism here at home, ever. Support the troops? Bring. Them. Home.
Although we may disagree on this issue,
...I appreciate hearing from you.
So does STB/jb, who actually wrote and typed this letter. I'm the Republican congressional intern gravy train, baby.
Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future on this or any other issue important to you.
Hey, Spence, consider yerself invited to bookmark my blog.
6th District, Alabama