Wednesday, December 10

Gentlemen, we have to talk.

Have you seen this ad for the Axe "detailer"?



Unilever thinks you may have questions about how to handle personal hygiene, as my mother used to say, "down there." No, they don't. They think they've figured out a way to charge $5.49 for a shower puff that costs them a dollar to make seven of them.

But I first found out about this at Drugstore.com, which says:

2 Sided Cleansing
Scrub Side | Lather Side

When girls check out guys, they notice every part. They don't miss a thing. Neither does the New Axe Detailer.

Get the right levels of clean for all your parts. The Detailer is designed to work with Axe Shower Gel to keep every part of you ready for action.

Use the scrub side to dig into your extra dirty spots or tough parts (hands, elbows, feet, etc.) Use the soft mesh side to build gentle lather on more "sensitive" areas... because every part matters.

Made in China***



***Well, OF COURSE it is.

I thought Norman Mailer said that "a girl is a car." But it's turning out that your jock area is a car, in need of "detailing."

And what is this "checking out" thing that the advertisers say we "girls" are doing to you "guys"? If I believed the marketing geniuses at Unilever, a blind date would resemble the Axe Detailer Ad I'd like to see:

And yes, it depresses me no end that my attempt at satire actually looks like something the Budweiser ad team would put together, only more professional.

18 comments:

  1. StonyPillow7:55 PM

    My daughter tells me Axe is the preferred scent for those high school males who apply it much more frequently than they shower.

    She says the odor of Axe is inextricably linked with the smell of stinky boy BO in the minds of all high school girls.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Go, Axe, Go. I know how insanely difficult it is to scrub my elbow which is like, all the way over there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. :) :) :)

    hubby likes axe body wash- it helps dirty boys get clean :) but he uses a good old fashioned wash cloth- and lord help any honey that expects to check him out. he won't even notice.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holy Cow Gurrrl! (...and I don't mean Dale Evans!)

    But I have some questions... does that tractor-tire-thingie leave skid marks? And why can't I just keep using my Ex's Loofa?

    And BTW, I liked yours a lot better.

    Oh, and Stroke of Stupitude, my Secret Code Word is "Chimpi!"

    Buh-Bye, Chimpi!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I guess the manufacturers have already undermined the confidence of young women, so young men are game. When will this enc?

    ReplyDelete
  6. If anyone thinks I'm gonna take an Axe into the shower, they don't know me. Morning wood, sure, but an Axe?!

    Just sayin'

    Regards,

    Tengrain

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ah, Axe! Thank you so for bringing back the sophistication (and lingering after-scent) of Hai Karate! for those who missed it the first time...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Why two different sides for different kinds of parts? Anyone who follows the wisdom of commercials knows that parts is parts.

    I just use sandpaper on everything.

    ReplyDelete
  9. BG, your video was unavailable, but I'll try later.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Doh! I forgot to detail my parts* this morning, I was so busy!



    *Yes, that IS what I meant.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Axe detailer was awesome! Thanks for posting! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Holy Shitsu. Just the thought of anything "in the mind of all high school girls," and axes and sandpaper in the shower with the vulnerable flesh-itude turgidity of Mr. Toad, has left me all flaccid and frightened. I may not read you in the shower anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  13. great post !! as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  14. you are getting really good at this.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Axe - the Jovan Musk of the New Millenium.

    No amphibious innocent was swabbed in the making of this snarky epigram

    ;>)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Good lordy. PiNY said what I thought too. I don't even use a washcloth, 'cause my hand seems sufficient to me, but I'm sure I don't meet all of somebody's standards anyway.

    (Your video rocked. Swabbin' that frog. Oooh baby.)

    (This made me think of that country spoof song of Ween's, Piss up a Rope with the lines:
    "You can wash my balls with a warm, wet rag
    Till my balls feel smooth and soft like silk
    Im sick of your mouth and your 2 percent milk"
    )

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous11:53 AM

    The Axe commercial was eerily similar to a fantasy I used to have when I was 12. You know, they type that was interrupted by mom yelling "How long are you going to be in the shower!!"

    Robs

    ReplyDelete

I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!