Wednesday, February 15

Help pick Blue Gal's imaginary boyfriend

I'm picking up this meme from Douglas's post on celebrities he'd like to shag. You boys will have your milfs, gilfs, movie star-ilfs, it's all about the ilfs, but hey, it's different for girls. Blue Gal can count on her earlobes the number of boys she's let go THAT far, and lately it's been only for the purposes of procreation. Women need a little more stability than just flying from flower to flower. So taking a cue from Hey Jenny Slater's fake girlfriend poll, here, in alphabetical order, are the top five imaginary boyfriends for Blue Gal, none of which should be a surprise to anyone.

1. George Clooney


Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 8 (up from 6 last year)
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 8 (but he really doesn't hafta say anything)
Hunk-o-rama scale: 11
Points off: he's a playboy because he can

Anti-O'Reilly points for this one, and the Good Night movie and great interviews for this year put him in the running and bumped Russ Feingold outta the top five. He is still not allowed anywhere near my daughters, even though they're toddlers. The older man thang runs in their blood.

2. John Cusack


Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 9
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 10
Hunk-o-rama scale: 8.5
Points off: "fuh-king psy-cho" - Minnie Driver as Debi, Grosse Point Blank

He'd have to quit smoking but his brain is the most lickable in Hollywood. Bonus points for how well he treats his even more talented sister.

3. Keith Olbermann


Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 8
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 9
Hunk-o-rama scale: 8
Points off: former sportscaster

Yeah, liberal gal bloggers, the line forms right behind me. I've offered him my ovaries many times in this space, all to no avail. Major points for exposing Bill O'Reilly as the major pissant he is, for being a voice of sanity while making us laugh, too. Those lips tell the truth, and are extremely kissable.

4. Alan Rickman


Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 7
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 10 (points on for diction)
Hunk-o-rama scale: 8
Points off: keep the creepy Snape makeup at home

Just plain sexy, aging beautifully, and never lets the star (celebrity) get in the way of the moon (acting).

5. Wallace Shawn


Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 12
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 10
Hunk-o-rama scale: 6
Points off: too many aggressive New York women want him

Wally totally bumps Woody Allen outta the ballpark, ladies. We will spend the entire afternoon in bed, laughing.

Cast your vote in comments, folks.


  1. John Cusack. He may be psycho, but he's hot so who cares.

  2. With the disclaimer that I'm probably not qualified - I'd go with George Clooney. Larely because he reminds me of my girlfriend. Don't ask - but, 9 years later she still rocks!

  3. George Clooney is delicious, but a little short. I'd go with Cusack. Maybe Olbermann for a fling.

    Ready to accept your leftovers!

  4. uh.... are you suggesting you have five earlobes?

  5. Puh-leeze, qwerty honey, you've known me for a long time, but not well enough to know my earlobes...

  6. I'm totally with you on your first two picks, and open to sharing - just not into a group thing (not that it was EVER suggested - just saying.) My number three would be Scott McClellan because I really think I could save him.

  7. If ever a man needed saving, and if ever a woman could do it...AL, you are THE ONE.

  8. Karen on Rickman: I like watching him act, but I don't want to see him naked.

    Very happy to see Wally Shawn on the list. When I gain notoriety, I still have a shot at Lothario status.

  9. Aw, what a honey! You've left me John Cleese! Thanks! I've always wanted that one... ..for imaginary boyfriend, at least. Or a U-pick desperate, skinny, bearded Russian poet with a vocabulary count in the hundreds of thousands who can recite Pushkin for hours but may be misguided enough to walk around the beaches of Tel-Aviv all night, hoping to see the sun rise over the Mediterranean [geohint, here: look at a map. Figure out where the sun rises. Compare.] Preferably one who speaks a couple of other languages and is powered by an equal mixture of vodka and garlic.

  10. Well since I'm a guy maybe I'm not the one to judge, but Wallace Shawn?

    Can't see it. Very stange head, very odd voice, and way more nebishy than Woody Allen and not in a good way.

    I'm not too sure about Rickman either, but I'll give you that one.

  11. No, poobah. Wallace Shawn is seriously hot because he's seriously brilliant. Notice I gave him a 12 on the intelligence is an aphrodisiac scale. We would spend an entire weekend at the Plaza, living on room service, writing, laughing, shaking our heads at the insanity of being human. After all that, great sex is just an afterthought. Sigh.

  12. Keith Olbermann * sigh * that man is so fine! I have an addition to your list: Princeton grad and all around hunky nice guy Dean Cain.

  13. And I do love Grand Nagus Zek!

  14. My husband and I have always had our Lists of Six -- that is, the six people you have spousal permission to "know" (Biblically) should the opportunity arise.

    It was an informal list until my husband insisted that we write them down. It seems he thought my verbal list was exceeding the prescribed limit.

    Somewhere around our house is a cocktail napkin that captures this critical information -- although it has been rendered unreadable by a mishap with really expensive bourbon.

    I'm SO with you on Keith Olbermann. I would also add Hugh Jackman -- but I may just be preoccupied with the fact that when you say his name fast, his first name is "Huge."

  15. keith!!!!!!! nuff said! nope, once more with feeling, keith!!!!!

  16. Clooney of course!

    My selections in order of desirability would be:

    Richman (or whatevs)
    and that last guy... (He certainly is a curious addition!)

  17. Blue Gal,

    don't discount the Olberman/Sportscaster gig - sine qua non

    understand the whole Rickman/Shawn rationale, but I'd probably bump dear Alan for the sake of "balance" and throw in Republican James Comey - 6' 8" of

    Prosecutorial Pulchritude - here's to a lengthy period of discovery

    1st time commenter, regular visitor, always a delight

  18. Sigh, nobody gets the Wally thing. As my dad used to always say, "More for me."


I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!