Sunday, February 5

Praying and crying

Marys laundry

Do ya think that gives equal time to those offended by the Muhammed cartoons?

I think I've gotta take a break from blogging. My house is a disaster, I'm travelling Thursday to Tacoma (believe me, the plane flight by myself is a vacation in and of itself.) I found myself (again) yelling like an animal at my three kids just to get them dressed for church. Then we went to Church and the gospel is all about being more like Jesus and let the words of your mouth and the meditation of thy spirit, aw CRAP my head drops and I'm just crying my eyes out right in front of old white people who just wanna read what's in the old 1928 prayer book and go home to the Super Bowl.

And my dear son flinched at my yelling this morning. High functioning autism, possible ADHD, he hugged me and told me he loved me and then less than an hour later I make him flinch with my yelling over his shoes and where are they for the fourth time?!?

Crap, I am such a shitty mom. Gotta great blog, though.

Need to get my priorities in order, ya think?

14 comments:

  1. Looks like it's your turn this weekend. If all that yelling was really unprovoked, it wouldn't hurt to apologize to the kids. I've sucked it up plenty of times and apologized to Jake for yelling at him when I was actually p.o.'d over something else.

    I don't think my parents ever apologized to me.

    Hang in there, blue gal. Thanks for dropping by the new place.

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  2. I'm right there with you, Blue Gal. There are days when, after the kids are in bed [I have three, ages 7, 5, and 2] I stop and think, "God, did I say anything to those people today that wasn't in an angry voice?"

    Then the guilt rolls in, and I wonder why I show my worst side to the people I love most in the world. I'm polite, even loving to strangers, but I yell at my kids for making too much noise, or for wanting to talk to me when I'm busy with something else. I get so frustrated with myself after the fact, because it's like I go off without thinking.

    I don't beat my kids, and I don't belittle or insult them when I'm yelling, but it's still awful when they look at me like I'm a crazy person who needs to be tiptoed around.

    After the fact, I apologize [something my own mother never did when I was growing up]. Then I pray that God will fill in the gaps in my parenting, and help me to do better next time.

    I don't know if there's anything else I can do except try to do better next time, you know?

    Anyway, don't beat yourself up too much. If your kids know you love them, they can handle some high decibels once in a while. My kids even laugh sometimes afterward during the apology [like, "Oh Mom, you were looking so silly when you yelled at us like that." Makes me feel good.]

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  3. Don't feel so bad, Blue Gal. My Mom used to yell at me too. But she would always come back afterwards and hug me and explain why.

    That's the part I remember. I can't really remember the yelling at all. Just her genuine warmth and kindness to me.

    I feel a lot of warmth and kindness from you as well, and I barely know you. Your kids feel it too and they know you love them. That's what they'll take with them when they grow up.

    Take care, and be gentle with yourself.

    Hedgehog

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  4. I think as long as we don't do that stuff all the time and are willing to apologize, it's okay. They're learning that nobody is perfect, that repentance is a serious part of being a person of faith, and Mom is a human being. All that is good.
    I'm sorry it was a crappy morning.

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  5. Hmmm...My hubby and my eldest daughter both have ADD (luckily not the HD part).

    I have loads of FAB information on this subject as I've dealt with this for some 11- 12 years and taken seminars on this as well.

    I HIGHLY recommend the use of Methlyphenidate (its actually very safe and very effective) - it's like turning a light switch ON and OFF in terms of their ability to focus, concentrate and be productive.

    And helps on the self-esteem issues on BOTH sides (you and your child.)

    :-)

    If you'd like to know more...or get more info from me...let me KNOW. Glad to help If i can.

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  6. Blue Gal,

    Knowing there's a problem and trying to corect it are the first steps. You don't sound like such a bad Mom to me, more like one who has too much crap to do and not enough time to do it in.

    Apologize to the kids. Remember that you are NOT Jesus (in fact, Jesus probably wasn't Jesus all the time). And keep this thought in mind...kids are amazingly resilient and can recover from almost everything (even yelling) if they know you love them and you do your best. I've got faith you can do just that.

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  7. Oh, honey, you are not a shitty mom. If you were, you wouldn't see anything wrong with yelling at your kids. I bet you don't do it very often. Sunday mornings are always a battle at our house -- 12-year-old daughter never wants to get up, but she gets mad if we leave her at home, 8-year-old daughter doesn't like her church shoes and doesn't want a barette in her hair, etc., etc. I'm pretty sure they know that we love them anyway, but they get lots of hugs and kisses just to make sure.

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  8. (believe me, the plane flight by myself is a vacation in and of itself.)

    Every primary caregiver needs breaks, & it shouldn't take a blue moon to trigger the break, if at all possible. I hope your trip is refreshing. The hugs of reunion are always sweeter for some reason.

    Thanks for the push to sign up for Blogger; the Dark Wraith has a page that gave step by step instructions that helped as well.

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  9. Hello again,

    I've added you to my blogroll. My main thing is honesty, and you seem to have loads of it.

    Thanks for stopping by again. You're absolutely right, they won't be little for long.

    I need to write that down and hang it on my wall so I can see it, and remember every day.

    Enjoy your trip! Be safe and all that.

    *heh, it's midnight and the two year old just woke up crying. You think I'll miss that someday?

    Probably

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  10. Hey, doll, remember that Jesus spent an awful lot of time talking about forgiveness - probably because us mortals need so much of it. You are NOT a shitty mom. Shitty moms feel NO remorse. You are a beautiful force of nature with a big heart and a big brain and you had a bad morning. It will be better. You'll make it better. Just take a breath and let in all the love around you.

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  11. Gosh, BG, sounds like a hard Sunday. Here's raising a cup of sparklingly pure water to the fact that that one is entirely over, never to return, and we're graced with a new one starting right about now.

    Will you be in town any time before or after Tacoma?

    ::hugz::

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  12. Sorry Shunra, it's in and out of Tacoma for this one. ALL of you are invited to Port Townsend, Washington, this summer. We are going to hug and drink and sigh.

    I did apologize to my son and he said (remember, please, that imho every word out of his mouth is a miracle, he with language delays, etc.)

    That's okay Mom, just don't do it again on a Sunday Morning.

    me: I love you!
    him: (serious) I love you, Mom, because, you are beautiful. You are the perfect mom for me.

    What a smoothie. Now, some people are concerned that boys with his "condition" will wind up without a girlfriend/wife. ha. again I say, ha.

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  13. Aw, Blue Gal! It's not easy being a mommy..hang in there.

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  14. My parents are pretty stubborn. Rarely would they ever apologize if they'd been too harsh on me, but they loved me the best way they could.

    They had a very strict I-am-the-parent you-are-the-child kind of mentality.

    But as a previous poster pointed out...unless you're a sociopath (bad parent), I suppose you will always worry that you've been too harsh on your brood.

    You're fine, friend, you're fine.

    Hang in there.

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