Friday, December 15

The War on Christmas Blogswarm. Santa Responds:

image stolen from the always wonderful Is Richmond Burning?

And because I just can't resist the temptation to turn my blog into a cheesy women's magazine feature, here's a bonus quiz! Find out just how much Christmas you can handle!

Give yourself one point for each thing you do during the Christmas season, then see how you score!

1. Hang Christmas lights outside.
2. Order Personalized Christmas Cards
3. Have over 100 family photos printed
4. Compose Annual Christmas Letter.
5. Create laser printer labels, complete with year, for the back of the photos.
6. Buy and wrap all of the presents your family will give this year.
7. Don't forget the kid's teachers, the mailman, your pastor (if any), and your spouse's secretary.
8. Buy two sets of Christmas stamps, religious (see minister above) plus snowflake so your heathen friends won't be offended. By the stamp. On your holiday card.
9. Buy 18 snowflake pencils and sets of three snowman and Santa stickers for goodie bags for your child's school Christmas party.
10. Bake Cookies for the Parent Appreciation (?) Lunch at Cub Scouts.

Now score yourself:

7-10 points - Well, congratu-f-ing-lations, you put Mrs. Claus to shame, ya elfin beeyotch!
4-6 points - Screw the black box warning: you need Prozac, in the limited edition red and green capsules!
1-3 points - Thanks for putting up the outside lights, honey.
Zero points - No offense, but you think you'll keep her, huh? Asshole.


  1. I am the worst. I do buy and wrap presents. My kids are pestering us to put up a bunch of lights like the other families on the block, and if I can figure out how to get them to stay up, I'll do it. Glue gun, maybe? And I try to make Christmas cookies, but not for the PTA Nazis - just my family, thank you. I could never compete with the Stepford Moms, so I don't bother trying.

    I don't even do Christmas cards. At all, much less the personalized cheery family ones. So all the rest of those questions are moot.

    Pathetic, isn't it? As long as my kids get some presents, I've done my job. Everyone else can go Cheney themselves.

  2. Anonymous11:32 PM

    I don't know if I need to do better - or be proud I scored a 3. Sigh.

    There is a real tree (chosen carefully from a tree farm that included a hay & horse ride for the little blue duck) on the front porch, a Santa Clause Lane sign hanging on the mailbox and icicle lights across the porch. Maybe that's an extra point. But do I want an extra point?

    I'm so confused.

  3. Anonymous1:07 AM

    Woo Hoo! The goose egg. I couldn't be more proud.

  4. Big zero here ... no kids, no partner, (no hassles) ...
    ;-) ... therefore, no points. I might get something for the dogs, would that count?


  5. Anonymous6:58 AM

    I might get a 1.5 before the actual day gets here, assuming we get around to putting up any outside lights. I have done most of the shopping, but Dear Husband will get to do the wrapping. Does this make me a godless liberal?

  6. A BIG HEATHEN 0 for the past 15 years

  7. Anonymous11:01 AM

    What be this 'Christmas'? Th'tree in me cabin? That just be a clever ruse on me part t'bring in a lil' bit o'dash t'help th'crew when they miss land...

    Aye, Th' Cap'n scored a big zilch on this one. Tsk, tsk, so unlike her.

  8. The reindeer lights are out and a card will be sent to the Greatest.


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