Sunday, May 21

Guest Blogger - Jesus H. Christ

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We are gonna end the guest blogging with a post from none other than Jesus H. Christ of the blog Emails from Jesus.

I was a little hesitant to even ask Jesus to guest blog, what with him being so busy and all being our Lord and Savior. It turns out Jesus is a really kind, accessible guy. Funny, 'cause if you listen to some of his so-called prophets today you'd think you had to jump through holiness hoops just to get his attention.

It makes sense that Jesus would prefer that we all be just, well, familiar with him, since on many occasions he calls his own father "Abba" (Daddy). I just hope that these days that doesn't remind the Father of that silly Scandinavian group.

Jesus, I really appreciate the props. Thanks hon.

_________________________________________


Hey, my children. I guess I don’t need too much of an intro. I mean, I am
your Lord and Savior. You can call me Jesus…JC…J-Dawg…pretty much
whatever you want. (Not Sally, though, please, I hate that, man!)

I haven’t been blogging long. Actually, dude, I didn’t know what a blog
was until recently. Eh. When you have crap like President Bush (har, har,
thanks for the funny joke, Satan) causing a billion prayers a day, who’s
got time for the internet??

Anyway. If you haven’t been to my site (www.emailsfromjesus.com),
basically, I answer prayers sent via email.

When I started EFJ, I expected to answer stuff like, “why is my grandma
sick?” and “why do people die?” and “will you forgive me for that hooker,
even though my wife won’t?” So far: none of that stuff. The prayers I
do receive are more “Did you have sex with a lot of easy hotties back in
your day?” and “Is anal sex okay?”

I’ve never gotten a mental prayer like this (except from Jim Baker…I got
lots of weird crap from that dude). What is it about the net that brings
out the ever-lovin’ pervert in everyone? Don’t get me wrong, I love me
some crazy prayers, dude, but you internet folks are a special breed.
Would you ask your real father what his thoughts were on anal? Hmmm. I
certainly wouldn’t. (Then again, MY father would strike me with
lightning.) You crazy, crazy kids. Even all you sickos, I love ya.

Please keep sending me prayers (jesus@emailsfromjesus.com), comments, suggestions, praise, whatever works, dude. I try to answer everything – via email or on the site. And, don’t forget to email my pal, Stan (a.k.a. Satan) (satan@emailsfromjesus.com). He’s the newest member of EFJ and, even though a little grumpy, is more than willing to answer questions and take comments.

Bless you all, children.

Jesus H. Christ

6 comments:

  1. I'd go for those panties!

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  2. I consider it a tender mercy from God that this post was written before that silly code movie came out. Good timing, JHC.

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  3. Wow...nevah knew Blue Gal was Sooo well connected to such luminaries in the Bloggotopia.

    Now IF ya could just do something bout those Vicious Attack Internets (I am beginning to suspect they *ate* faf) - Then We'd be Talkin some Real Miracles ...iffin ya know what I means. *wink*

    Counting on YOU - Jesus.

    ;-)

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  4. Dear Mr. Jesus,
    What is the REAL secret of the Da Vinci Code?

    Just wonderin'.

    ReplyDelete
  5. “Is anal sex okay?”

    Well, IS it? You are such a tease, Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  6. WOW. I asked for a sign and. . .WOW . . you show up HERE! I guess I'm officially a beleiver again. . .

    ReplyDelete

I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!