Tuesday, October 4

Day One of the Blue Gal hearings...


Promising that he would keep his camera phone in his pocket this time, Senator Orrin Hatch (R, Utah) opened confirmation hearings for the Blue Gal nomination to SCOTUS.

"I'm pleased to see, as I'm sure my colleagues also noted, that Blue Gal comes to us today not only free of any allegiance to the President, but also completely devoid of any visible panty line." said Senator Hatch, referring to an embarrassing episode during confirmation hearings of one of Blue Gal's predecessors, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

The hearings proceeded with testimony from Blue Gal colleagues and supporters:

The first testifier was Anonymous, author of several "inside the beltway" novels and countless blogosphere comments:

"Look, I wouldn't post anything bad about Blue Gal. Sure, I think her interests are a bit sick and perverted, but I'm okay with that."

NPR Correspondent Nina Totenberg noted that a majority of the committee members from both sides nodded in agreement with this comment.

Longtime Blue Gal associate Akabini also supported Blue Gal's nomination, pointing out that if Blue Gal is:

"a suburban housewife, then Tom Jones is a Welshman who sings a little."

Blue Gal herself noted that despite the accolades, today was a difficult day for her.

"You see, this morning The Birmingham News had a page one story about that jerk-off Roy Moore announcing his campaign for Governor of Alabama. And since undoubtedly the entire country will be bringing suit against a Governor Roy Moore for one constitutional violation after another, Blue Gal feels it is not appropriate for her to comment on any of the previous occasions when Mr. Moore pissed on the Constitution of the United States of America."

"Ooh, you're good." remarked Senator Joseph R. Biden, Jr. (D, Delaware). It could not be concluded whether Senator Biden was remarking on Blue Gal's sworn statement or on the camera phone photo he had just taken from under the witness table.

Senator Russell Feingold (D, Wisconsin) asked Blue Gal whether she could give some general opinion of the state of the blogosphere.

"There are some other bloggers out there, some good, some not so good, who are nevertheless flying under the radar of the general blogosphere." Blue Gal noted. "These blogs are associated with Salon, and should be browsed by Blue Gal readers for their content and creativity."

Committee Chairman Arlen Specter (R, PA) was asked just how long these hearings would continue. "My colleagues and I will be checking the Technorati numbers on that and make a determination based on those figures."


  1. Beautiful--so behind this.

  2. Go on ahead with your bad self, Blue Gal! You don't need no stinkin' muu-muu!


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