Thursday, July 6

New Rules (with apologies to Bill Maher)

9958981
I didn't help him write it, but I could have.
Mr. Maher? Call me.


[Greetings to the cool kids coming over from Crooks and Liars.

You know where your panties are. xoxo]

New Rule #1:

You are not allowed to put an "end the genocide in Darfur" bumper sticker on your late-model hybrid in order to "raise consciousness in the Bay Area." The consciousness of the Bay Area was raised up over the Santa Ana mountains in 1978. Those still lucky (?) enough to be alive in Darfur are interested in some peacekeeping troops, not a bunch of old long hairs who, admit it, are marching against genocide so they can meet some hippie pussy.

New Rule #2:

Do not get all huffy about Mother Theresa. Ever. I don't care if she supported the reactionary policies of the Pope or was a shill for the pro-life movement. She was an 80 something Catholic nun, you kneejerk fuckwads. She glorified suffering? Maybe that's because her God was nailed to a stick and left to die of asphyxiation. Unless you cleaned dysentery toilets in Calcutta and no one noticed you until you won the Nobel Peace Prize, shut the fuck up. And no, I don't give a shit if she only flew first class after that. If you want to attack the entire Catholic Church, or all the evils so-called Christians have unleashed in the Common Era, let me know when your boat sails and I'll be on it. But seriously, step away from the nun. By the way, if she's right and we're wrong, right now she's probably looking down at you from heaven and flipping you the bird, and mooning Ken Lay as he's turned away at the gate.

New Rule #3:

If you oppose a new building in your town, do not write to the city council, as someone in Port Townsend, Washington did, and say that the building should not be built because it is not in keeping with the teachings of feng shui. And if you publish the newspaper in that town, don't republish that comment on page 1. It makes opposition to development look like our brains are in our Birkenstocks. And the developers and the city council have a really good laugh and block your view of the mountain with their condo anyway.

New Rule #4:

If you found the love of your life and got married, I'm happy for you. If you and your groom are both environmentalists, I'm proud of you. If you had an organic wedding cake, good for you. All I'm saying is, if the man you married really used The Da Vinci Code as an inspiration for his marriage proposal, then you are in for a world of pain.

That is all.

27 comments:

  1. That rule #3? that one HURTS!

    (sigh. SOME hippies smoked away their brains, din't they?)

    Right on with Mama T. and the inadvisability of using Dan Brown as inspiration for ANYTHING, from toilet paper to disposing of over-priced sparkly rocks.

    Raising consciousness is long, slow work... ...anywhere. Here too. You know my hobby horse... ...I still get looked at funny... ...but the chicks I meet are the kewlest! ::wink::

    ReplyDelete
  2. I used to kind of get a kick out of Bill Maher, but ever since I heard he did the Coultergeist, I just feel queasy looking at him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. great post! i never agreed with mother teresa's stance on abortion, but she walked the walk and so, i respected her and still do. the catholic church(catholic grade school grad here) not so much, well, not even that, but i defend their right to believe as they want, but they had better clean up the perv problem and stop blaming gays.(my rant)

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG Alicia. I do not want a visual on that one. But Maher has always struck me as a bit of a misogynist, so doing Coulter fits.

    Right on Sherry. I'm all for that rant. But again, I think misogyny disguised as anti-Catholic Church is a big part of the anti MT brigade. Some people can't stand a strong woman.

    I'm ready to do the big "Christians throughout history have killed and done all kinds of evil in the name of Jesus" post anytime. I just think I'd bore myself and everybody else, too. But lots of that bad stuff is happening today, and we need to watch and keep fighting for religious freedom, and the Constitutional rights of all regardless of religion, morality, or lack thereof. As a good friend said, "common sense for the common good." off my soapbox.

    ReplyDelete
  5. #4 is my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  6. yes, i agree with you blue gal. i support anyone's right to believe as they choose(as long as they do not harm anyone else in the practice of their faith)

    i wish others would grant everyone that right including our president who has made statements as to what is or is not a religion in his eyes.

    religions throught history have done great harm and great good. i hope they evolve into just doing good for the sake of doing good and let others maybe join thier faith because of their example instead of the ways many faiths have chosen to gain members/converts over the centuries.

    as for coulter, now they have found plagerism to add to her list of accomplishments! i also think maher has a distinct air of the misogynist about him even tho i enjoy listening to him.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Now, now, Blue Gal.

    You're advocating that people get their collective heads out of their asses, look around the world in which they live, and speak rationally and logically rather than promoting spin and being a dilatante/follower?

    You're advocating that people ought to actively lead rather than passively follow?

    Good for you.

    Let me modify George O. Liber's famous quote:

    "Lies will get you everywhere. But the truth will set you free."

    P.S. Seems to me that in times of war or perceived war, the executive branch of government will always try to encroach on the other two brances.

    I've been reading about the Napoleonic Wars and how the Austrian Empire rolled back all of its newly granted civil rights under the pretext of "protection".

    ReplyDelete
  8. Rule 1 - someone has got to lighten up somewhere, even if its only the street lamps
    Rule 2 - someone has got to live in the blachole of Calcutta before you can understand what light is
    Rule 3 - City Council Planning? Blue Gal we need ya here
    Rule 4 - Well is it a sin if i like a good yarn "Da Vinci code" et al. They get 'enviromentally' married and live in a Condo outside your window!

    ReplyDelete
  9. PS - Blue Gal, I couldn't resist using your Indepants day thong at my place in dimensions ((hidden)) alongside Einstein's quote. Hope that's ok with you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/
    speaking of religious freedom
    they have a post about a fallen soldier's widow and her fight to get his marker engraved with the symbol of his faith.(wiccan) they have a link to the washinton post article.
    i say, he died for this country. i thought we still had freedom of religion. this is a shame. this is from the newspaper article...

    Stewart, 34, is believed to be the first Wiccan killed in combat. He was serving in the Nevada National Guard when the helicopter in which he was riding was shot down in Afghanistan last September. He previously had served in the Army in Korea and Operation Desert Storm. He was posthumously awarded a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star.

    bet nothing gets done.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That guy did coulter? Now I know why evilness emanates from the picture on his book....

    Right to choose religion? Common sense talk at last. Seriously you should go into politics. Might shape things up.

    Pippa

    ReplyDelete
  12. ...and when he's not doing right-wing human-Slim-Jims, he's doing surgically enhanced Hugh Hefner rejects. You can tell a lot about a person by the company he or she keeps.

    ReplyDelete
  13. fascinating talk. 'Course I've been thinking about Bill Maher all day, and my impression, not to be too Freudian on the couch with the man, is that he is the type who was rejected over and over again in high school, and now because he's a tv star women the world over will be his arm candy. So he chooses Hugh Hefner reject arm candy, and illustrates real self-hatred with the Coultergeist, and avoids like the plague any real relationship with a woman because of course no one can really love him for himself, they must want his fame. Too bad, he's both smart and funny which without the hangups is tres sexy.

    Sorry this blog is starting to sound Dr. Phil. I'm going to do a don't sugarcoat it tomorrow that will knock you gals' socks off.

    ReplyDelete
  14. If you want to attack the entire Catholic Church, or all the evils so-called Christians have unleashed in the Common Era, let me know when your boat sails and I'll be on it.
    Okey Doke. Weigh anchor!
    By the way, if she's right and we're wrong, right now she's probably looking down at you from heaven and flipping you the bird, and mooning Ken Lay as he's turned away at the gate.
    But she isn't right :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. you don't sound like dr phil, you sound like you have a lot of common sense, keep on keep'n on!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you, Sherry, for mentioning the Wiccan soldier. It seems odd that if the government can put 16 to 20 different symbols on markers; why can't they provide a pentacle?

    They're probably using the money they are saving by not putting on a pentacle to balance the budget.

    I am a Pagan, and Mother Theresa is a "saint" to me.
    Bill Maher isn't.

    ReplyDelete
  17. qwerty, you may be right, but I love the image of Mother Theresa flashing her ass at Ken Lay. Sue me.

    The rest of you rock as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sorry, Momma-T is fair game. Though Christopher Hitchens has fallen from grace in other respects, his book on her was quite revealing. I would add the opposite of of your query, "What if she is wrong?" I think it is the more likely probability, so to be purportedly doing "good deeds" for the sake of perpetuating ignorance is no good deed at all. Mother Teresa's rise to favored status in the Catholic church was due to her fundraising abilities. Prior to that they thought she was perverting doctrine. Their push for her sainthood will be good for business though the "miracles" attributed to her are pretty thin. Finally, her hypocrisy in seeking to influence the Irish elections stating that allowing divorce is wrong while also stating it was good fro Princess Diana shows just what an opportunist she is, cleaning toilets or no.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ouch. I think I need to put a beefsteak to both my eyes after reading that. One of your all-time greatest rants, Blue Gal. Now excuse me while I make a trip to the freezer than continue writing one of my best alltime rants about Homeland Security.

    (Congrats on getting linked on Mike's Blog Roundup again.)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Mother Theresa was a flawed individual. I don't see where she gets special dispensation. There's a section of her Wiki page titled "Criticism of medical care provided" that seems to detail some of the realities behind her legend.

    Bill Maher may have laid down with the Beast, but at least he never subjected seriously ill people to unsanitary conditions and tuberculosis.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Chuck2:06 PM

    Maher wouldn't have to be a misogynist to do Coulter. A self-loathing masochist with supressed homosexual tendencies maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  22. hi pepper. a lot of blogs are carrying the wiccan story today.
    i just thought it a prime example of more than 1 hypocracy in our country. we are supposed to have freedom of religion. wicca is recognized(not that it or any other religion need be)by the government and the services(but not by our president, says he!)there are as you mentioned, many different symbols for grave markers for sevice people, but not for wiccans. that brings me to the great bulls..t war on christians baloney.
    i say, that man died for this country and this is still supposed to be america, give him the respect and the freedom he fought and died for.shame on this country if we don't make them do it!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Most smackalicious,
    Ah, Bluegal.
    Why are all the good ones married with kids & living Birmingham, Alabama? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh stop, Drifty, you just love me for my brain.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Gal,
    About Mother Theresa, apparently you missed the story about an unfortunate bureaucratic mix-up:
    http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30076

    ReplyDelete
  26. Gregorio1:48 PM

    Ah, Blue Gal, I love you so, and even more now that bush shavin' and panty pullin' are part of my day's political pratter. Just like Fox News!!! Ah, just kidding, BG. ;-) I get the twist.

    Anyway, about rule 2, I can see your point, but look, can I stretch it a bit and say, well, can we do some comparing? I'm sure MT did a lotta good, and I praise her for that, whatever her faults.

    But I keep saying to myself, why doesn't Dorothy Day of the Catholic Worker movement http://www.catholicworker.org/
    get any credits for sainthood? Could it be her,---GASP---, criticism of raw capitalism and alliance with the working people of our own country that keeps her in obscurity?

    Helping the poor is a fine spiritual practice, but critiquing the system that pumps out poverty, that depends on poverty to keep the elite in clean sheets, now that's not cool...

    This kind of talk would get me executed by the Coutergeists of the world, but I know the Blue Gal loves a good scrap...

    And looks like C&L loves yah too! Keep yer panties on and KEEP ON BLOGGIN'

    ReplyDelete
  27. Welcome home, Gregorio! And I just love Dorothy Day. Didja ever hear Pierce Pettis's Lions of the Coliseum? Nice tribute to her.

    ReplyDelete

I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!