Thanks for all the great advice, folks.
We have an independent (not Geek Squad) laptop repair shop in town and they've got my computer until probably Tuesday. I'll keep you posted as I am able. I don't like the kid computer here; it's old and klunky for a reason.
I'm a PC person by habit and inclination, no offense to the MAC people out there. This too shall pass.
Thanks again for the well-meant advice. We'll see how everything unfolds.