Friday, September 18

Why I Read Esquire Rather Than Cosmo

Cosmo's sex advice for women: Wear your thong as a hair tie.

Esquire's sex advice for men: "Your primary objective must be to make her very, very, very happy. Because it is easy to make you happy. You can do that all by yourself--even with one hand tied behind your back."And from the latest issue, which is not online yet: "When she says 'don't move' while you're having sex? She means it. Really. Don't. Move."

Also, Esquire realizes that just because a blanket is brown on one side and pink on the other, this does not make the bedroom "set", as the catalog would indicate, "UNISEX":

Ladies? Be fair. Bedroom "sets" are not unisex, pretty much ever. And really, that comforter there, on the bed of a grown woman who points out she picked out the brown curtains 'for you', is justifiable grounds for the boyfriend to blurt: "Oh God, I suddenly remembered a very important appointment that will take... the rest of my life."

1 comment:

  1. The pattern on that comforter looks like a cheap-ass motherfucking dop kit you get for free when you buy a Maybelline mascara.


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