Fat Tuesday Follies

I really don't get the whole Mardi Gras panties thing. By now you all know the rules, right?

Okay, kids, I've been giving a lot of thought to this post. I was gonna publish my actual weight on this here blog, and then use that as a springboard to mornings with oatmeal, daily walks, lots of fruits and vegetables, that sort of thing. And I may still turn a new leaf and do all of that (minus the weight confession). But I went to church this weekend and did pray for Jill Carroll. I thought of that dear woman waiting to see if a possible civil war is gonna delay her release another thirty days or more. I really want to do better than pulling some Kirstie Alley stunt.

And as I thought about what to do a favorite (don't gag on me here lefties) Bible verse came to mind:

What does the Lord require of thee
But to do justly
And to love mercy
And to walk humbly with thy God? (Micah 6:8)

There's more to this chapter, folks, stay with me...

Shall I count [them] pure with the wicked balances, and with the bag of deceitful weights?

For the rich men thereof are full of violence, and the inhabitants thereof have spoken lies, and their tongue [is] deceitful in their mouth.


Sound like anybody we know?


from the always brilliant Seeds of Doubt

One of the things none of us lefties should give up for Lent is blogging.

We must do justly (keep the heat on those bastards).

Love mercy (for the people of Iraq as well as our own troops, the captives in every land, and our own suffering here at home, especially in Katrina ravaged areas).

And walk (and blog) humbly. Thanks for being there, readers. Much love to you as a period of work, reflection, and growth awaits us. Along with Walnut's Bread Pudding. I'm off to the grocery store to buy heavy cream. Yum.

Confidential to the anonymous emailer who asked me how I could call myself a Christian and put down our nation's leaders at the same time: er, I just did. God bless you, too.

That ban on Republican adoption

I debated about posting this image, but hey, it's topical and it's posted before Lent.
Order the T-shirt here, but don't try to wear it on a Southwest flight.

Hey Jenny Slater again has a great post about one Ohio legislator's effort to ban Republicans from adopting. Blue Gal is all for it. If, God forbid, I should have to give up my cherubs to another, I would definitely pick Isaac Mizrahi over Rick Santorum.

If you want a fascinating perspective on things, look no further than Dena's new blog, Twisted Tongues. And before you get all panties on me, she's a translator, actually in the world of Middle Eastern translators she's somebody, and her writing and views are definitely worth the bookmark. Think of the importance of translating in this context:

...failure to include a translator in a delivery room team led to the unnecessary and tragic death of a baby only ten days old, as we’re told by the Saipan Tribune. Let me shout it out from the rooftops: “What’s your native language?” should be right on top of medical charts. Situations of pain and stress (childbirth leaps to mind and does somersaults for us) can lead to an inability to focus on skills acquired late in life. Heck, breathing is enough of a problem. Language should be a checkbox, not a problem, and no baby anywhere should die of this.

Yer blogrolled, babe.

BTW no medal in the Knitting Olympics for me. Didn't even finish the back. But maybe by Oscars.

Later this week in Blue Gal: Fat Tuesday Follies, book review of Anne Lamott's Plan B, and what not to give up for Lent (Blogging. Definitely not blogging.)

A Reminder: She's still a hostage

For a moment, just a moment, stop thinking about our gun happy vice (literal and not), portgate, Plamegate, and what's for dinner. For a moment, hold her in your heart.

Her captors have apparently stated they want this to end by this Sunday. Let us pray that means her release with a minimum of drama, even if that does not meet the needs of the 24 hour news cycle, no apologies whatsoever to Wolf Blitzer.

Updates, including the Iraqi public service announcement calling for her release, are available at the website of her own newspaper, The Christian Science Monitor.

Links for Thursday

order yours here, though I like Bob Harris's design better.
He just doesn't have panties.

sp3ccylad has a new song up, and I really like it. sp3ccylad may hate me for this, but it sounds to me like he's channelling Beck but at the same time Beck is eating his heart out.

Ya know something's been bothering Blue Gal all week: the Cheney/Hume thang. Which one got the free blowjob? Scats at American Coprophagia has the answer.

I love Rob's advice for the Christian woman.

Go vote for the "the 2006 Craaaziest Christian of the Year™." I'll wait.

In the meantime, my vote for best web redesign (apart from hall of famer Walnut) goes to Smart Patrol. Love the flying pigs.

That's where Dubai yer Calvin Klein...

This whole thing about Dubai taking over one of our ports for terriorist purposes is so funny. I know a little about Dubai because I have a relative who has worked there on and off. Quotes from relative are "Damn it's so hot and you can't get a beer there." and "Gas prices can't go high enough for me."

Number one is we don't have to worry about any actual citizen of Dubai working at one of our ports. They don't work. Work is for Pakistanis and East Indians, who are shipped into Dubai to do the work. Dubai citizens shop, because they have lots of money to shop with. There's a reason Calvin Klein opened a private boutique in Dubai. He can make money there. Lots of it.

Carrie Fisher had an article in the New York Times Travel Magazine about her visit to Dubai and how all you can do there as a tourist is shop. The entire country is dry, so partying is out. But there is a one million square foot MALL there:

The BurJuman offers a million square feet of luxury and comfort. Over 190 prestigious stores, including Louis Vuitton, Donna Karan, Escada, MaxMara, Polo Ralph Lauren, DKNY, Calvin Klein and more.

So I don't think we have to worry about any Dubai war on Christmas.

All we're doing by selling them our ports is giving them more money with which to buy luxury goods from us, except that those luxury goods probably aren't manufactured here either. Oh, well. Maybe if we're really good allies to them and keep watching Dancing with the Stars instead of doing our science homework, we will be lucky enough to get a low wage job in retail at a fancy Dubai mall. Been listening to Billy Bragg a lot lately (love the greatest hits cd) and he's right: The Third World is just around the corner.

More from Pittsburgh

Thanks to Spork I find out that Dad's latest gallery show is online. Dad is too modest, I suppose, to let me know of such things.

Spork also has a lovely photo of Rick Santorum's mansion (who paid for THAT?) with a link to the floor plan. Man, what the internet cannot do.

Speaking of politicians we need to kick outta office, did anybody else notice that Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that the only Democrat he trusted was...Joe Lieberman? Excuse me while I bang my head against a brick wall to get that "endorsement" outta my brain.

By now you all know to buy your gas from Citgo, right?

Back from Pittsburgh

Blue Gal dragged her three kids up to Pittsburgh this long weekend to celebrate (and surprise) her dad on the occasion of his 70th birthday. He does not look it, kids. It was wonderful to watch him tear up over the view of his three daughters and five grandkids, all in the same room, which should also be mentioned, was at Max's Allegheny Tavern on the North Side. The potato pancake reuben rocks, folks.

While there, I froze my butt to meet Eli and Spork. Well worth it. Fellow bloggers, if you get a chance to meet other bloggers face to face, do it. Thanks, boys, I enjoyed meeting you and actually talking blogging with guys who do it well.

Travel tip: there is not a bar at the Priory. You have been warned.

Kids say the darnedest things...

Burka Barbie is for real (link)

So my mother has sent my 3yo a box of thrift store Barbies and Barbie clothes, some of which would make Grace Jones blush. While I am driving her home from preschool, strapped in her car seat in the far back of the minivan, 3yo looks at her Barbie (naked) and remarks,

"Barbie has really strong nipples."

I take it all back. As a mama, I rock. This girl sees "strong nipples" not "big nipples." She's set.

BTW Monk has nailed what is wrong with the whole "Cheney got a gun" thang:

Cheney, and this whole administration, is guilty of

"Firing without having a clear idea of what the outcome will be and then scrambling deceitfully to control the disastrous outcome."

Hold the phone though, leftie bloggers. Sometimes we can go too far...as in the Deadeye Dick Cheney Gun Club:




Starting my weekend early, kids outta school for four days. Have a good one.

Help pick Blue Gal's imaginary boyfriend

I'm picking up this meme from Douglas's post on celebrities he'd like to shag. You boys will have your milfs, gilfs, movie star-ilfs, it's all about the ilfs, but hey, it's different for girls. Blue Gal can count on her earlobes the number of boys she's let go THAT far, and lately it's been only for the purposes of procreation. Women need a little more stability than just flying from flower to flower. So taking a cue from Hey Jenny Slater's fake girlfriend poll, here, in alphabetical order, are the top five imaginary boyfriends for Blue Gal, none of which should be a surprise to anyone.

1. George Clooney



Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 8 (up from 6 last year)
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 8 (but he really doesn't hafta say anything)
Hunk-o-rama scale: 11
Points off: he's a playboy because he can


Anti-O'Reilly points for this one, and the Good Night movie and great interviews for this year put him in the running and bumped Russ Feingold outta the top five. He is still not allowed anywhere near my daughters, even though they're toddlers. The older man thang runs in their blood.

2. John Cusack



Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 9
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 10
Hunk-o-rama scale: 8.5
Points off: "fuh-king psy-cho" - Minnie Driver as Debi, Grosse Point Blank

He'd have to quit smoking but his brain is the most lickable in Hollywood. Bonus points for how well he treats his even more talented sister.


3. Keith Olbermann



Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 8
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 9
Hunk-o-rama scale: 8
Points off: former sportscaster

Yeah, liberal gal bloggers, the line forms right behind me. I've offered him my ovaries many times in this space, all to no avail. Major points for exposing Bill O'Reilly as the major pissant he is, for being a voice of sanity while making us laugh, too. Those lips tell the truth, and are extremely kissable.

4. Alan Rickman



Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 7
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 10 (points on for diction)
Hunk-o-rama scale: 8
Points off: keep the creepy Snape makeup at home

Just plain sexy, aging beautifully, and never lets the star (celebrity) get in the way of the moon (acting).

5. Wallace Shawn



Intelligence as aphrodisiac scale: 12
Verbal skills (for foreplay and afterglow) scale: 10
Hunk-o-rama scale: 6
Points off: too many aggressive New York women want him

Wally totally bumps Woody Allen outta the ballpark, ladies. We will spend the entire afternoon in bed, laughing.

Cast your vote in comments, folks.

My funny Valentine...

Oh, Scotty. Well, since Threadingwater stole my panties (joke), I get to steal her post for today, and link to Scotty McClellan's Press interrogation regarding Vice, who, in case you haven't heard, finally just went out and shot somebody. About time, too. As usual, Borowitz nails it.

I don't love AL as much in person as I do in her blog. I love her more. Way more. Brace yer budget, girlfriend. This is now an ANNUAL event. And Akabini too was her usual wonderful self, even without the champagne and chocolate. She's just the kind that brings the champagne and chocolate, along with the fabulous "we are not allowed to talk about husbands, this weekend is about US" rule. Now how fabulous is THAT? Tacoma was great, the knitting olympics sweater is great...back almost done. Go Team Wales!!!

A little blogorama housecleaning. Little Green Fascists is added to the blogroll, with hopes they can post more often than CFAV. And there's a new url and title for QuakerDave. He's the Quaker Agitator once again.

But now I have to go re-attach the toilet to the floor. No, I am not making this up. Two year olds will flush wipes and clog it all while only Daddy is there to "watch" ahem. Welcome home, Mommy!

UPDATE: So I'm re-attaching the toilet to the floor and giving it a test flush and it starts overflowing and I can't get the wet-dry vac turned on in time and just then I think, "You know, if Yarn Harlot could see me now she would be eating her ever fun-so-loving heart out." Some trips just change your life forever.

And happy Valentine's Day, lovies. xoxo


http://www.acme.com/licensemaker/

Some things are just plain wrong.

And no I'm not just talking about everything that comes out of the mouth of our Attorney General.

1. Catholic Priest blesses a Hooters. Now see, it didn't take any time at all for Betty Friedan to roll over in her grave.

2. I swear I am not making this up. President Bush online prayer rally. You can sign up for a specific time to pray for the President. Brought to you by the latest addition to the blogroll, Don't floss with tinsel.

3. Help me out: which word in the following statement is the most wrong? Elton John executive producer of an ABC sitcom. (Tip of something tasty to Queerty.)

4. And you thought only Christians could be wacky? An Egyptian cleric has issued a fatwa declaring that "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage". Pat Robertson, eat your heart out!


Those that are right? The usual suspects:

Helen Thomas
Russ Feingold
Jimmy Carter.

Oh. Also Giblets and Fafnir.

I'm outta here until next week, relaxing and knitting with AL and akabini. Have a great time, kids. xoxo

Put on your Blue Gal panties and deal with it.

The goal is that when you Google "panties" and click "I'm feeling lucky", it will take you right to my blog.

When I did it today, this is where I wound up. Browse around their site, you'll like what you see.

Oh, and start the Google bomb whenever you like.

BTW this is my 200th post. Not quite as prolific as Douglas Walnut, (loving his new digs) but still.

Praying and crying

Do ya think that gives equal time to those offended by the Muhammed cartoons?

I think I've gotta take a break from blogging. My house is a disaster, I'm travelling Thursday to Tacoma (believe me, the plane flight by myself is a vacation in and of itself.) I found myself (again) yelling like an animal at my three kids just to get them dressed for church. Then we went to Church and the gospel is all about being more like Jesus and let the words of your mouth and the meditation of thy spirit, aw CRAP my head drops and I'm just crying my eyes out right in front of old white people who just wanna read what's in the old 1928 prayer book and go home to the Super Bowl.

And my dear son flinched at my yelling this morning. High functioning autism, possible ADHD, he hugged me and told me he loved me and then less than an hour later I make him flinch with my yelling over his shoes and where are they for the fourth time?!?

Crap, I am such a shitty mom. Gotta great blog, though.

Need to get my priorities in order, ya think?

I couldn't have said it better myself...

It's been a while since I read Queer Joe. He does not appear to have an RSS feed and Bloglines is where I read blogs most often. But I'm delighted to post this quote and provide an "Amen!"

Despite a majority of citizens who passionately care about important issues, I see this country as a place which includes increased levels of capital punishment, polarized populations of very rich and very poor, healthcare needs that have raised our infant mortality rates to embarrassing levels, a failing penal system with a recidivism rate that is untenable, a government awash in self-serving corruption and a hawkish desire for war. I can't help but ask myself, "Has this country lost all sense about its purpose as spiritual beings?"

I don't have any issues about mixing God and politics, but when the elimination of the separation of church and state bring us to a time where we're more concerned with abortion than feeding our poor, or executing our criminals than helping our children grow up to be educated, productive citizens, my frustration is beyond description.

I urge you as progressives or as democrats, or even as conservative republicans, to be thinking people when it involves our society at large. To take as much action as you are able to make this country be a place of promise, and one that meets your own personal ideals of integrity and love.

I actually think there's room in the Christian Left's agenda for both feeding the poor and resisting all the Bush garbage on a larger scale. Praying and working for what is right does not take more time than we have (especially if we turn off the television).

Queer Joe proves beyond anything that he is "one of us" with this quote:

It turns out that I only had to pick up 822 stitches.

It's a knitting thang. You wouldn't understand.

Wanted to give a special thanks to Pat for all the help with the Blue Gal banner hack. Douglas has the nicest (and smartest) friends.

Have a nice weekend.

Democracy, hypocrisy.

this one from Rox Populi

Tom Delay holds George Soros personally responsible for his troubles. Waah! (hat tip to the always wonderful Agitprop.) I'm just a little pissed off. Anybody who profits, works for, or gets sucked up to by Fox News or any other organization owned by Rupert Murdoch needs to stfu about George Soros. You're hypocrites.

Next time you're browsing Netflix, rent Outfoxed.

And while I've told my husband I'm not giving him any more children, Keith Olbermann, my ovaries are still available for you! The biological clock sure is ticking though, better hurry...

An Iraqi mother's prayer for Jill Carroll

This is too touching to let pass. From The Christian Science Monitor (Jill Carroll's newspaper).

The mother of one of five Iraqi female detainees released [last] Thursday expressed confidence that American journalist Jill Carroll will be released soon.

"She'll be fine and she will come out very soon because she loves Iraq and she loves Iraqis, so God will never forget her," says Siham Faraj, the mother of Hala Khalid Wahid who was detained by US forces in Iraq four months ago.

But she added, "I don't think Jill Carroll's situation has anything to do with the release of my daughter, but we definitely feel her pain....

"And to her mother, I say: I know how painful it is when a daughter is detained. But don't worry, madam. Your daughter is a great woman and she will be fine."

Blue Gal's Oscar Pix

Oh, you've been holding yer breath for this, I know.

Just going out on a limb (not) and predicting a sweep, 8 Oscars, for Brokeback Mountain.

One thing that gets overlooked with all the “controversy” is how real the straight marriages are in this movie. (That's why you should see it, Douglas.) The wives and the stresses these people go through are very believeable. Being poor, uneducated, rural, with kids really sucks, and you can see that in Heath Ledger’s marriage. It has nothing to do with his “gay” relationship on the side, it has everything to do with financial pressures and the emptiness of life in Wyoming. The whole movie really depends on those marriages.

We do have an embarrassment of riches in the best actor category this year. Hoffman is fab, but so is David Strathairn in Good Night and Good Luck. But my money is on Heath Ledger.

Jake Gyllenhaal might lose to George Clooney for best supporting actor. Jake apparently made a lot of stupid comments in interviews about how Jack and Ennis weren't "really gay" before somebody told him to shut up.

Betcha Hollywood is going to take this opportunity to send a condescending liberal message to middle America after the Reddi-whipping of the Christ movie. I predict a Brokeback sweep.

My heart votes for Paul Giamatti in Cinderella Man, but this is really just his "honor to be nominated" year. His day will come.

You can predict, and (nice touch) change your predictions as the buzz changes, here.

Memo to Cindy Sheehan: You go, girl. American historians will forget that stupid speech, and the fact that Laura Bush brought a DOG to the Capitol as her personal guest, but they will never forget what happened to you last night. Why do we have to live the mofo sixties all over again?