Thursday, November 30

Inspiration (a blog has moved).

from a wonderful online gallery of "unmentionables"--tin can panties

ReddTurtle at INTOUS has moved her blog. She's now at Redd Turtles and Blue Ducks.

Finding her again (and she's a great blogger when she blogs hint hint) has led to a fecund topic: Redd is looking for inspiration for her blog. What to blog about, how to find a hook, etc. Perfect example of her cleverness, most recently she posts a suggestion box and then says "not a Diebold system". Most reassuring and funny, too. We love smart funny women here at BG.

I love how she posits her problem: "I’m interested in so much my brain is full." Join the club, and blog it down, baby. [BTW for another great example of a full brain blogging check out Douglas at Balls and Walnuts. He doesn't necessarily focus or have a hook and his blog is nonetheless cohesive and focussed.]

One thing I want to say to ReddTurtle and the rest of you: I think it's time to get beyond the idea that blogging is a rare and unusual process. If you're like me, you've been writing, cutting and pasting, giggling, and snarking your entire adult life, and perhaps even before that. A blog is a way to a larger, more immediate audience for what you've always done, but don't let that distract you from the fact that

You are an artist.

The blog is the medium. Sure it calls to you every day "feed me feed me feed me" but so does the easel or the darkroom or the yarn stash for other artists. The fact that it's a blog and that other people will see it, probably TODAY, really hangs up some people from actually saying something.

I really don't believe that there are "creative types" or "non-creative types". There is fear and there is ignoring the fear and doing it anyway. Most mornings I wake up and have no idea what I will post that day. It happens when I show up. My advice to ReddTurtle (and anyone else who is blogging or creating in some other way) is to make a commitment for the next three weeks to show up every day. It was only when I started blogging every single day no matter what that I feel my blog became worth reading.

Do you have any other things that help you along in the creative path? Leave a comment here or over at ReddTurtle's. I'm looking forward to the dialogue. And thanks.

Wednesday, November 29

I am not making this up. Alabama License Plates (part 2)

Greetings to the beautiful people from Crooks and Liars, Pharyngula, and Shakespeare's Sister. Get your full-frontal Blue Gal here.

I blogged last month about Alabama License Plates, particularly the fact that there is a "Global War on Terror" plate for veterans of the "Global War on Terror." There aren't too many veterans, me thinks, because you know, you're not technically a "veteran" if (a) you're dead or (b) you're going to be re-deployed next week.

Recently I've noticed that there are far fewer "W" stickers on SUV's driving around Birmingham, Alabama, where I live. I see this as a slightly good sign, though it may be that since he won't be running again (barring any President-for-Life signing statement) even Alabamians don't think they need to advertise for him anymore.

But while the "W" stickers are waning, they have been replaced with something far more pernicious, in my opinion. Ladies and Gentleman, presenting Alabama's God Bless America License Plate:


I was just gonna comment how awful that jingo supporters of Bush have found a way to sneak in state-sponsored religion. Aw, isn't this just like "In God We Trust" on the money? Don't get me started. I'M A CHRISTIAN, GOD DAMMIT, AND THIS IS FUCKING OFFENSIVE TO ME.

Deep cleansing breaths.

So I'm looking up the image of this plate from the DMV and just guess what I find out. "God Bless America" is a STANDARD LICENSE PLATE. That means when you go in to get a plain old regular license plate you have a choice. You can get a passenger car plate, a motorcycle plate, a truck plate, a permanent trailer plate, or...a God Bless America plate. Go see for yourself. It's the only standard plate with a message, apart from "Stars fell on Alabama" (great song). No extra charge for God Bless America, and you get to choose it as a default at the Department of Motor Vehicles. No waiting. They will HAND YOU ONE from a pile when you pay the standard fee. No wonder I saw no fewer than eight of these on the school carpool run this morning.

I just can't believe the overwhelming kow-tow to fundie America-first fever in this state. Some state legislator thought this was a really good idea, and who is gonna argue with him apart from some Yankee transplant blogger, bless her heart?

Get this: If you are a veteran who was exposed to an atomic bomb blast in the line of duty, you have to pay three dollars to get a special plate for yourself. I looked this up because I thought it was sort of odd that in the price list it says, "Nuked Veteran." Nuked, like the noodles I had for lunch. They wouldn't actually put that on a license plate, though, and then charge three dollars to someone who was exposed to nuclear radiation defending our country, for the privilege of having it on his/her car...


At least it's got a fucking American Flag on the corner. God bless America.

Tuesday, November 28

So how do I cover this one?

I'm going to a book signing with Jimmy Carter this Friday morning. I was wondering how to cover this...I don't have a digital camera, and as a quasi-anonymous blogger, what to do?

But then I read a certain right wing blog and her "lunch with Netanyahu." I would never, ever link to her, but conveniently Rubber Hose got banned (and then unbanned) from her blog so I'll just link to that. You can click the word "threads" on his post to see the photos of the lunch, or just lookee here at my own version:

Certain right wing blogger dreams of Estee Lauder bonus week at Macy's
while corrupt [link] warmonger [link] Israeli politician seeks escape route.

This particular blogger provides an important model for blogging about celebrity encounters:

1. If the "lunch" is "Totally off the record" be sure to blog everything he says.

2. Flirt with any MSM guys there. Impress them with your deep social awareness that Israel has the right to well, anything they want, because of terrorism. End of debate. By the way, for upscale Manhattan hotel banquet-facility food, this chicken cordon bleu (that is turkey ham in there, right?) is pretty good!

3. Don't worry about spelling. You don't need to spell correctly in order to be "knowlegable", and your "favortie" FOX friend won't notice. If you catch the typos later, you still don't need to fix them. I mean, it's not like your blog is your face.

I'll have to take all of this under consideration and just get the damn book signed and thank President Carter for telling the truth about the Middle East. 'Bout time somebody did. Israel holds 300 children, some as young as twelve, in prison without trial, and won't trade any of them for one kidnapped soldier. Because of terrorism. Hope I can get a taxi after lunch.

Carter gave a kickass interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air yesterday. Once a certain blogger gets back from the mall, and has done her "blog for Bolton" for the day, this interview will...not be listened to by her. She'll probably take egg-sucker Dershowitz's word for it.

I especially loved where Carter refers to the current President as "George Bush, Junior." Subtle smacks are best.

Monday, November 27

750 plus signing statements, indexed!
Too bad they're classified.

Just in time for the end of the year tax write-off. They are fundraising for the Bush 43 Presidential Library. Bush. Library. The room is spinning. Maybe I'm not well yet.

Card catalog? My Pet Goat and The Stranger?

Go read Attaturk for more, if you can stomach it. I've got to sit down in a dark room for a few minutes.

Why blogs are important.

I usually don't link to Huffpo stories, I mean, what's the point? You either all read it anyway or you don't on principle, more power to ya. But don't miss David Sirota's article on why the MSM controls the discourse. The New York/Washington/LA myopia of the mainstream media is cut to ribbons here, and good riddance.

Sirota leaves out two important points: first, that the blogosphere is set to take on that myopia head on, and secondly, that Dean's 50 State Strategy is, too. I happen to think that these two elements, the blogosphere and the 50 State Strategy, are linked at the hip. With left-wing bloggers in some very red states (like, erm, Alabama) it makes sense for the Democratic Party to pay attention to each and every race, every state, no matter what its shade of crimson.

Couple side notes. Over at the Aristocrats we are planning a Frank Zappa blogswarm to occur sometime next month. You'll be able to post a link to your blog or maybe even guest post, particularly if you don't have your own blog. Details are still being worked out. Watch that space. I happen to think Frank Zappa one of the great political philosophers of our time:

"It pays to make the U.S. school system a crock of shit because the dumber the people are that come out, the easier it is to draft them, make them into docile consumers, or, you know, mongo employees. There are plenty of yuppies out there with absolutely nothing upstairs. Graduate airheads with PhDs and everything but they don't know anything. And what do they listen to? Certainly not my records."

The official Frank Zappa site is a real trip. Do go visit.

Second side note: I am feeling a little better, thanks. Besides, I've used up all my Mommy sick days for the next twelve years. If you think I'm going to spend my first full day on my feet in two weeks, grocery shopping, putting away laundry, and vacuuming, you would be right.

Saturday, November 25

An open letter to James Dobson

Dear Reverend Dobson:

I'm just one self-professed Christian here. We both know that you don't speak for me, and I don't speak for you.

I'm disappointed that you are too busy to help Pastor Haggard with his little gay problem, though I suspect he's far better off without your "help." The drug problem has to be addressed first, since it's a symptom, in my opinion, of the self-hatred he's inflicted since who knows when. Watching you throw him under the bus told us much more about you than about him, anyway.

I think we Christians have a huge boulder in front of us called sex. We can't seem to get over the embarrassment and guilt that comes from feeling intense human pleasure. Nevermind that all of us are here, in part, because two people decided to experience that pleasure together. (I certainly hope it was good for both of them in every instance, and that not too much alcohol or Eagles music was involved.)

We can't discuss orgasms in church, and we seem unable to get beyond the whole outside of marriage issue, even though a great many so-called Christians get marriage totally wrong. We can't discuss rape in church. We can't discuss sexual responsibility. What kind of difference could the church make if it made a serious effort to discuss alcohol abuse and sex with young people? If the church told its young men, "hey, getting her drunk is not an option." And told young women, "Look, getting drunk at a party is not "asking for it," but you are losing control of your body anyway. Don't do that. It's self-abuse and it's not, repeat, not attractive." What if we in the church told our young people that sex is terrific, especially when you love the one you're with? And that love is the most important element of a sexual relationship? Do you think we could go there, Mr. Dobson? Do you?

In His name,

Blue Gal

Friday, November 24

A 24 Hour Consumer Detox


There's a terrific article on culturejamming the "may I check your receipt" BS here. A long article, but well worth the read.

More Doc in the Box today and ooh I got to read Travel and Leisure Magazine while waiting and waiting. So today I can "Not Buy" the $8900.00 Hermes butter leather travel bag. Or the Tommy Bahama "swim to evening" collection. Or the Patagonia "mini-vacation."

We are a sick society, people, and we need more than a shot to get over it. Prayer for today: may I continue to give thanks, be humble, and consume less. May I fight the war on Christmas as a commercialistic grab-fest, and keep a deeper meaning of the holidays the year round. We are not what we buy.

Thursday, November 23

Happy Thanksgiving


So I Googled "turkey panties" and came up with this. Turns out they were "made in Turkey". Also, I would have no idea how to put them on. Pretty color, though. If you think all things red are Republican, imagine Laura Bush in these. See? It ain't so.

I'm grateful for all of you and for the opportunity to blog through pneumonia. Getting a little better, I hope: back to doc in the box tomorrow, though.

My Second Grader brought home Weekly Reader this week. I wish there was a bigger picture online or that I had a scanner.


The type in yellow asks our young readers: "How might Native Americans give thanks today?"

My Pittsburgh buddy Spork is right. Irony is dead.

Have a great holiday.

Wednesday, November 22

A special YouTube for Kathryn! Jean! Lopez!

Perhaps the reason Katie Jean can't stand the idea of handing out contraception without counseling is she's never seen it done. When it's done right, K-Lo, it's a great experience for everybody and even has the support of the surrounding community. This video should put to rest any debate about the efficacy of condoms to protect against rain, wind, pregnancy and STD's.

Before I forget...

Daniel Schorr did a very nice job of honoring Justice Louis D. Brandeis on his 150th birthday.

It was also a very nice, yet subtle, smacking about the head and shoulders to the current administration and their mis-interpretations of the Constitution.

By the way, Mr. Schorr, those of us with a real Brandeis degree consider it our honor. It is an honor indeed to have you among us.

Tuesday, November 21

My angel of mercy! Kathryn! Jean! Lopez!

So I'm lying in my sickbed and there is a post out there to write about one of my favorite blog topics: contraception, responsibility, and reproductive freedom. Figleaf (Sex blogger? Nah. Wonderful writer on the topic of sex? Yeah.) led me to it, and then there was the appointment of Eric Keroack to HHS, not the only Cabinet Level Department under Bush to forget the meaning of "scientifically accurate."

BTW Stephenson gave that appointment all the serious consideration it deserves. (And he makes great soup. Great. Soup.)

But man, oh man, I've been sick. And drugged. The good doctor took one look at this momma of three and knew the only thing that would put me in bed, since cold followed by strep followed by pneumonia hadn't done it, was codeine. Yup, that did it.

I thought I'd never blog again. I wept for you all. I prayed. And then who should arrive at my fevered bedside but...

My angel of mercy, Kathryn! Jean! Lopez!

Okay, I know. That photo of hers has been photoshopped way better than this. But just when I thought the absence of Saint Katherine Harris and Saint Santorum would leave me with no more spark, snark, or reason to go angel of mercy arrives with words to keep me blogging with comfort and joy!

It all started when through C&L (I will read C&L daily from my grave I swear) I found out both Kos and Sully had fallen in love with this nugget of angel goodness:

"Passing out contraception without any deeper context or conversation is degrading and disrespectful — to men and women. Tell me I'm crazy."

Oh honey. By the time I got your invitation, the show had opened on Broadway:

call her crazy

Before now, I'd never really spent too much time on "The Corner". This political analysis, this jaw dropper, this, (dare I say it?) angel thought broke the fever:

"Samuel Alito provides a serious challenge to John Roberts's status as SCOTUS stud."

And this exchange got me out of bed altogether:

[John Derbyshire]: "Chatting with a friend this morning (I mean, e-chatting)..."
[Kathryn Jean Lopez]: "Derb, in this day of and such, what's the difference?"

Ah Kathryn! The thought of anyone meeting you at I am healed! I am healed!

Tomorrow: a very special You Tube just for Kathryn

Saturday, November 18

Got my wish.

Sitting in the examining room at Saturday open Doc in the Box waiting for the chest x-ray results...

Six foot tall male nurse: You got a wire in your bra?

My fevered brain immediately brought Alberto Gonzalez's face to mind. As he listened through my boobs. Ick.

Anyway. The only thing to "read" in there was People and I didn't even have the strength to pick that up. But the Britney cover made me count my blessings.

"I think I'd rather have pneumonia than be her."

So I won't be being Britney. Oh well. Just forcing myself to write this because it's gonna be a few days before I post again. Thanks for all the nice wishes, folks. You're the best.

Friday, November 17

I'm beginning to think there is such a thing as...

"too sick to blog." Sorry folks. I'll be better right quick, it's nothing serious.

In the meantime, go wish Alicia at Last Left Turn Before Hooterville a happy blogiversary.

Thursday, November 16

The Weblog awards are open.

Let the blogwhoring begin! (DO nominate your own blog, people.) And if you just so happen to be wondering where Blue Gal is on the TTLB Ecosystem, she's #4386, a flappy bird, which means you would nominate her here. Just saying. Thanks, Konagod, for the heads up.

I probably won't attend the red carpet ceremony for this one. But I've got my dress ready for the Koufax's:

That's my virtual dress for the virtual red carpet. If you think I could fit in something like that after three kids, well, you're probably voting for W in '08.

I nominated a couple other blogs for best humor blog: Princess Sparkle Pony and CFAV. Don't make me pick.

Speaking of Sparklepony, Her Highness has an innovative product in development with the Michael Steele campaign talking urinal cake. (I can barely type those last three words without gagging. Sorry.) Back in the day I visited Qwerty's house and he had a pic of a smiling yuppie taped to the inside of his toilet lid. All of which gave me the idea for a low cost alternative: taping a picture of Jean Schmidt to the inside of my toilet seat lid. I like this idea better than the urinal cake because a) for some reason it doesn't have the eww factor the urinal cake does and b) it is unisex. Women can moon and men can, well, you know. Please, no comments on how she might like that. BeggingTalking toilet seat lid? Well, I might post about something like that over at Risties, but not here. Never here.

Welcome to Crooks and Liars Readers

Mike of the Blog Roundup was kind enough to give me a hat tip this morning. In his honor, I'm re-running part of a post from Election Day. Below is an interview Brainshrub did with Mike his own self. I got a copy in part because Mike has some extremely nice things to say about this here blog. But he also talks about the history of Crooks and Liars, as well as the blogosphere in general. Be aware this interview took place before Election Day.

powered by ODEO

More important than what Mike had to say about Blue Gal is what he says about blogging itself: you don't choose blogging, it chooses you. And a diamond is just a piece of coal that stuck with it. I hope bloggers who listen to this get inspired to let blogging choose them, and stick with it.

They've got a nice pic of Mike at the Odeo site, but this one is my favorite. That look could get you into, and more importantly, out of, a lot of trouble with women, and probably has, Mike honey. Oh. And he's a musician. Who has played with hmm, everybody. Whatta heartbreaker. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 15

Just a couple questions...

In the spirit of bi-partisanship exhibited by the White House:

Why was Halliburton given a no-bid contract for post Katrina clean up? Have they fulfilled the contract? What were the terms of the contract?

Why were the lowest recorded gas prices of the year the day before Election Day
? And Congress, if in order to answer this, you think you need to hold another "whore and sugar daddy" hearing with the presidents of big oil? Forget it. Send three hundred federal treasury agents to Houston, unannounced, with warrants, and confiscate hard drives. The revolution will begin forthwith. The reason this won't happen? See whore and sugar daddy comment above.

How on earth could 115,817 people vote for Jean Schmidt?

Hey, Alabama! Why haven't you counted my vote for governor yet? And why do the newspapers tally totals showing a 100% split between Democrat and Republican when the write-ins (allegedly in the thousands) have not been counted?

Trent Lott? Trent? Lott?

Tuesday, November 14

My vote for Time's "Person" of the year

The Blogosphere.

Arianna will have her panels and her list. Am I saying that KO, Colbert, Stewart, and even John Murtha would not be where they are without us? Well, yeah.

Don't get cocky. It's just a silly magazine cover, and if we win they're gonna put Markos' face on it. So there.

Sunday, November 12

So tell me, Mister Carville, do you drink during the day?


We really didn't have any doubts about that, Mary.

What is that guy smokin'? Get rid of Dean and replace with Harold Ford? Why, because he likes girls? Because Harold needs a job? What?

You are messing with success, Jimbo. It's called winning.

Are you looking for a promotion on Fox? That must be it.

Insoluable Blue Gal

Thanks to regular BG reader Gregorio for finding the insoluable Blue Gal coloration molecular biology thang.

Needless to say, my clock says:
the time for lunch with the President is over.

Related article here. And I'm sorry to hear about Feingold:

I want you to know that I've decided to continue my role as Wisconsin's Junior Senator in the U.S. Senate and not to seek the Democratic nomination for President in 2008.

It's time to crunch the numbers to find out just how much refund Halliburton owes to the US taxpayer. "Thanks for funding a single-payer health care system, Dick. Sorry about the bankruptcy."

This week on BG: I'm almost finished with a couple great books, one fiction, one non. Hope to work up some mini reviews for ya. Also knitting a bit in preparation for Madrona, but this is not a knitting blog so I'll spare you. One of the sweaters has some fabulous blue in it, though. Madrona is a knitting convention in Tacoma Washington in late January. If any BG readers would like to meet up then and there, let me know.

Friday, November 10

It IS time to teach FOX NEWS a lesson.

It's called "some people say" journalism? You guys are supposed to be so good at it?

No. HERE is how you do it.

When 57,000 websites...does it make a sound, Rupert?

You guys are da bomb.

Google blue gal. No quotes. Caps, no caps, doesn't matter. Just type it. Enter it.

Man. Just man.


Next up: "panties."

BREAKING: New Direction*** for Mehlman

He's taking Dobson's place on the Pastor Haggard counseling team. It's a promotion.

"Pastor, on your knees...assume this position...good!"

I'm gonna miss that boy. At least Jean Schmidt is still around, dammit.

***and by new direction, I mean the homonym. I said, homonym.

Not under my tree...

If you are one of those people already finished with your Christmas shopping, or one of those amazing people who don't do it, this won't apply to you.

Here are toys my daughters will get "over Santa's dead body."

This is the latest fashion doll, MyScene's Kennedy, whose expression can change "with the touch of a button." Generally she is either smirking or has a gigantic O face, and just look at the kinds of things that get her excited:

Don't doubt for a minute that these dolls are designed for the kindergarden set. And as bad as these dolls are, look at this. With the "Swappin Styles" dolls, if you don't like your doll's mood, you can transplant her head.

Not under my tree, you don't.

Thursday, November 9

Memo to Congress and SCOTUS

There is a constituency of women who are good Christians and love their babies AND have had to make incredibly painful decisions about reproduction.

Blue Gal is one of that constituency.

Infertility treatment. Blood drawn up to three times a week,which made the veins in my arms that made me look like an addict.

Surgery where they took my uterus out of my body cavity and operated on it. No shit. Condemned me to three C-sections, no complaints there, but if I HAD gone into labor it would have been possibly life-threatening and definitely fertility threatening. Doctor knew best. Get it?

Success. Weekly ultrasounds. Finding out it was twins one week.

Being told the twin was a "demise" the second week.

You boys on the court (no offense, Ruth) are tossing around the term "demise" when the pro-life lawyers for the fundies want everyone to think "baby-killing doctors."

I did not kill my baby. I probably would never have known that second embryo existed had my treatment not included ultrasounds.

I have
children. I weep for women who have to have medical procedures done that terminate very wanted pregnancies in order to save their own lives. That is what happens.

These painful decisions are between a woman and her doctor and her God. Congress shall make no law...period.

Memo to the new Congress: Welcome. There are less Republicans now, and a woman in charge. I hope that makes a difference.

Loving mothers of wanted children: some of us lost our children in war, some of us lost our children before birth. Some of us are blessed with children, some bless children without having any of our own. We are ALL watching you. Just. Don't. Fuck. With. Us.

Wednesday, November 8

The Senate. We got the Senate.

My mother (a good Democrat, mind) asked me why the Republicans failed so hard so fast.

My answer was very simple:

"God. Is. Just."

So she said, "Huh. That's just what your grandmother would have said."

(Insert distance comment about apples and trees here.)

Ex-squeeze me, I have a panties question. What?

Seriously, this particular pair of panties has gotten me the most hits per day than any other image I've ever posted, for the past two weeks. These panties are so old I can't access them in my flikr account anymore. What gives?

Song for today.

North Sea Bubble by Billy Bragg

He needs to re-record this as "Mideast Bubble." Dedicated to Rummy.

It's just so catchy, timely (fifteen years old, people), and Billy? One of the best guitarists ever. Here's the lyrics:

I went out drinking with Thomas Paine
He said that all revolutions are not the same
They are as different as the cultures
That give them birth
For no one idea
Can solve every problem on Earth

So don't expect it all to happen
In some prophesied political fashion
For people are different
And so are nations
You can borrow ideas
But you can't borrow situations

In Leningrad the people say
Perestroika can be explained this way
The people who told us
That two and two is ten
Are now trying to tell us
That two and two is five

We're living in a North Sea Bubble
We're trying to spend our way out of trouble

You keep buying these things but you don't need them
But as long as you're comfortable it feels like freedom

My American friends don't know what to do
But they'll wait a long time for a Beverly Hills coup

War! What is it good for?
It's good for business...

So glad the wingnuts have learned the lessons of yesterday.

"Senator Santorum is now available for a seat on the SCOTUS should one become available." - Hugh Hewitt

"Santorum is presidential material for ’08." - The American Thinker.

Both courtesy of Blogenfreude's Wingnut Roundup.

No more blogging today. I've gotta go do a little theraputic coloring.

It's a win-win. Or a win win win win win.

So let me get this straight.

Either Webb wins,

or the Republican Party "celebrates" the return of Senator Macaca? Who might have said the N-word as a term of endearment (not) in college? On a regular basis?

And Santorum might run for a spot on the 2008 ticket?

Where are those happy panties?

UPDATE: 12:14 central time. No. More. Rummy.

Just as I was wondering if today could get any better, looks like in the next 24 my hitcounter will top 100,000. Thank you so much, you guys.


Counting the write-ins today.

Oh the post-election greeting cards are hilarious.

Last night Blue Gal took her family to the lil' gathering for Loretta Nall. Loretta says she had a huge number of emails from Alabamians saying they were voting for her, and that a couple supporters had seen people in polling places asking how to spell her name for the write-in.

For new readers to this blog Loretta Nall was the Libertarian candidate for Governor and the choice of protest voters and progressives here in Alabama.

One pol told her she would get 20% but I agree with Loretta that that number is BS. If she breaks 10% (write-in votes get counted today) that would be an astonishing accomplishment.

Think the tide is not turning? We'll see. If an atheist pot smoker gets 10 percent of the vote in Alabama...on a write-in campaign...

...then it's a sure sign "Democrat" Lucy Baxley's "close your eyes and pretend I'm a Republican" campaign did not work.

I love the Birmingham News's Department of Understatement: "Baxley lacked money and votes." Yeah, that lack of votes will getcha every time in politics, darn it.

Tuesday, November 7

The big winners for the GOP tonight?

Presenting...the new face of the Republican Party.

It's too early to call either Schmidt or Allen the winner at this point, but they're both ahead as of this writing and I'm going to bed. If they win, these are the people who are going to get congratulatory phone calls from the President.


A sincere congratulations to Strickland, Casey, Pelosi, and all of us. Stay humble people. It was only four years after Carter was elected, when we Dems were going to reform and save America from the legacy of Watergate, that the Reagan Revolution began. Americans have no sense of history, and the memory hole is huge. They just wanted the crooks out. All the corruption was interferring with their enjoyment of home re-decorating shows. Now America can resume caring about stupid stuff again, like the sanctity of Britney Spears's marriage.

Enjoy the glow, then move on.

Election Day is more important
than my two-year blogiversary.

I forgot. November 4 was my two-year blogiversary. But it was election day 2004, so today works, too. And I already got my present. The hit counter will top 100,000 this week, and more than 200 other blogs link here. Thank you. I have the best readers in the blogosphere.

And I got a lovely surprise gift, too. Mike of the Crooks and Liars Blog Round-up did an interview with Brainshrub's own Paul -V- and both of these kind men had nice things to say about this here blog. Thank you, gentlemen.

You can listen to it at the link or click below.

powered by ODEO

More important than what Mike had to say about Blue Gal is what he says about blogging itself: you don't choose blogging, it chooses you. And a diamond is just a piece of coal that stuck with it. I hope bloggers who listen to this get inspired to let blogging choose them, and stick with it.

They've got a nice pic of Mike at the Odeo site, but this one is my favorite. That look could get you into, and more importantly, out of, a lot of trouble with women, and probably has, Mike honey. Oh. And he's a musician. Who has played with hmm, everybody. Don't get me started.

Finally, I did a google search on "blogiversary" to see if there are any other political bloggers to congratulate and man, did a lot of people start personal/knitting/diary blogs one year ago. I happen to know that
Falafel Sex started at the same time I did. Congratulations Abby and Company, and the rest of you go visit. After you vote. And if it's your blogiversary soon or recently, let us know in comments. Thanks.

Monday, November 6

Tomorrow is take a Republican to the Laundromat day.

Aw, heck. Take the whole party.

We had a really good example of GOP crapola in a judicial race here in Birmingham this weekend. Let's take this slow but sure, and remember, I did not make this up. We elect judges in Alabama, which basically means the judge who can shout "the Ten Commandments" the loudest, (that is, the words "the Ten Commandments," not the actual commandments) gets elected. Don't get me started.

Republican candidate Mark Gaines, (who by the way by some odd twist is not an elected judge, he's an appointed hack, go figure) on a campaign mail flyer, cut and pasted old white lady's weepy face into an ad.

The ad implies that Dem. opponent, Alan King, had personally kicked her out of her home when he ruled with the City of Homewood AL that her property be condemned. Problem is:

1. Building was owned by a woman named Sue Fong Loo.

There's an acronym in Alabama for women named "Sue Fong Loo." PNW. "Probably Not White." Certainly not by Alabama's rigorous standards for white-i-tude.

2. According to the City of Homewood records, building had been "vacant" for five years.

A tip for GOP'ers from Alabama. "Vacant" is not just the kind of stare you give when you find out your pastor is a homo. In this instance, it means nobody lives there. The fact that the property was vacant and was about to be "condemned" (the word is not just for Satan anymore!) apparently had somewhat to do with Judge King's ruling in the case.

3. Son of owner had negotiated to sell property to developers with the understanding that building would be demolished. City finally bought the building with that understanding.

Right. The building was owned by the City of Homewood at the time of demolition. They did not rent it to a little old white lady before they tore it down just to make her cry.

The mailing was supposed to arrive in people's mailboxes Monday, too late for a rebuttal. Due to a "mailing error" the flyer arrived Friday, and apparently were also mistakenly placed in the mailboxes of some members of the Homewood City Council, where this building is, and who were the defendants in the particular building case. The Democrats on the council went apeshit. I've lived in the Birmingham area for ten years, and I can tell you, Friday afternoon news conferences with the Homewood City Council are the exception.

The money quote from the local news coverage of this: Gaines' campaign consultant, a disciple of Carl if ever there was one, said, "...the claims are based on a court they're accurate."

Except for the RACE of the lady pictured in the ad. And the fact that she doesn't exist. And the building wasn't occupied. And the other stuff. Please send this guy to look for WMD's in Baghdad. If anybody can find non-existent SHIT...

Have a great time voting tomorrow, folks. And if you have any problems, take pictures so we can all see, got it?

UPDATE NOV 8: The good guys won.

Don't Sugarcoat It Award for November 6

Even though she totally doesn't need the hits, I'm giving The Don't Sugarcoat It Award for today to Shakespeare's Sister, for this lovely comment regarding the Neo-Con's flip-flop on Iraq:

I’ve got only two words for the neocon brigade: FUCK YOU.

Now go die slow professional deaths in obscurity at discredited conservative think tanks, where no one with any sense will ever listen to a word you utter ever again.

I'm hesitant to give a runner-up award to a right-wing Malkin-linker, but this comment from a right-wing blogger (who shall be nameless and linkless all the same) cracked me up:

Rot in hell Saddam. May all your 72 virgins be a bevy of Barbra Streisands perpetually singing "People" to you.

Could the 72 Barbaras be singing "People" on Oprah and put Saddam between them on the couch while they fight over who loves Donna Karan more? Dante eat your heart out.

Shout out to Tinfoil Hat Boy at Corrente: in honor of election eve I've got the pulled pork in the crockpot.

Sunday, November 5

It didn't need a photoshop.

Pastor Ted making it hard? Somebody call Rush!

I'll say it again. The crime is called "hypocrisy." Nice how Pastor Haggard's books are getting a fresh look from online reviewers over at Amazon, too:

No Sir, I will not let you go to hell! But get us a bag of meth and a bottle of lube, and I'll take us both to heaven!

By now you all know that one fellow megachurch pastor has come out and said Haggard's wife may be responsible for why he strayed. I dunno, she kinda looks like the safe white Doris Day type to me. Don't let online porn sites fool you: you can never tell from a picture if she likes getting "Song of Solomon" in the back door or not.

Not to sound too cynical, but I've got five bucks that says Gayle Haggard gets a book deal and a seat on Oprah's couch before next Christmas.

Saturday, November 4

I voted this weekend...

Not for real. I am waiting for Tuesday tho' Mr. BG did vote absentee. I went over to WaPo this morning and played a little Midterm Madness. You could spend all day switching red seats to blue over there, but I just stayed long enough to "vote for" Ned Lamont, Bob Casey Jr, and Tammy Duckworth. Oh, and the rumors are true: voting against Jean Schmidt is better than sex. With Jean Schmidt. I'm sure.

Friday, November 3

So who IS his Daddy?

Why do I think the current President doesn't own a pair?

It took me looking it up to figure out the whole Bush 41/Bush 43 thing. 41st President, 43rd President. I get it. Here's what I don't get: Why is GWB so angry at his dad, that he would totally replace his Dad with Cheney/Rumsfeld?

41 was Director of the CIA under Gerald Ford (an administration notable for the fact that no one remembers anything about it except tripping over stuff, Squeaky Fromme and WIN buttons). Bush 41's intelligence experience was flushed down the memory hole toilet as a cover-up for any presumed knowledge he might have about Iran/Contra. He's also BFF with the Saudi Royal Family, so, I mean, Dad might have a little Middle East/US intelligence in his pocket. Ya think?

As the prospects of war continued to grow throughout 2002, family members could see the former president's anguish. When his sister Nancy Ellis asked him about the war, he responded: 'But do they have an exit strategy?'

THE BUSHES: Portrait of a Dynasty By Peter and Rochelle Schweizer

Guess 43 wasn't listening to 41 at that point. But hey. In the clearest moment of lucidity of the entire current administration, Bush 43 said in 2002 that the reason we went to war with Iraq is "they're a sworn enemy and he tried to kill my Daddy." But is it possible that the colossal pileup of failures of the past seven years could accomplish what Saddam could not? If I were a Freudian, I'd say this whole current administration was an attempt to castrate Bush 41. Just saying.

They just christened an aircraft carrier named after Senior, and here's what W. hadda say:

Bush described the Nimitz-class USS George H.W. Bush supercarrier as "unrelenting," "unshakable," "unyielding" and "unstoppable," he said it "probably should have been named the Barbara Bush."

Don't get me started about Barbara. Forget about Freud. Remember Oedipus.

Thursday, November 2

Are some topics inappropriate for blogging?

Well, not if you have The Aristocrats.

See, I blog here every day. But when I find something that is off-color, might offend, or is just over the top, I post it over there. My fellow Aristocrats, three wonderful guys named Paul, Mark, and Sandy Underpants (the shy 'Ristie) tolerate my over-the-topness with sense of mild bemusement, and unlike many women who are on the internet with three guys at once, I've never been subjected to that "gagging's good, baby" mumbo-jumbo. 'Nuff said.

So yesterday I took a chance and posted about tampons. Not just regular tampons, but Christmas Angel Ornaments made out of tampons.

Now you've got to admit that is adorable.>>>>>>

For your information, tampons can be purchased in a box of 40, which is just enough angels for a six-foot tree with lights.

Oh. You can read the tampon post here. I was a little worried that the boys might get mad at me for taking over and making Aristocrats into a Christmas Craft blog but to their amazing credit Mark and Sandy didn't even blink. (Paul is recovering from surgery and I didn't want to call him about the tampon thing. Also, he might celebrate Kwanza, and Toni Morrison's book of tampon crafts isn't out yet.)

Sandy said:

I stayed up late last night and created a parallel universe entirely from tampons. it's just like this universe except tampon John Kerry is an ice cream truck driver.

And Mark said:

I went to a Christmas party once where the tree was decorated with tampons AND reefers. Sure you had to be careful about what you smoked, but there was also the possibility that you could have the best period ever.

Speaking of best periods ever, emailing back and forth about my wonderful co-bloggers with another one, Captain Dyke, I was pleased to see that a number of menstrual product-placement experts have given Gmail Adsense a try. And given that hey, I clicked on all the ads in preparation for this post, they'll probably put up lots more period-cork and douchebag ads in the future, so I'd be careful about emailing anyone about Prince Charles or Rahm Emanuel, if I were you.

Did you know that Playtex has just come out with a "Sport Tampon"? So that while you are having your period, you can still do this:

I dunno if I can wait an entire twenty-eight days to try that, because I can't do that on my okay days, if you know what I mean.

But Playtex Sport Tampons are not for me because I object on ecology grounds to a plastic applicator. (Okay girls, I realize it's just you and me for the rest of this post; frankly, I think we lost most of the men back at the 40-to-a-box statement. Moving on.) For the real ecology minded set, there are cotton pads that are washable, and this site is so supportive that they not only sell them, they give you a pattern so you can sew your own. So we come full circle to the craft blog thing again. I love the care instructions:

Machine dry or hang to dry. Iron if you want.

My Neighborhood Association by-laws forbid line drying of clothing, though they don't mention menstrual pads specifically. And yeah, to relax, I'm going to iron my menstrual pads in my spare time.

Wednesday, November 1

Okay, there are some times
when duct tape comes in handy...

But I think here was a missed opportunity. Instead of calling it a botched joke, Kerry could have made this about the economy, stupid. Especially when the Wall Freep Journal has a page one article this morning headed "Bush Gains Ground on Economy, But Iraq Still Tops Voters' Agenda". Huh?

Oh yeah. "Mr." Bush is "buoyed by a rising stock market and falling gasoline prices."

Huh? Exxon Mobil took the money and ran, right on GOP schedule.

Kerry could have said,

Yeah, "Mr." President, I meant what I said. Undereducated, unskilled young people in this country have zero opportunities for job training, learning a trade. No Child Left Behind is a joke. In an effort to turn everyone into a scholar, you have forced school systems around the country to scrap alternative diplomas and VoTech programs, and therefore you have left those who are not scholars with few employment alternatives but to join the military. And you are also spending our children's future on this stupid war, which is based on your WMD lies. You have also left the "Homeland" at risk by stripping National Guard troops from the states to supply this war with soldiers. As one reservist put it, "one weekend a month my ass."

Don't tell me I should go to work for those people. It's too late for John Kerry to start telling the truth with passion. He should take his wife's money, start his own damn global initiative, and do good for the rest of his life. He ain't making no difference here, 'cept to give Tony Snow an undeserved distractor.