I don't remember signing up for this mailing list.

From an email from PleasureMeNow.com [It's safe for work if your job is testing vibrators, or, if you don't mind being, you know, fired.]

Actual Laws Banning Sexual Activity in America

1. Oral sex is illegal in 18 states, including Arizona.

2. In Virginia, it is illegal to have sex with the lights on.

3. It is illegal for husbands in Willowdale, OR to talk dirty during intercourse.

4. Sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal in Georgia.

5. Engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal in Washington, DC.

6. In Connersville WI, it is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner is having an orgasm.

7. In Harrisburg, PA, it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

8. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal in Florida.

9. It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

10. Sex with animals is perfectly legal for men in Washington state, as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds.

Home Decorating

Three children: priceless.
Knitting for three children: priceless.
Using baby sweaters I knit myself, but they've outgrown, as "wall art": priceless.

The fact that they've outgrown their baby sweaters
and can all go potty and dress themselves: priceless.



.

A very nice post about "fuck"

Angry Broccoli says Fuck no. 3
Originally uploaded by KillTaupe

Beware Angry Broccoli and there's quite a good review of Hollywood self-censorship (please leave comments over there) here.


Oh crap I didn't notice she doesn't have comments turned on. Wev.

Thanks for tuning in...

"Dnc Services Corporation/Democratic National Committee". I won't jeopardize your job by posting how long you stayed here. Oh. Maybe staying here IS your job. Gawd. I'm so sorry.

Here's a lil' song for you...

Good Reasons to stay home from the DNC.

[Love and kisses to the Beautiful People coming from Crooks and Liars.]

You know, apart from the whole "avoiding all contact with Rahm Emmanuel" thing.

The DNC has more food police than security guards. Catered plates must have five colors to ensure good nutritional value, plus be organic and local where possible.

Aw hell give them all a bowl of Skittles and get it over with.

And the Convention organizers are way more interested in the Convention's carbon footprint that it's corporate whore sponsorships? Geez.

And they don't even guarantee that gift bags for delegates and reporters will contain a DNC Barbie like eight years ago.



On topic, here are some NOT PHOTOSHOPPED pictures of the gift bag being handed out to those folks:





And yeah other commenters have already said it should have "Thanks for the FISA vote" on it and how is the Coke logo going to fit inside the Pepsi Center?

I know the political parties need someone to pay for their clutter and better Microsoft than the US taxpayer, but it makes me wonder silly questions about how all this money doesn't count under campaign spending guidelines.

I'm already boycotting the Nuclear Energy Institute for sponsoring Bush's second inaugural. (More to the actual point I'm boycotting Home Depot for the same reason. Dante's eighth circle of Hell for you people, And that goes for you too, T. Boone.)

It confirms what I've said about two political parties in America, "inside the Beltway" and the rest of us. And that Democrats are big corporate whores who benefit only from being the lesser of two evils. Makes me sad.

h/t John Harrison for the Skittles, etc.

I don't do memes. But in this case...

...Urantian Sojourn went ahead and posted some Teletubbie porn so I just hadda respond.

What you're supposed to do is:

1. List these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Nope. I STILL don't do the tag thing, because I feel everyone's blog is their own space, and I'm not going to move into your space and tell you you need to rearrange your furniture to enable a conversation center with exactly twenty-two throw pillows for proper feng shui. But hey, I don't mind a bit if you want to post seven essential things about yourself and link this post as your inspiration. Go right ahead.

Okay here goes:



1. I beat myself up a lot.

It's true, you're not the only one. Even Blue Gal thinks she's not a good enough writer, mother, weight-manager, housekeeper, financial planner, sex goddess, daughter, or correspondent. I haven't quite given up believing that Oprah Magazine will fix alla dat, either, but I'm close.

---

2. I look like Nigella Lawson. Kind of like, a lot like her.

When I'm beating myself up I think Nigella Lawson is fat. Otherwise she's hot and so am I, in a plump "I love life and I love to eat and you can guess what else I love to do, luvaboy" kinda way.

---

3. You are not boring me when you talk about Science Fiction. Here's proof.

---

4. Like the late J. Edgar Hoover before me, I prefer the "company" of men. Unlike J. Edgar, I'm straight.

I hope that dispels any rumors that I am secretly a guy.

---

5. I was born old.

---

6. I'm a late bloomer, in just about every instance. I think that has a lot to do with being born old, though. I never felt the need to drive a car or drink or do anything else (yeah, that too) to prove I was "mature."

---

7. I believe I have a guardian angel. I also believe that she looks just like Amy Winehouse on her best day, and that my angel has no patience whatsoever for the "beating myself up" part of my personality. She is always telling me to shut the fuck up when I engage in negative self-talk.














I don't tag. But if you want to do this and give me a link, hey, feel free. Leave a link to your post in comments, too, so we can check you out. Thanks.

Fear of a black planet hot president.

Qwerty puts his spin on Angela Merkel's hot flash over Obama and points out that thinking of the next President as "hot" is, well, kinda icky.



Oh you think that's icky? Hey, it's Sunday afternoon and he's back from a long trip. What are the odds he and Michelle are moisting the kitchen carpet right this minute?

Sorry.

But it beats the current sitch, you gotta admit:

Saturday Song

TO: Barack Obama

FROM: At least one left-wing voter with justa little bitta hope left

RE: An 80's gem for ya:



You turn me on, you lift me up
Like the sweetest cup I'll share with you
You lift me up, don't you ever stop, I'll be here with you
Now it's all or nothing
'Cause you say you'll follow through...
You follow me, and I, I, I follow you

What you gonna do when things go wrong?
What you gonna do when it all cracks up?
What you gonna do when the love burns down?
What you gonna do when the flames go up?
Who is gonna come and turn the tide?
What's it gonna take to make a dream survive?
Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside?
Who's gonna save you?
Alive and kicking.
Stay until your love is, alive and kicking.
Stay until your love is, until your love is, alive.

It's been one year...

...since I first "went public" and did a video blog.

And while some things (well, many, many things) have changed, some things remain the same...

So do you think...

....since our partnership with Germany can look like this...



...instead of like this...



That those wacky EU liberals will stop making with teh funny like this?



I hope not.

Fox and Friends needs a little gland treatment.

Like, right above the thighs. [love and kisses to the Beautiful People coming from Crooks and Liars. Mike's a doll.]

A nice hard kick for the "anchors" and either end of this couch (and while it's four minutes of FOX, you really should watch to the end):



On topic, I've got a message for Blondie in the middle:

The problem is, KATIE COURIC IS TOO LIBERAL?!? Really, are you such a bimb that Roger Ailes has to whisper in your earpod what to say ALL the time?

And your comebacks to the blatant sexism you work with. You get no sympathy from me if all you got for those assholes is:

"I'm a woman, and I like to watch sports."

And...

"Let's move on to the hurricane."

Where the fuck is Rachel Maddow when you need her? She'd have just the right magnifying glass necessary to castrate those bastards on air, and she wouldn't break into the huffy, hairspray wilting change-the-subject bullshit you pulled. The day a co-worker tells me I need to get "my people" to watch women's basketball? I would tell him my game is soccer:



Fuck! We'll do it live!

I was going to type a heigh ho and hardy "fuck you" to the lot of them, but since Shakespeare's Sister has way more feminist cred than I do, I think I'll just steal a page outta her book, and join her in the "picture's worth a thousand words" camp:

I've been propositioned.

Some link factory wants me to do some bloggy network link listing adware thing based on this:

"It is our proposition that personalized ringtones and mobile wallpapers have become a fashion statement - much like the latest dress materials, gadgets, ladies handbags and shoes. Together, they shine people's personalities!"

Vs.

Mark your calendars for Falafel Day.

I usually don't link to the gargantuan blogs but a colleague reminded me that a year ago July 30 Eschaton celebrated Falafel Day.

That reminds me, is Falafel Sex still posting? Well, kinda.

By the way, Duncan, I went to a lot of trouble with those panties. Not that you'd notice. Story of my life.

This image is also appropriate but I didn't make it and I forget who did. If you know let me know in comments.



Update:  mystery solved, Bob Cesca made the "BillO in the Falafel Sammich" picture.  Thanks, Bob!

Happy Birthday, Qwerty.

He's been my personal f2f friend for, um, almost

twenty-seven years.

Cripey. And he's a wonderful writer about film, advertising, and popular culcha.



Happy Birthday, Qwerty.

This is not a knitting post?

Well, yes it is.

Knitting is becoming a passion again. Maybe it's because I have a room where I can blog and look to my left and see ALL my yarn. Maybe it's the bulletin boards where I have sweater ideas staring at me all the time.

I think part of it is, when I moved, I organized and packed all the projects I had semi-abandoned when child number 3 came along. Seeing and handling them again unlocked some creative doors.

What I'm knitting now is an old Classic Elite pattern called Halley's Homonym:



Yeah the lumberjack skirt/shirt layering thing she has going on doesn't do it for me, either.

The pattern is for an oversized eighties pullover and I'm re-designing it as a rather more fitted cardigan. The pattern colorway is green with purple and I'm using turquoise with black and hoping for some jet buttons for the front.

Here's a corner of my own knitting, showing where I am so far:



There's a reason geek gurls like me love knitting. It's binary. You either knit, or you purl, which is negative knitting or the knit stitch inside out. There's ways to twist stitches or create holes but it's mostly just a series of ones and zeroes. And this particular pattern has, at its center, rows that are 10101010101010 all the way across. It's a thing of beauty and very relaxing to work.

I know I'm behind the humor curve on this, but I won't be crocheting that soft linen banana cozy, even though the pattern is free. The pattern only comes in one size and the banana on the top of my fridge doesn't.

Someone once asked me what she called the "chicken & egg" question.

Are you smart and progressive because you knit? Or, do you knit because you're smart and progressive?

To which I replied:

Ah, chicken and egg. I think most knitting bloggers are smart and progressive. I think if you have those three and THEN start a blog about any of it, you've got a golden egg and the goose that laid it.

The GOP Strategy Committee goes Bollywood!

And the exciting musical finale!

Sampling reactions to Netroots Nation

Driftglass (deity) has posted an update to the "seven obscene things you can't say on television" and each one of them, in my opinion, should be stitched to a sampler and mailed to Wolf Blitzer's mother.

But the big news is that some Netroots Nationalists (ooh do I have to pull a Skippy and remind everyone forever that yes, I coined that phrase)...

...because I like it....

Are pulling back on the obscenities? Because as The New York Fucking Times quotes one (emphasis mine):

Digby Parton, who writes on Hullabaloo.com, said she initially thought of her blog as an ephemeral form of conversation among friends and used vulgarities freely. But now she is read by a substantially wider circle and has cleaned up her language.

“I don’t use the same amount of profanity,” she said. “We’re taken much more seriously as a political force,” and she has a stronger sense that her words are “out there for posterity.”

Now I bow to the great writing of Digby as much as any of us do, she's a godmother to so many and far be it from a nobody like myself to...

Posterity? Fuck that, Digby.

What is posterity? The dry spot you wiggle toward after sleeping with the enemy? Sheeit.

I don't care if you blog the word "fuck" or not. Those kind of choices are made by writers all the time, and the right choice is what works for what you're writing.

But I do care, very much, where the blogs go and what they represent. There are two political parties in this country, folks: "inside the Beltway" and "outside the Beltway."

I am a proud outside the beltway rabblerouser.

Chris Mathews? Wolf Blitzer? Markos? To which party do they belong these days?

Make your fucking choice and if your motivation is how you so want to be "taken seriously as a political force" by Party Number One?

Count.
Me.
Out.

Because I know what "taken seriously as a political force" means.

It means certain bloggers of a certain Technorati profile were part of a four minute daily conference call with Terry fucking McCauliffe two months ago.

I am not trying to be superior here, it's just not where you will ever find me. Not because I'd have to clean up my act (I mean, Terry's DTs wouldn't allow him to remember me fucking him let alone saying "fuck" on the phone), but because I refuse to become part of the power structure that continues to fuck this country.

And when we all wake up to a Democratic Congress and a Democratic White House and it turns out that all of them have decided that four or five more years in Iraq is the least we can do, and that it would be "counterproductive" to prosecute the Bush Administration war criminals who, let's face it, suffered enough on Election Day 2008, poor things, onward and upward, "Move On" indeed...

...because while right now it's our turn to "govern" it will someday be our turn to go back to the fermentation of our safe, lucrative, respectable DC think tank. If our friends from across the aisle need help with packing or cab fare we're only too happy to reciprocate. The door will revolve again, friends, bon voyage...

I don't want to be the one who has to analyze all o' dat without the word "fuck" by my side. For posterity.

P.S. Okay I just hadda make another sampler:

Saturday Song

I'm not saying I'm raising my children in any superior way, I'm just saying "I've got my e-mouth on"...

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

A vituperative, foul-mouthed, President of the United States

"I never gave anybody hell. I just told the truth and they think it's hell."

And on General MacArthur's speech to Congress:

"Nothing but a damn bunch of bullshit!"

My favorite unsourced Harry Truman quote:

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day."

Blue Gal: Tastemonger?

Oh here's a comment to bring to the top:

Oh, ha ha ha. Very satirical. Hello Kitty cute, Cute bad. ...If you're that rabid about it, why not find out where these people live and kill them? After all, if we on the left aren't bitching and complaining about other people's tastes etc., then we're not breathing. Calvin, hip. Hello Kitty, bad. DarkBlack satirical, New Yorker bad. Who gives a flying fuck what you and the rest of the tastemongers think?

TASTEMONGER? WHO, ME?

Thank you, commenter, for proving there are those with greater and more complex anger issues than mine. And I regret my insufficient explanations regarding the Hello Kitty Death Watch.

Hello Kitty Death Watch is reserved specifically for those times in which I engage in airline travel. I find it fascinating that almost every time I fly, I encounter a grown woman wearing or using a Hello, Kitty! item as if it might be a talisman against terrorist attack.

Hello Kitty Death Watch is specifically directed at adult Caucasian women using a Hello Kitty garment, tote, jewelry item, or electronic device, such as cell phone or CD player, while travelling in an airport. Small children wearing a Hello Kitty backpack do not count. My own daughters have worn Hello, Kitty undiepanties, and since they were under the age of five at the time, I found that entirely appropriate. I do not find a grown woman managing her finances with this tool


which, yes, is not a photoshop, to be exempt from my, as you put it, tastemongering. America would be a far better place, in my tastemongering opinion, if those adults choosing to infantilize their financial transactions would grow the frak up. Ben Bernanke take note.

No, I am not about to "kill" anyone with those in their checkbook. And it's true, I really am not passing judgment between either of the young females below:

because in my estimation, both of these young ladies will eventually learn to wear more grown-up attire:

Thank you.

Thanks to BW for the image. It's been a tough year but today is a wonderful day. Thanks for all your kind words and messages, folks!

And just in time the New York Fraking Times wrote up the town where I'll be for the next week or so (minus reliable internet, be warned.) I'm under strict instructions to, quote:

"let yourself off the hook more than you usually do."

So I'll be doin' that.

Update: Sherry asks, was there cake?


Not shown: three frosting roses of which Mommy got none. :)

Vlog 7/15, Wev and the power of "Away From"

Just less than four minutes. See that really cute green suitcase sitting behind me? Southwest lost it. (I'm sure it will get delivered later but ugh.)

And here's the gender breakdown of people watching my video blogs:



Which proves the point I've been making for weeks now:



Fortunately, the women who read Blue Gal are all immensely cool. :)

Shameless thievery

Image stolen from (I added the text to their photoshop)the right wing blog (wow, it's been a while since I've seen MALKIN blogrolled, but I keep thinking, it would be kinda cool to change the entire Crooks homepage to "all Malkin, all the time" for April Fool's Day) "Are We Lumberjacks?".

Hello Kitty Airline Travel Death Watch tomorrow. I'll ring you if I catch any adult woman wearing a Hello Kitty item, while I fly across the country to get my kids.

Where to go on the blogs today.

Love on ya for visiting Blue Gal, but I can't post today because my abs are recovering from the laughter of reading the entire frontpage of Fafblog. I swear to God, I'm pulling out kleenex, I'm laughing so hard. A wonderful way to spend a Sunday.

Saturday Song

In spite of all the disappointments this week, I hope to play this loud for the Republican Party plus Joe Lieberman on Inauguration Day. BTW this song is even better when you hear it live with a buncha blog buddies. (Great to meetcha Mike honey)

Thank you, Darkblack.

What am I supposed to say when one of my favorite artists does THIS:



You're amazing, Darkblack.

BTW the original Picasso is here if you're interested.

Jealousy.

I wish some MSM person would bring up that Jesse Jackson is just jealous because all of Barack Obama's children are legitimate.

Okay, maybe that's tasteless. Lemme try again:

Illegitimacy, stemming from the huge gap in black male employment and wages, (black men don't get married because they can't get decent jobs, and black women don't expect marriage as a condition or consequence of pregnancy as a result) is a huge issue in and for the black community and actually, it's the real issue underlying the class and generational differences that spawned Rev. Jackson's unfortunate comments about Senator Obama.

Is that better?

On Creativity.

[shown: Jackson Pollack, Eyes in the Heat, 1946] Go read Vagabond Scholar. It's a rare thing when I find myself dropping every thought in my head, putting my elbow on the desk, and just reading a long post for the sheer pleasure of it.

This is such a post.

Thanks, Batocchio.

I was searching my archives and in March 2005 I posted once. The entire month. Good lord.

That's it, Mister Obama. No more fifteen dollar PayPal donations for you!

Sigh. The biggest mistake is not just the vote, but thinking that he's already fighting a general election. The ONLY people paying attention to politics are the activists, political junkies, and well, you know, bloggers. Your base, Senator. And they actually might have forgiven a so-called "compromise" vote in October, if the polls in Ohio and Pennsylvania were close and McCain actually showed up to vote. But it's July. And he didn't.

And you've pissed. us. off.

Those of you who think Obama personally wiped his feet on the Constitution are overstating the case. I mean, he had a lot of help. And the Bill of Rights is locked up at Gitmo, in case you didn't notice.

Oh well, ma hunnies on the blogs, try to carry something happy with you today.

Lest we forget...

The post this morning was going to be about the whole James Baker/Warren Christopher war powers thing and how isn't it interesting that the grown-ups (and by grown-ups of course we mean people with Bush 41 foreign policy cred -- Daddy's people are here, you sit in the back seat, Georgie, now that you've wrecked the car for the seventh. fraking. year. in a row) are taking over the GOP foreign policy stage before it's lost for at least four years.

And by grown-ups I mean mature grown-ups. You won't see Warren Christopher pulling any baby-bottom bullshit "how dare they hate America" fake outrage if his facts are challenged. That's because Warren Christopher's facts are actual facts, rather than lies. Take note, Mr. Cheney.

There's a whole post to be written, too, about "no-drama Obama" and that the history of this election, fifty to a hundred years from now, will not be about the nation moving to younger leadership but to more mature leadership.

Maturity means, for example, that when I hear a child cry in the next room, I have the wisdom and experience to know whether that cry means I need to get up from my laptop, or not. I can tell almost instantaneously if I need to reach for the band-aids, if I need to referee, or reach into advanced motherhood skills to use wisdom and restraint to let the combatants resolve the conflict for themselves. Would that certain politicos, from the Congress to the media, had the same cognitive dexterity vis-a-vis Iran.

But searching for just the right image for this post yielded this nugget. I'd forgotten. I'll bet you had, too:


Yeah, I think that's a nice picture of Bill and Hill, too. But the Christmas Eve 1992 pardons of Bush 41 went down even my memory hole, and gee, I thought I had alla those plugged up with pages of old CPUSA newsletters.

Look what Bush 41 accomplished without even a War on Terror (tm) to back him up. Impressive, even for a former CIA chief.

Betcha Bush 43 has his Christmas list all finished by now.

The Don't Sugarcoat It Award for July 9

I don't often follow celebrity news. So trust me, the fact that I've actually heard about Christie Brinkley's divorce, in detail. is a sign that it's an extraordinarily noisy affair. "Don't Sugarcoat It's" are usually reserved for foul-mouthed bloggers, but I really gotta hand it to the court-appointed mental health professional in this case, who essentially said:

"you're both self-absorbed crazyheads putting the needs of your pathetic egos ahead of your children's welfare, in public."

Thank you for keeping it sweet, court-shrink.

This is why I blog every. single. day.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ira Glass. via 43 Folders:

But the Republican lady promised me marshmallows! Here's proof:

From yesterday. The host is David Schuster, the guy guest is some former Edwards staffer, and she...is classsic.

Blue Gal Vlog 7/7 - Food, muckraking, and dangers of progressivism

Bob Edwards has a great radio show with a free podcast. Well worth the listen.

And you can read about Upton Sinclair here.

Happy Monday. Remember, Salon is on vacation this month.

My stepdaughter has a blog!

She's posting as "Brunella", and her first post on elitist education shows great promise.

It don't hurt that she's got a journalism degree from farking Columbia U. She's now at Cambridge (some school in England, I dunno) getting some advanced something or other in Medieval Literature or something.

Elitism? ha. She'll be posting "Britain's Got Talent" Youtubes within a week.

[Seriously, welcome to the party, sweets.]

A blurry love sandwich!

Conditions for photography in the "Green Room" after the FABULOUS Joe Cocker concert were a little less than optimal. Sigh.

The weather in Chicago was perfect and so was the concert. Joe opened for Steve Miller Band but who cares. We were there for the opening act and a little post-concert meet up.

Shown is Shakespeare's Sister, Mike of the Crooks and Liars Blog Round Up (plays Hammond Organ for Joe's band...yeah!) and yours truly. (Not shown are Mr. Shakes and Driftglass. The ladies got to surround the rock star, excuse me.)

Thanks Mike for inviting us backstage and it was WONDERFUL to meet you and hang out with some dear blog buddies.

Saturday Song

"Missing enough to feel alright." Have a good one, ma hunnies.

Happy Independence Day

Here's the deal. I don't know how these work, and I don't want to know.

Erm, hat tip to Geek Guy for the link to...yeah, where you can order some.

I'm off to Chicago to catch a lil' concert and meet Mike! Yes, that Mike. I'll try to get some pics.

"Arianna, you ignorant slut."

Okay, I don't mean to be nasty to the closest thing our generation will ever get to Eleanor Roosevelt if you don't count Oprah (just shoot me now) but The Huff's column today with advice for Senator Obama? Remind me never to read anything Arianna writes where her first word is "I", her first sentence contains the word "Aspen", or her first paragraph drops the names of six other fascinating mainstream pundits with whom she shared a panel. With this article, folks, we got a three-fer.

And her advice to Senator Obama, if generalized, tells him to stay true to the progressive netroots that has funded him thus far. Not bad advice, but when her specifics include "1) Load up your Kindle with passages from...Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King", and "2) load up your iPod with passages from your own speeches"...

Sprinkling your prose with the names of the hottest tech gadgets while advocating The Great Leap Forward is undoubtedly what passes for lively writing in certain parts of northern California, Ms. Huffington, but I think we Leftists can fight viciously on FISA and healthcare and NAFTA without going quite so latte. Hell, if Martin Luther King were alive today, he might have to chuck the non-violence and smack you until you stopped wondering "what's on his I-Phone."

Happy Birthday to the "way too many to be a coincidence" born-in-July bloggers.

Today is the sixth birthday of my lovely, lovely middle child. So pretty and so smart and such an artist and such a blessing. I love you, sweetheart.

July 16th is the birthday of both Blue Gal and her sainted mother. And for some astrological reason, (are Cancers especially creative or is it our strong parenting instinct which keeps us feeding these babies?) lots and lots of bloggers celebrate birthdays this month.


My evil twin, AL of Threading Water.

Big Daddy Malcontent

Hahn at Home of Blue Ribbon Bloggers

Pam of Pam's House Blend

Chet of The Vanity Press

Happy Monkey (Panties for Peace) mais bien sur...

Quaker Dave

Alicia Morgan of Last Left Turn before Hooterville

RevPhat of Unruly Mob/Les Enrages.

Qwerty of Qwerty's Qoncepts.

Paul -V- of Brainshrub.

Uncommon Sense of the blog by the same name.

If you know of any other blogger July birthdays, let us know in comments. And happy birthday.