Thursday, August 10

Blue Gal/Bill Maher Contest

His people contacted my people....

SO I've got two autographed books and three autographed posters to give away from Bill Maher's publicist. Tickets to his show? Um, I guess they don't love Blue Gal that much.

The contest is: Write a new rule for some public figure. It can be for Katherine Harris, George Bush, or even Bill Maher himself. Example:

New Rule: Bill Maher should stop being such a shill for Israel. Sure, mature adults can disagree about Middle East politics, but c'mon Bill, if you were a mature adult, you'd settle down, marry a nice Jewish girl, and have your babies Hannah, Caleb, and Zared on the show, instead of hanging out with shiksa arm candy and insulting us breeders. You ain't getting any younger, but there's still plenty of time, look at Larry King. And anyway, isn't Viagra a Real Time sponsor? Just saying.

Don't mean to be biting the hand, but hey, Bill is a big boy, and methinks The Timid Observer would get a chuckle out of that one.

Post your new rule in comments, or email to, subject line Contest. Deadline is Thursday, August 24 Midnight PST. Blue Gal will be the judge, and you'll have to send her your snail mail if you win. Be sure to enter an email address with your entry. She'll forward your snail mail to the publicist (shout out to Entry Level Sara, she's a keeper) for sending out the prizes. All rights reserved and you can't sue me for anything whatsoever.

The top two win an autographed copy of New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer, autographed by Bill Maher. The next three, assuming there are that many entries, win a poster like the above autographed by Bill Maher. If you don't win, you can always go buy a Blue Gal Bumper Sticker to make yourself happy.

No hard feelings, Bill. And even though your publicist didn't ask me to say it, Bill Maher returns Friday, August 25 at 11 pm on HBO. I won't be watching, 'cause I don't have cable or even TV in my house. It's crap! I mean, Jesu Christi! How many times do we have to watch a fuckin' house get redecorated? But Bill, I'll watch whatever Crooks or One Good Move puts up, promise.

UPDATE: Got on the phone with Captain Dyke tonight and she had the idea of a photoshop contest with the above poster:

"Pin the Panties on Bill Maher."

Oh man, we are gonna make the Chevy Tahoe people feel they got off easy. It's not eligible for prizes, but if you send me photoshops I'm gonna post every goddamn one of 'em.

Crossposting at Kos, Bill!


  1. Lin and Trish8:26 AM

    New Rule: George Bush must chew with his mouth closed. And he must keep his hands off German chancellors. After all, Bill Clinton was impeached over a blow job between 2 consenting adults. Shouldn't George should be impeached for attacking from behind?

  2. New Rule: Republicans who complain about welfare must be forbidden from using it themmselves. No school for their kids. No roads to get to work. No FDIC protection for thier bank accounts.

    Oh, and no oil subsidy either. That would mean about $15 a gallon for gas when you consider the tax breaks for oil corportaions and maintaining a bloated military to protect the "cheap" oil.

  3. Ah...sent you one via that email above.

    But do wish to KNOW if ya care if they are posted publically.


  4. ...and might work on a Photo-shoppie (as I DO have FUN with those.)

    We will see. ;-D

  5. Since Blue Gal has given me a Green-light to post the New Rules on my page's my offering!


    New Rule: It’s time for college campuses to stop pretending they are preparing their acolytes for *independence* and just Give In to the current vogue of Helicopter Parenting NOW.

    They should begin to build on campus Dorm Room for Parents – so Mom & Dad (and their Good Advice and Warm Fuzzy-Hugs) will never be more than a few steps AWAY.

    It used to be *let your fingers do the walking* and staying in touch in the kids lives via phone calls…but with cell phones so ubiquitous and yet no let up in the number and willingness of parents to keep on *Helping Out* - it's no wonder that experts say this generation of incoming college freshmen aren’t making the transition to independence as quickly as other have.

    So, some schools are offering detailed “student orientation programs” to urge students “get involved”, “study hard”, “budget their time”, “stay healthy”, and avoid unfettered credit card use” and “stay away from late night pizza”– but WHY pay for what Parents are willing to do for FREE?

    And if you offer Build-it-and-they-will-come dorm rooms for adults…Mom will always be there to make sure the little darlins Rise and Shine to get to those early 10 am classes. And mom can continue to manage their laundry and monitor their eating habit….just like at HOME. And Dad can be close at hand to stand in line to select their college class schedule and then pay all those tuition increases - with no delays - plus heft those 50 lbs of college text books around for their students. (No Back-Pack Back-ache issues for future Chiropractic visits!)

    And just think of all the increased revenues colleges can generate from these Parental Dorm Room fees! And while Parents can whine about the increased costs…the monetary gain from subletting your home to tenants for the school year (perhaps some College Juniors or Seniors would LOVE to live off campus in your posh digs) should offset any additional expenses.

    It’s a Win-Win situation.

    Plus, Since you can expect your empty-nesters living back home with you after their post-graduation-failure-to get-a-skilled-job (all of those will have been outsourced over seas to Bangalore, India) …You’re right on TOP of the situation and never lost a moment of involvement in their lives.

  6. hey i've got a couple for you baby:

    new rule #1 - all of congress should be forced to live on the median income for their district/state for a period of 1 year. then they can tell us how it feels to be the "mythical 'little guy.'"

    new rule #2 - oreilly, hannity, boortz, coulter, etc have to make a donation of 1% of their net worth to the EPA, Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity or a similar progressive charitable organization every time they use one of the following phrases: far-left, lefty, liberal, traitor, treason, abortion-on-demand, smear-merchant, moonbat, wingnut, meltdown, shrill, ilk, communist, commie, socailist, nazi, cut and run, hurting the troops, hate america, helping the enemy, [anyone want to add to the list???]

  7. oh and any time they even BRING UP the following liberal political figures with the same old talking-points character-bashing: george soros, micheal moore, al gore, bill clinton, hillary clinton, cindy sheehan,

  8. New Rule: Neocons must have served in the military for at least 4 years before they can invade any more sovereign nations.

  9. "I don't have cable or even TV in my house. It's crap! I mean, Jesu Christi! How many times do we have to watch a fuckin' house get redecorated?"

    i love your way with words! i completely agree.

    new rule: POTUS must be at least halfway intelligent and halfway sane to hold job (sorry shrub!).

  10. Oh, boy, BG. This is a loaded fucking request. I have so many issues with Maher (last year on my old blog, I even wrote a post entitled, "New Rules For Bill Maher"). My biggest issue these days is that when my last blog was still up, I'm convinced that his writers were stealing material. I brought this up when I responded to one of his posts on the HuffPo but since I got banned from making comments on celebrity blogs, they refused to post it.

    So I have a real attitude problem with boutique bloggers like Maher and Huffington.

  11. daulton3:04 PM

    New Rule: Considering the $10 trillion national debt, the half of the country that voted for Bush owes the half of us who did no...$30,000--EACH.

    So far.

  12. New Rule:

    It's the newest drinking game! Everyone has to take a drink when Bush mispronounces "nuclear" or says "Israel has a right to defend herself".

  13. Two for ya:

    New Rule #1: To Hollywood. No more friggin' remakes. Someone over at Shakespeare's Sister posted that some knucklehead is considering doing a remake of "Working Girl" starring... Jessica Simpson. Please. It was a nice little romantic comedy with a good cast. This we do not need.

    We do not need movies made from bad '60s sit-coms. We do not need movies made from bad '80s cop shows. What we need are movies that display talent. That contain some small modicum of something akin to originality. That make us think and that take us places to which we have not been before. That have an ORIGINAL SCRIPT.

    And that don't have anything to do with Jessica Simpson.

    Rule #2: No person in government or the media who has ever actively worked against stem cell research shall ever benefit from anything positive in the way of treatment that might be derived from that research in the future. I know that this is a very "unQuakerly" and less-than-compassionate thing to propose, but since these folks have thus far worked very hard to condemn many thousands of people to future years of untold suffering and slow, painful death, I believe they should be made to stick to their principles and suffer, too.

    It's only fair. And balanced.

  14. New Rule: any journalist who says something is good for the Republicans, must lay out a logical case that if the opposite had happened it would've been bad for the Republicans. There must be some occurrences in this big wide world that are bad for Republicans. If Dick Cheney bites the head off a cheerleader, don't tell me it'll encourage better dialogue with our youth. No more peeing on my shoes and telling me the rain is good for Republican farmers. No more of your heads Republicans win, tails Democrats lose bullshit.

  15. Sorry, Blue Gal, I couldn't agree with Bill more. Childhood used to be training for the adult world. Now, parenthood is training for allowing childhood to last until the age of 30. You are NOT a unique little snowflake until you have actually had an original thought. Until then, you are only a food tube. I know this will piss off all the breeders out there, but I calls it like I sees it.

  16. One More New Rule to go with my Photoshoppie Poster:

    New Rule: Child-In-Chief should be required to Give up flying on Air Force One and have to fly on Regular Airlines like the rest of Americans – and Under the Regular American Rules.

    No nail clippers, make-up, cologne, hard soled shoes, underwire bras or garments, liquids, hair gels, tooth paste, mouthwash, beverages…and wait in the normal 2-3 hours check-in lines and procedures.

    Then he can see how he screws things up for Average Americans everytime he fails to deal with security problems and terror issues KNOWN for the past FIVE years.

    Why is it these so called Security Mavens ONLY deal with an issue AFTER a half-baked plot is undertaken – and then a decision is made … “OH, I guess we’ll disrupt the entire Air Travel Industry and Ban these items from Airline Flights and luggage.”

    He's had Five years to Protect US...Aren't YOU Feeling So Much Safer Now?!?

  17. I want Bush, Cheney, and Blair to have to taste baby formula at airport security per new airline rules for at least 12 hours. As if TRAVELLING WITH AN INFANT isn't trouble enough.

    Karen's photoshop being posted above.

  18. Now now, Big Daddy, I wouldn't be talking about Daily Kos commenters like that if I were you.

    Karen's Photoshop is posted at Aug 11. Fab.

  19. NEW RULE: Don't deny you said it if there's video and/or audio of you saying it.

  20. Blue Gal said...

    Now now, Big Daddy, I wouldn't be talking about Daily Kos commenters like that if I were you.


    heh heh

  21. New Rule:(AKA Amendment XXVIII) Article 1. The President of the United States shall be bound by ALL requirements of this constitution, ALL laws duly enacted by Congress, ALL treaties duly ratified by the Senate, and ALL opinions and orders of the Supreme Court, IRregardless of any state of war, declared or otherwise, national catastrophe, or existential or oedipal crisis on the part of the chief executive. THIS MEANS YOU, GEORGIE!!!
    Article 2: This amendment will go into effect in 1791. Well, maybe 1803 at the latest. (see


I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!