What we're talking about when we talk about fuck...

No, ma hunnies, we're not talking about this, which for some odd reason is called "the Foreman Grill position". Wev:

No. I'm talking about "fuck." The word. We bloggers use it. A lot. Why?

Fuck is the word that works when writing about Bush, Cheney, Rice, Rove, Iraq, Fox, Chris Matthews, Chris Wallace, McCain, Rumsfeld, Lieberman, Corporations, Health Care, Congress, and the music industry. Not to mention Republican Evangelicals.

Did I leave a few out? Fuck.

We say fuck because we can, because like fucking itself it feels good when you do it right (and there's really no wrong way to do it), and most importantly, because it is the right word at the right time and we bloggers are all about the writing. As Whiskyfire points out in what I think will be one of the top five posts in the entire blogosphere for 2008,

None of this [blogospherian success] would have been possible if we weren't willing to say "fuck" a lot, though -- an important point which is often glossed over. Somebody had to say that the war was a stupid fucking idea, for instance. Because, you know, it was a stupid fucking idea (as was the bankruptcy bill and telecom immunity), and yet the media (including, shamefully, the NYT) just sort of forgot to point this out.

So we say fuck in part to distinguish ourselves from the mainstream media. Corrente's very useful glossary of liberal invective makes the point very succinctly:

Fuck - Our guarantee to you that the post containing this term is not Corporate or Government propaganda.

So sometimes fuck is just used as invective and sometimes, well, we actually are talking about fucking, the actual sexual act. Usually when we're talking about actually fucking, though, we're talking about Republicans/conservatives fucking and we're laughing at them. Because one of the really fun things about fucking is that we liberals know that conservatives are fucking and they can't talk about it like we can. It takes enlightenment to distinguish morality from humanity and decide that fucking is something humans do and that fucking is not necessarily a bad thing in and of its own self. But conservatives are all repressed about fucking so we can have a lot of fun with them. When a blogger can TAG A POST

"Gay Republican sex in a shithouse with falafels diapers and loofahs,"

and not break a writers' block sweat, have the post make total sense, AND most importantly be factually accurate, we know we're having something called fun. Notice the blogger here is talking about at least four specific conservatives and you don't need a map or guidebook to know exactly who they are. That's fucking brilliant.

Some bloggers might argue that we don't HAVE to use the word fuck, either stooping to talk about Republican fucking, or using fuck as an invective, in order to blog. That's true. But where's the fun in that? To paraphrase something I wrote (okay, stole from The Onion, but still) at The Aristocrats:

I know a lot of fuckwads, you know, "integrity bloggers," who wouldn't do fuck-all about this predicament, just fuck off for a while and wait for the whole thing to blow over. But you see, that's just not this bloggerfucker's style. What the fuck ever happened to accountability? The blogosphere can be a real fuck, sure, but we fucking finish what we start, and not just when we're blogging, if you get my fucking drift. Any fuckhead integrity blogger who thinks I should fucking walk away from the fuckface issues and ditch the potty mouth is a fucking fucktard and I'll say it to his fucking face, the fuckface.

The great thing about blogging is, we don't really give a fuck. The MSM can fuck us around, but they know not to take it too fucking far. You know why? Because you don't fuck with fuckers, that's why. And if you fuck with the fucking blogosphere, you'll end up being the fuck that gets fucked.

So I'm sitting here and fuck, how do I end this post? Fucking Matt Damon is too recent. The classic lexicon youtube on fuck everybody's seen, and if you've read to the end of this post you don't need it. Most of you have probably seen this, too, but it makes my point rather well. You see, Quentin Tarantino is a fucking good writer, and Pulp Fiction is his masterpiece, in my fucking opinion. Enjoy: