Is this a vioxx-able campaign?

This is not a free speech issue, folks. It's a matter of public safety. People are demanding drugs they don't need. If we need a war on drugs, it's gotta start with the TV set.

Rest in peace, Coretta.

And hang in there, Jill. We're still praying for you. Clad in the panoply, babe.

Don't Sugarcoat It Award for January 30

Congratulations to Paul the Spud of Adventures of the Smart Patrol, for his lovely post, "Blindsided. Again." A great many bloggers have commented on Condi's lack of, how can we help but be ironic here, intelligence regarding the Hamas win in the Palestinian elections. But Paul puts this stupidity in a larger perspective, with grace, directness, and most impressively, without a single shoe joke.

Regular Blue Gal readers know that the Don't Sugarcoat It award is for direct, frank, and not necessarily obscene political discourse, usually directed against the current administration.

Paul the Spud sums up the current administration this way:

You've got to wonder how they find their fucking front doors and make it to work intact.

Blue Gal does not claim to be a complete authority on obscenity. She was actually checking out her own blog today when someone noted from a remote computer that her screen had an obscenity on it and shut down the public machine she was using. This is not on the same par as being spied on by Halliburton, as those lucky ducks at the Platypus Pool were, but hey.

So here is Blue Gal's primer on one obscene word. Perhaps this will become a regular feature. We'll see.

Motherfucker.

Used appropriately in a sentence (should not cause spies to shut down public computers)

Wow, trying to control the make-up of the Supreme Court when you've already lost the White House and the Senate sure is a motherfucker.

Those internet spies at Halliburton. Whatta buncha motherfuckers.

INAPPROPRIATE use (feel free to shut down my computer now)

Yo, internet spies at Halliburton! I hope while you're spying on my internet, a drunken Iraqi terrorist fucks your mother!

The last sentence there is not nice, people. Be nice with your obscenities, and you may win an award.

"Oh Shit." (While Knitting) UPDATED

My good friend Sperb published a list of famous quotations from his mother which included the above. I can relate.

I am about to be sucked into the vortex of the Knitting Olympics. My children will remember this.

Son of a mother fucking bitch. (while knitting)

Tentative Pattern: Classic Elite 802 (the oatmeal cardigan shown above) Oh shit (while swatching). The yarn I have, and which I love, has a white fleck in it which makes all stitch definition disappear. Will have to go with a simpler pattern (now doesn't that smell like a cop out?) But seriously. I do still plan to knit that lovely cardigan, probably in some Wool of the Andes or Cascade 220. It will have to be a smooth, solid worsted wool without a fleck.

NOTE TO ALL KNITTERS: THIS. IS. WHY. WE. SWATCH.

Plan B: Nancie Wiseman's diagonal knit coat from Knitted Sweaters for Every Season, page 80. Still a challenge, but AL is right. Cables are psychotic for this event.

Yarn: Have not figgered that out yet. Cestari 2 ply worsted, natural dark chocolate, and no, Ray Nagin did not pick the color.

I love this yarn. It's got some yak blended with the wool. So soft. Hand washes beautifully.

Insanity level: (still) extremely high.

Seriously, Akabini, you know what my life is like. And AL, you have had a child. I have THREE, ages 7, 3, and 23 months. And a husband. WHAT a husband. Yi.

I am toast.

Yeah, I'll join Team Wales, too. Anything where I get to be in the same club with Akabini AND Franklin. Omigod.



Bye. Gotta swatch.

Would I do anything Douglas Hoffman asked me to?

Well...

This is important. Stop reading my blog and do what matters.

What would DEVO do?

Sell their songs to Disney and let pre-teens record them. Gerry Casale directing.

The end of civilization as we know it. (Hat Tip, BadTux.)

Have a great weekend...

image from Paul the Spud.

Here's all you need to have a great weekend:

Music: Two words: Sp3ccylad. Podcast.

Food: Who could pass up "Gay and Good Kebabs c. 1961"? Be sure to check out all of Jam Handy's fabulous recipes.

Fun: If your weekend turns out to be that good, you can confess it to the world anonymously at BlogAnon.

PS. If you pray, continue to do so for Jill Carroll. I feel led to think about the 23rd Psalm this weekend, but maybe you'll do something else. (Note to Bible promoters on the web: faith and kitsch are not the same thing...most Bible verse screensavers are just. plain. wrong.)


Now who exactly would goaltend against Jesus Christ?

Blue Gal's one night stand...

A total of 539 people visited Blue Gal yesterday, thanks to the wonderful Mike over at Crooks and Liars.

Only two of those 539 (about one third of one percent) saw fit to comment and add a link to their own blog for Jill Carroll, though. That's pretty typical. A C&L mention is like a bad one night stand, quick and not completely satisfying but better than the alternative of blogging alone. And I still think Mike's wonderful. C&L provides so much service we should all send them chocolate chip cookies.

Anyway, welcome to my blogroll, Quaker Dave and The Platypus Pool. And thanks.

Talking points you might have missed

image for this post found here.

Talking points the left has missed, this one concerning spying by the President:

One of the organizations suing the President over this wiretapping is the Center for Constitutional Rights. This is a group of radical lawyers who are defending the "enemy combatants" at Guantanamo Bay. (Those commies at the ACLU are sticking their fingers in, too. You can use their site to write your Senator.)

The CCR lawyers are suing over this wiretapping, and gaining status in federal courts (that means the courts recognize they have a case to bring to trial), because it is assumed that their conversations with the prisoners and their families overseas (in those Arab countries just full of terrorists) were recorded by the government.

Could the White House be looking for evidence to use against the current enemy combatants? Could this be why our attorney general is very supportive of the legality of this spy program?

As one of the CCR lawyers points out,

"The mere existence of the program harms CCR and our attorneys because it serves to inhibit their ability to institute and effectively litigate these suits."

In other words, people who need to talk to their lawyers might not speak freely if they feel the people prosecuting them are listening in.

Now why would anyone think that about our President?

Because it's happened so many times before. J. Edgar Hoover collected evidence against everybody in the name of "national security." The FBI even went so far, with their COINTELPRO program, to infiltrate anti-Vietnam war groups and spy on them from within to weaken their ability to protest the war. And don't get me started about Nixon. We old fart lefties love to get started about Nixon.


Shh...Blue Gal's talking panties again!

Anti-war organizations today are being spied on, too.

The problem with government spying on its own citizens, is it requires vigilance to combat it. Get busy with the talking points, bloggers.

Jill Carroll - Something We Can Do

I've been trying to think of something all of us bloggers can do to show support for Jill Carroll.

I've been trying to follow her story this weekend but there is no news and that may be good news or bad. I pray it means her captors are simply waiting for an opportunity to safely, for them, release her.

Not surprisingly, the best source for calm, unbiased, straightforward reporting on her captivity comes from her own newspaper, The Christian Science Monitor. I was particularly impressed with this story, which highlighted, more than any other source I've found online, the support Jill has among Muslims, especially in Iraq. When Muslims support goodness in this world the mainstream media in the US all too often ignores it. It's an important angle and one often ignored by other sources.

So here is my idea. Tell your blog readers you support Jill Carroll and link to the Monitor, just like I did. That's it. Not too dramatic but drama is not what we need or want right now, no matter how much it might serve the interests of the 24/7 news universe.

Update: one reader had another good idea--to link to one of Jill's own articles.

A leader of Hamas called for her release today. The Muslims are united on this. Amazing.

There are more updates, and some nice photos of Jill without the burka, here.

Much love to all the beautiful people coming from Crooks and Liars. If you want more of Blue Gal, click here. If you post a link for Jill, leave a comment below so we can all check you out.

False and misleading advertising

I love them. Image found on Fark.

Everyone knows the internet is made up of wackos and perverts. Some search engines just leave out porn searches from their statistics because, hey, what else is there? Falafel Sex and Rob Helpy-Chalk are only two of the bloggers who have noted their puzzlement over being found through sex searches.

Now it turns out Blue Gal (the blog, not the woman) is listed as an "Adult" website by Best of the Web Blog directory. You are reading "an intimate blog from a woman in Alabama." Remember all that intimacy when I told you my three year old got potty trained?

If you are here because of that mis-filing, welcome anyway. If you're here because you Googled "panties" again, you better bookmark me, 'cause the panties ain't going away.

But ya know, this works both ways. For a serious political analysis of the abortion issue I did a Google blog search on "abortion" and that's how I found Figleaf. Sure, he's got sexy peeny pictures on his blog, but he's also, imho, one of the best writers on all things sexual in the blogosphere. Correct spelling is sexy, people. (oh, maybe it's "pee-nee").

Blue Gal (the blog, not the woman) is personal, political, and sure, the woman's ego loves all the hits. But quickies from people looking for something else she doesn't need. Or does she? Have a nice weekend, folks. Intimate detail: AL and akabini, I will finish knitting my top-down cardi this weekend for Tacoma. xoxo

Tag: Hot Catholic Schoolgirls, coffee enemas, toe fetish, anal plugs.

Let her go.

Please.



This one I'm praying for. God loves her. God loves her captors. This I know. And she knows, too.

He's a regular Einstein...

I went to the Einstein Exhibit at the McWane Science Center this afternoon. I understand that this is a travelling exhibit; if it comes to a science museum near you I highly recommend it.

In 1925, Einstein joined Mahatma Gandhi and other prominent pacifists in signing a statement opposing mandatory military service. The statement read, in part,

It is our belief that conscript armies, with their large corps of professional officers, are a grave menace to peace…. Barrack life, military drill...and deliberate training for slaughter undermine respect for the individual, for democracy and human life.

In addition, Einstein:


Publicly resisted the McCarthy Army hearings and told other scientists to refuse to testify.

Warned Roosevelt that Hitler was gonna make a bomb first if we didn't. Yet worked the rest of his life for nuclear disarmament.

Was investigated by J. Edgar Hoover as a suspected commie. (This alone wins him the Blue Gal medal of honor.)

Never wasted time arguing against the existence of God or for the superiority of his own intellect.

Worked tirelessly for education, and was instrumental in the creation of Hebrew University and Brandeis University (Blue Gal's alma mater).

A man worth celebrating.

Course, if you want to skip all this hippie commie crap and just picture Einstein with the hair of Snoop Dogg, go here.


PS: Kudos to The Center for Constitutional Rights for defending the prisoners at Gitmo, getting spied on by our President (what, again?) and suing him as a special parting gift. CCR was founded by William Kunstler, another goddamn commie Jew who defended the Chicago 7 and a lot of other unpopular types and was spied on by the FBI jest for fun. I think Bill would be proud of his legacy.

How many Ms. Magazine subscribers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: That's not funny!!!

[Thanks to AL for pointing out that lovely Ms. cover of Jane Fonda, and to Gawker for comparing it to Good Housekeeping's regular first lady feature.] Jane, honey, love the facelift, love the pink lace, love the pooch. And how clever to pimp for husband number 4 on the cover of Ms. Magazine! No one will ever suspect. As I said over at Threading Water:

I used to think Ted Turner
Was a real lucky fella,
But after seeing you on Ms.
You should have stuck with Barbarella.



I mean, did anyone think Jane was a feminist after this came out?



Don't want you to think I've lost the ability to laugh, though. Wonkette's NYT review[login required] of O'Bierne's book, "Women Who Make the World Worse: And How Their Radical Feminist Assault Is Ruining Our Families, Military, Schools, and Sports" made me laugh out loud. The title of the book made me laugh out loud too, but still:

[O'Beirne's] salvos against such dusty icons as Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda and Catharine MacKinnon do all these women the enormous favor of making them relevant again. And, surely, anytime anyone recalls the deeds of Bella Abzug, an angel gets its wings.

Oh, sure, Blue Gal coulda put a picture of Bella Abzug right here, but wouldn't you rather look at the deeply iconic image of Madonna holding a very large fish? Sure you would.

Blue Gal's bippity bloggity blogroll rollup

AL, I love your new digs, and this is your best. post. ever.

If Brokeback an' Walk the Line jest didn't give you enough tragedy and tears, this oughtta do it for ya.

Question: Why do we girls de-Barbie our Barbies?

Answer: 'Cause we're artists, that's why.

Hillary Clinton sure is articulate for a white woman.

Democracy Cell Project knows the difference between hope and despair.

And Shakespeare's Sister's got the reason for the season.


So happy it's Tuesday. Oh, and Audrey is officially potty trained. Have a great day.

Yummy yummy...

Kathy over at What Do I Know? is helping put together a bloggers cookbook to benefit Doctors without Borders. Excellent cause.

But one blogger wrote in to ask:

Do they have to be tofu-based, or can they be real recipes that include pork products?

Hey, as long as the pork is from factory farmed newborn piglets and served with a lobster cheese sauce I'm sure the liberal blogosphere will thank you.

And for the kosher types we can have some gazelle and giraffe recipes. (They both ruminate and have cloven hooves. I looked it up.)

The PETA people? Oh yeah. Print only with soy ink so they can eat the book.

If we can't put together a charity cookbook without offending everybody, how are we gonna elect a congress? This year? Huh?

Best Bible lesson ever

You really need to listen to this. The whole thing. The truth will set you free...and remember too this important lesson:



image courtesy of Paper Napkin who along with the Omnipotent Poobah is the latest addition to the Blue Gal sidebar. Welcome, kids.

Have a nice weekend and keep the faith. BTW Blue Gal is an Alito-free zone; turns out you can listen to too much NPR.

Blue Gal on Brokeback...

Blue Gal finally saw Brokeback Mountain at the one theatre in Birmingham to show it.

I was not disappointed. But the fourteen feet of toilet paper I scarfed from the Cineplex's bathroom before the show was not needed. I thought it was gonna be a real sobfest, but I cried more, much more, during the recent Pride and Prejudice than I did during this one.

What everybody (except Gene Shalit, and really, did you ever take him seriously as a reviewer?) says about it being a love story and you forget that it's two guys but you remember the love and the relationship is totally true.

I predict it will win the best picture Oscar, 'cause Hollywood would love to send the Bible Belt a message after the Reddy-Whipping of the Christ movie, and also because Ang Lee has a worthy body of work to reward and it's probably his time.

Speaking of messages, we've gotta give a Don't Sugarcoat It honorable mention to the weblog Christian Dissent for their lovely comment to Pat Robertson, "God is not an asshole, you are."

Imitation is the sincerest...huh?

I don't mind if Intous (goddess) wants to copy one of my posts. It's deeply flattering. But when some Asian pseudo-hipsters name their blog Panties Panties Panties it may be time to call out the lawyers.

Are you wondering if Panties times 3 is safe for work? Congratulations! You are so very fired. [tip of something tasty to my friend (yes, please) the equally unsafe Figleaf.]



Above from the always brilliant Toothpaste for Dinner.

Art and chaos day at Blue Gal

It's art and chaos day at Blue Gal. We all need to take a break from time to time and experience art.

Sculpture: I like Michael Aurbach's stuff. His "secrecy series" is particularly timely. When you visit, do wander around and browse, just like you would in a real museum. It's worth it.

Photography: Dave's Pics has some lovely snow scenes, coreled and not. He's a talent.

Fiber: Didja know you can crochet your own flying spaghetti monster hat? Show your faith, that you've been touched by his noodly appendage.

Music: Princess Sparkle Pony found Tammy Faye Bakker on vinyl and posted some samples. I could not listen to an entire piece but wow what the internet does not have.

dissing Oprah and there's nothing you can do about it.

Oprah drives me nuts. Her magazine advertising is directed at women like me (I'm 42) and it's all about removing wrinkles, losing weight, and taking the right pills. Her magazine is supposed to be about women and ideas and values, but it practically ignores the role of motherhood. I'm not asking "O" to be "Parenting Magazine", but when I saw the Jan 06 cover of Oprah "at home in Santa Barbara with the kids"--three golden retriever puppies, I wished that her "kids" would piddle on all her "Love That!" merchandise, including the $120 Bubble Bath. [If Oprah was a real mommy to those dogs I might desist, but looks like Oprah hired a puppy nanny to clean up after them when they kept her up one night. Holy dog poop.]

Oprah magazine is not about women so much as blatant materialism. Oprah can afford anything so let's revel in her fantasy, no kids, perfect job, wonderful house in Santa Barbara, etc. etc. The magazine is a perfect escapist fantasy for the middle aged, overweight, low self-esteem, trapped by children female. (Not too close to home, but still). Far be it from me to deny anyone their escape. But Oprah's empire definitely needs some air taken out of it.

I realize there are a lot of childless-by-choice women out there (including Oprah) and I applaud them. Motherhood is not for everyone, and I do not put anyone down who is smart enough to know it is not for them. But Oprah denigrates the role and toil of motherhood by calling puppies her kids.

I did like this diet, from an apparently abandoned* Oprah blog:

...heart disease is the number one killer of all the fat, unhealthy, chain smoking lard asses in America....Listen, if you think you have heart disease, do something about it.

1. Turn off Oprah, get off the Jennifer Convertible your sitting on, put away the Cheetos (I'm looking at you Britney) and go for a fucking walk. Repeat 5 times a week.
2. Stop eating meat. That shit is nasty and it's bad for you.
3. STOP SMOKING! They don't call them cancer sticks for nothing.
4. Stop eating and drinking crap. There are these things called fruit and vegetables that grow from the ground and in trees. Try them.
5. Vote democrat. Trust me, it will make you feel better.

*and yes, I join the hoards who think Blogger should get a clue and release blog url's that haven't been posted to in six months. bluegal.blogspot.com is NOT being used, people.

And on the same note...

Thank you Tom Tomorrow.



Order the gear here.

Cajones!

Well, leave it to a buncha commies like the ACLU to have the cajones to compare Bush to Nixon in public. Can't wait to see what B.O.R.E.illy has to say about their lovely ad campaign. (a hat tip to the beautiful and talented Libby.)

Update: Just found out there's this group out there calling themselves "The Democratic Party" who also have a video on the same topic posted here.

But ya know, I was thinking that Worst. President. Ever. really is a distinction. If long-term coverage on The History Channel is what you're after, a miserable failure is far better than a mediocre success. Look at Hitler. (Did Blue Gal just compare Bush to Hitler? I don't think so. She wouldn't be that subtle about it, now, would she?)

Speaking of which, Steve Martin on Huffington Post (and who's their agent?) is quoteworthy:

I remember liberals at a party saying, 'let's add a second to the year' and I was the only one who spoke up against it. Why would they want to add a second to the year? Because it gives them a second longer to hate Bush. [I think I found out about this from Rooks Rant but Kos had it, too.]

Have a nice weekend. We'll try to do an art and chaos day next week. Send me stuff.

Oh there's that Blue Gal gay agenda thang again...

[A hug and a smooch to Bring It On readers;
get your full-frontal Blue Gal here.]



Sorry, Blue Gal can't stop laughing. "Philadelphia: Get your history straight, and your nightlife gay." The Philadelphia travel guide, Navigaytor? WTF? Oh, ma hunnies, go all the way and see the commercial here. (mpeg)

Now I do not claim to be an expert in these things, but this ad campaign has all the desperate looks of being made by straights. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Blue Gal was all bent outta shape when in gettin' back to Birmingham, Brokeback Mountain still is not playing here. Censorship! Grab my rainbow flag and off to the cineplex to protest? I mean, look at this chart, which shows exactly what the south is all about:


with love to Local Tint

But wait, it wasn't playing over Christmas in Port Townsend, Washington either. And that's the kind of town to have that movie first as a point of pride, where even the McDonald's is morally obligated to have gay cowboy toys in the Happy Meals. So what gives? Oh. It's all capitalism's fault. Figgers. We can't just want to see this movie, we have to wait so long and want it so bad that we're willing to kiss a same sex partner our own selves just to qualify. Plus pay for a babysitter.

Finally, those internet survey makers better be more careful. Asking four year olds their gender...I am a girl...I am a boy...I don't know? Here is an area where I am an expert: gender confusion in four year olds is impossible. They just pull down their big girl underpants and show you. Oh, there I go mentioning panties again.

Blue Gal's back, Jack's in the box.

In the back of my mind there was this sneaking suspicion that the new year would change everything. We wake up and all the justice of 2005 was just a good dream. Bushco wanted all of us to believe the past year was o-ver.

So what's the first political news story of this year? Jack Abramoff is cutting a deal. Update: Kudos to Tim F. over at Balloon Juice for the term "Abramaggeddon".

"You don't have to be a political genius to sniff the smell of blood in the water," said GOP consultant Rich Galen.

WOO HOO!

I may be sleepy (jet lagged and tired as hell from the night cough that will not die), but this is not a dream.

So who peed their pants first when they found out, Tom Delay or Ralph Reed?

I missed you.

And now we are going to let the War on Christmas story die, but not before reading one last post, from my most excellent evil twin over at Blog de la Resistance. She often says what I say, but with more class and sass and all around snark. Love that post, AL, especially...

You can bemoan the more inclusive "Happy Holidays" greeting all you want, but if your car is sitting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart and your kids are whining for an X-Box or an I-Pod under the tree, you done lost any "Christ" you thought you had. Clicking your heels and chanting "Merry Christmas" isn't going to bring back the true meaning of the day.

'Kay. One more day before...school is back in session. Did I say Woo Hoo? That's what I meant.