Dear "Joe Biden" and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee:
I am in receipt of your letter dated May 23, 2011, 9:03 a.m. Wow, when you guys show up to work you get things done first thing, doncha?
Anyhoo, since the words "Joe Biden" were on the envelope, I figured on a breezy, readable tome of about five or six trips to the crapper. Imagine my surprise at opening the envelope to a two page letter that tells me in the first paragraph that "there is no time for partisan politics" and that "our cards on the table" include "working with Democrats and Republicans alike to move the country forward."
Really? Which Republicans have YOU been talking to?
Then you talk about "some of today's politicians" who want to "bring us back to the past." You mention your "proven plan to create jobs" once and Social Security and Medicare not at all?
Excuse me, DSCC, but is your fundraising letter some sort of logic puzzle I'm supposed to work out before I send you a check?
Here, consultant-fee free, is the letter that would get me to write you a check for five bucks:
June 2, 2011 9:02 a.m.
Dear Fellow Democrat:
Paul Ryan and the Republicans told lies for two election cycles about how the Democrats want death panels and that health care reform was a secret plot to "kill Grandma."
Once they won back the House, they passed nothing but abortion legislation, oh, and a plan, for real, that will force seniors into the private insurance market and give yet another tax cut to billionaires.
Our plan is to create jobs jobs jobs by re-building roads and bridges and our power grid and railroads and schools (here at home, not in Afghanistan). And on the Medicare thing? We plan to hand the GOP their balls on a spoon.
Won't you help?
Thanks for all you do,
Joe Biden
You're welcome.
PS. A reader, LH, reminds me that I didn't have an April fundraiser for this blog. I only do that four times a year, and the podcast / Netroots Nation contest / Blog Against Theocracy and / Spring Break all got in the way. Thanks for putting clothes on my back. I appreciate your support, folks.
If I had money, I would send it to you.
ReplyDeleteexcellent, a measured and reasonable tone. like at the end where you went with spoon over fork.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahah!!!! That was GREAT!!! But unfortunately, the Democrats are the party of Kumbaya, and they will never give up trying to get Republicans to like them. That's why they can never rule for very long - people get tired of watching somebody they like shit their pants over and over. Oh, and some didn't even like them to start with.
ReplyDeleteRepublicans are the party of let's get 'er done, and have energy to spare. Unfortunately, it's all destructive.
Where do I sign up?
ReplyDeleteA pretty small spoon.
ReplyDeleteI love it when you talk like that, BG.
ReplyDeleteI like your style!I'm just an old guy with a huge grudge against the GOP thugs that want me to lie down and fade away .It seems that the seniors in my area are beginning to get it.Not long ago most of them were ready to vote for any Repugnant that ran ; Now,not so much.I would like to grab Biden and the Pres. By the ear and shake some sense into them but I guess thats just wishful thinking.
ReplyDeleteHonest pitches. How do they work?
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'm picturing a serrated grapefruit spoon.
ReplyDeleteSláinte,
cl
I'm on my last nerve with the asking for money crap. Seriously? With the dems in charge, at the helm, we are in wars with Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, and occasionally overlapping in to Pakistan.
ReplyDeleteThis month they will close 6 schools. Shitloads of people are losing jobs.
Now they propose we extend retirement....
i.e. the "work till you're dead" program.
Bullshit!
Won't you please donate?
I have a look of disgust I can contribute.