Sunday, May 14

Happy Mother's Day

full time mom sticker
photo is from Stunted Growth's flikr set

Please pray for Blue Gal today, as she is vacationing away from her three young children on today of all days and is likely to have a big attack of the guilts. Whenever my children are mad at me, though, I tend to sing the "meanest mommy" song, which I wrote when my firstborn was two, in 2000. I dedicate it to all you moms out there, especially if you have a two year old. (If you have a fifteen year old, you need more help than one song is gonna getcha, but it's for you, too.)

(sung roughly to the tune of "It's a long way to Tipperary")
Now with wikipedia reference links!
I wrote this my own self and reserve all rights. Link to it, ma hunnies, don't copy it.

I'm...the meanest mommy...
In the whole. wide. world.
I am...the meanest mom-my...
In the whoooole wiiiide world!
Medea, and Joan Crawford,
Have nothing on me!
That's why
I am known as
The world's mean-est mommy!

If you don't believe me,
Well, let me tell you now.
I am...the meanest mommy...
Since Madam Chairman Mao!
Call me a nasty na-ame,
Like the one that rhymes with "witch."
'Cause I am
A meaner Mommy
Than Mrs. Slobodan Milosovich!

Clinton coulda met me,
But then wouldn't ya know.
His aides said,
That would be like,
Shaking hands with Fidel Castro!
Ask Secretary Albright,
And her face will start to burn...
'Cause I'm not
A "rogue mommy,"
I'm a "mommy of concern."

If you still
Don't believe me,
I'll have to tell you twice.
Saddam Hussein
Loves me
'Cause I make him look so nice.
That's why
He salutes me
With the Iraqi flag unfurled!
'Cause I am
The meanest mommmy
In the whooole wiiiide world!!!

I wrote this my own self and reserve all rights. Link to it, ma hunnies, don't copy it.


  1. I don't think you're really, truly, actually meaner than Mrs. Milosovich.

    But your song sure made me laugh.

  2. Anonymous9:31 AM

    Reminds me o'th'songs me own mum, Lucrezia Borgia, used t'sing t'me (sniff, sniff).

    Happy MD, BG--CD!

  3. Brava BG..I give you a standing Ovation..sing it again please :P

    My child is grown and thankfully finally left the friggin nest, but when he screamed "your mean" as a child..I would always say "damn straight son,and you will thank me some day".

    He did.

    Enjoy your down time, it doesn't happen often enough for mommy's.

  4. Anonymous10:52 AM

    Here's a Mother's Day present for you. Truthout reports that Rove's indictment is as good as done. The only unresolved question is whether he'll be charged with obstruction. Woo-hoo!

  5. Too Funnie! And links to YOU.

    However, makes me seem like such a Marshmellow in the Meanie Mommie Contest! A real Creame-Puffy is I...but Hey somebody's gotta do it.


  6. What? No Mother's Day panties?

  7. Happy Mother's Day, meanie!

  8. Nice poem, nice blog.

    Hopefully some of you guys can stop by for similar political ruminations.

  9. LUV the song. When I say love I mean LUV l.u.v.

    I hummed sang it to my son when he called; I sang it to my daughter and granddaughter when they called -- and the grandbaby is 14 months old, so she loved it.

    Happy mothers day.

  10. Anonymous9:31 PM

    Thank'ee, everyone fer comin' here to BG's fer Mother's Day...

    This Cap'n knows how demandin' (uh-hmmm, important) those dear, sweet lavender-haired ladies can be, but this be their day t'shine!

    Blue Gal, I be raisin' a tankard o'grog t'me favorite Web mum, who is Dear an'Sweet, but not demandin' nor of th'lavender-haired variety.
    ---Love on Ye!

  11. Happy Mother's Day, Blue Gal -- and that is one fabulous song!

  12. Dang, I hope the kids don't get a hold of any plastic hangers.

    But, Happy Mother's Day. You're one hot mama.

  13. Anonymous12:05 PM

    Love the song. I didn't see it until today (Monday), but it's SO appropriate. I have to challenge you for meanest mommy of the day. This a.m., I CUT MY 12-YEAR OLD SON'S HAIR! Before school. Because I could. not. stand. it. anymore.

    And he cried. Actual tears. And left the house without speaking to me.

    I am a horrible, mean-ass mommy. I am so glad to meet another of my kind.

  14. The child's shrill squalling in the background certainly brought out the latent meanest mommy in me as well - and I don't have any kids. Of my own. Biologically. Raised a few, though. Foster Mom. Step-Mom. God-Mom. I didn't kill them, much as I came close a few times. They mostly grew up to be okay.

    And, masochist that I am, I'm now a boarder with a family with FIVE kids, paying off my rent as... meanest babysitter in the whole wide world. At 52. To make frayed and tattered ends meet while I do my PhD.

    God, I want my life back!

    Happy Mother's Day.

  15. When my children were young I told them that I was going for a spot in the "Mean Mom Hall of Fame." You are welcome to join me!

  16. I didn't write a song about it or anything, but when they got to be teens and tweens and would invariably yell "I hate you!" at the top of their lungs for some perceived grave injustice, like me denying them the right to get a facial tattoo or something - I would wither sigh wearily or smile sweetly and say "That simply means I am doing my job. I would be a piss-poor parent if you liked me all the time."

    Oh, they hated that. But I heard my daughter say those very words to my four-year-old granddaughter recently, so you know I feel something beyond vindication.


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