A contest where everyone's a winner?

Hail, photoshoppers, Enigmatic Paradox has a contest going where the prizes are themselves a paradox, or an enigma. Or something. Anyway, they're funny. And those of you talented enough to morph one silly politician into another should do it.

Alright, Alright. I'm first in line for the audition, though.

I don't have time to create a separate blog. But if you want a sign up sheet, comments here will have to do ya. Leave your name and city only, please. Yes, men and those of us past our prime are welcome.

Thanks, you wonderful readers! Blue Gal hits 10K for August

For the first time, Blue Gal has had over ten thousand unique visitors in one month. It's never been about the hits. It never will be. But I am humbled and grateful that even a few of those hits are people who don't know me personally and still want to read what I write. You blow me away. Thank you.

Big shout out to the most wonderful stud muffin in the blogosphere, Mike of the Blog Round-Up. And to every other blogger who provided a link, a laugh, or a comment. There aren't words.

And a dedication to my readers. It's a silly video (great song) from the big 80's but it says what needs to be said: "I got you. That's all I want. I won't forget, that that's a whole lot." Thank you.

And for my THIRD post of the day...

from Webundies

I know, I know. Cooookies. I'm going to stop right after this one, I promise....

I just can't figure it out.

Shorter Rummy: If you don't like stay the course you're a Nazi appeaser, get it? Lemme throw the word fascism in there, too! So those egghead blogging people can look it up, throw around definitions, and basically, well, encourage al Qaeda types!

Shorter Rush Limbaugh: I think you might then say that the obesity crisis could be the fault of government, liberal government. Food stamps, all those -- ...the government's killing the poor. The Bush administration is killing the poor with too much food.

Oops sorry, that's not shorter Rush Limbaugh, that's an actual quote.

Which one of these guys is working for Karl? I mean, it's Katrina anniversary week, and even I am blogging about the above. Look! Shiny things! Tossed in front of the blogosphere! Ooh the Secretary of Defense called me a fascist! That fascist! Rush is talking about obesity! That "big fat idiot"!

Google Blog Search mentions this week, props to Arianna's folks for making this kinda graphic possible:




Whatever they are paying Karl Rove, it isn't enough.


Yo, Bloggies! Drink da Kool-Aid, and show him da money.

Update: I thought a lot about this post while carpooling the kids home. It's not that we lefties all need to stick to the same talking point. I'm worried that we can be so easily distracted. While the MSM generally does not help, I give big props to Olbermann tonight and hope it's a "have you no sense of decency" moment. (C&L promises to have the vid.) Regardless of WHY he said it, Rumsfeld is an officer in the Federal Government and unfortunately the civilian director of our military. He should be ashamed to say what he said about dissenters within this country. Ashamed.

Update 2: Olbermann spoke with a wonderful passion. Remember when he was a candidate for Blue Gal's imaginary boyfriend? His intelligence as an aphrodisiac scale now goes to eleven. It goes to eleven. Step aside, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I think it's time for a shuffle.

Letter to a fellow blogger

I wrote this the other day to a relatively new blogger and thought others might get something out of it.






Dear fellow blogger,

I can tell you are interested in driving up traffic to your blog, which is great. You're a good writer and your traffic will increase as you keep blogging (daily, if possible). The other things you can do are:

Leave comments all over the place. Find a nice long blogroll (mine is over there but there are others) start going down it and leave a comment everywhere you see something you like. My blog went from zero to 70 hits a day from just doing that and then I was on my way.

And don't leave a "visit my blog" comment. They'll visit anyway.

Only leave on-topic comments or sincere compliments. Nobody likes trolls or self-pimping***. Make the compliment TRUE, and specific where possible. Only praise posts you really do like. And link to them where possible, too.

We're all human, and we bloggers are more narcissistic than even the average American. And most of us work very hard on our blogs with little thanks. Every comment matters.

I have personal likes and dislikes but if I follow the rule of "only say something if it's nice" I really like Shakespeare's Sister and Crooks and Liars. The other big blogs I can take or leave, and I leave'em. Those two have nice people attached to them: people who care about small blogs, the blogosphere, and are not puffed up with their own importance. We all need to emulate those qualities. Don't forget it.

Do you have comment moderation at your site? Get rid of it, for the time being, until somebody bothers you. As a Blogger user, I've found word verification works very well to keep out the spam. Better at the beginning not to put too many barriers between you and commenters. You can always hand-delete those comments you don't like, if you're lucky enough to have that many comments.

Also check out this post from Enigmatic Paradox, as well as Brainshrub's excellent series on tips for political bloggers.

Keep blogging and keep the faith.

***Big exception: DO pimp your blog when Shakespeare's Sister has a blogwhoring day. She does it about once a week and again, you just leave a comment there. Update: Oops, she did it today.

Lessons in children's lit...

My 4yo was reading a "Harold and the Purple Crayon" omnibus, the story "Harold's Trip to the Sky" (1957). Harold finds himself in the desert.

Apart from drinking at an oasis, he thinks, "there isn't much else to do on a desert." But "then he remembered how the government has fun on the desert. It shoots off rockets."

Which the hell government is Harold thinking of?



original photo at the always delicious Quasar9.

Don't Sugarcoat It Awards for August 29

Usually, the Don't Sugarcoat It Awards are for those who succinctly dope slap the President or his administration. The recent Katrina blogswarm did an excellent job of that (thanks, Shakes, you're fab) so today I wanted to highlight two other blogs that covered differing issues with good writing and sharp prose.

The first award goes to the group blog Corrente, for their lovely post on the Connecticut/Lieberman thang. This post is not over the top with swear words, but when the chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee pretends that there are now two Democrats in the race for US Senate in Connecticut, I think calling that chairman a "wet fart of a Beltway Insider" is both appropriate and lacking in sugar. (Betcha that guy can make a folding metal chair sing.)

The second award goes to David E's Fablog. Lotsa don't sugarcoating will be happening today on the whole why-aren't-there-DNA-tests in Bangkok issue, but David E. does as fine a job as any:

Gasp! Clutch the pearls! How can this possibly be with everyone from Nancy Grace to Larry King to “famed psychic” Sylvia Browne picking their teeth in the wings.

Yes after ten years the 6-year-old beauty queen, like Generalissimo Francisco Franco is STILL DEAD !

...But it was great TV, wasn’t it Binky? And it did the job it was designed to do: “Hey look over there!”

Tomorrow I'll be blogging about blogging. Have a good one.

Blue Gal - The Katrina Blogswarm Edition

...in which the no-bid Haliburton contractors are greeted as liberators by NOLA dead bodies being eaten by rats.

Speaking of cost-overruns, somebody is selling these panties on the web for nine dollars and ninety cents. Do they take FEMA debit cards? Just asking.



But while we're all on topic here, yeah, I wanna send a blog job*** out to David Stephenson. While we're all dumping debris on this administration, there are plenty of positive actions we technologically adept people can do to help in the next disaster. I mean, besides getting the f**k out of the way of a hurricane. I do think we've learned that lesson. Mayors now know how to commandeer school buses. Good. I especially like David's ideas of buying a $20 pair of walkie talkies and also subscribing to the rss feed of the National Hurricane Center. No brainers, but then again, so is our President.

I am with the President (gag) in thinking that cleaning up after a Cat4 is going to take longer than one year. I am sorry that it's taken six years for a great many Americans to see the disaster they (the Supreme Court) first elected (not) in 2000. Bush did not order this storm. But he sure did order the storm in the Middle East, the wrecking winds blowing over our beloved Constitution, and the roaring waters washing away our domestic infrastructure. He is the worst disaster to hit America, ever. We'll rebuild. It will take years.

***David his own self came up with that term and he says it was a typo. So what exactly were you typing, David? Geez.

Blue Gal's Sunday Pimp Festival - Pluto Edition

Hey Jenny Slater has a great clip from the chat room of the stars planets.

Fried Green al-Qaeda's Pluto finds the (ir)relevance.


Worth1000 has the "Pluto is a Planet" contest. (h/t Omnipotent Poobah)

Oh, crap. Remember I thought the CIA was reading Blue Gal from Reston, Virginia? Well, guess what else is based there? Pluto Today, that's what.

I'll never regret the CIA panties. Never.

Don't forget, kids, we're all blogging Katrina tomorrow.

A modest proposal.

Okay, by now many of you have heard that Patricia Todd, the FIRST lesbian candidate who might have actually made it to the State House here in Alabama, has had her VALID primary victory held up by DEMOCRATIC PARTY operatives in the state. Those operatives are fighting her candidacy, some people say (oops sorry that's copyright Fox News 2004) because she is not black.

Oh no, my friends, I am not making this up. None other than the New York Frickin' Times is covering this story. The state Democratic Caucus is figuring out what to "do" with her as I type this.

I went to lunch with a group of Democrats yesterday and one told me, "Oh yeah, [Alabama Democratic kingmaker] Joe Reed would not care if she was gay, straight, bisexual or a siamese twin, as long as she was black."

Sorry to ask the obvious question, but is this what the civil rights movement was about? Making sure there are set-aside seats for black candidates? Even if Democratic primary voters vote for a...I am not making this up...lesbian instead? I'm sorry, but it is not as if blacks are not represented in statewide and city politics. It is as if gays and lesbians are not represented. At all.

By the way, I sure do hope Bull Connor is spinning in his grave right now.

There was a lot of hand-wringing at the Democrats' lunch about how this makes our state look and isn't it too bad because there are some of us here who are open-minded and liberal. With all due respect to those fellow Democrats, we're sitting in suburban Birmingham eating nine dollar lunches. Our state deserves what ever invective the national press and the blogosphere wants to kick our groin with, if this is how DEMOCRATS are gonna fuckin' behave. I'm ashamed of every single Democrat who wants to overturn what the VOTERS decided in the primary. For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to be a so-called Democrat.

There's only one way to fix this in my opinion.

We need an all-lesbian State House.

Just for a few years. To "make up" for the gross under-representation of this distinct minority. And yes, Joe, some of them can be black lesbians. Just for you.

One more message for Joe Reed: Just to prove to us that, as you say, this is not about Patricia Todd's sexual orientation? Ma hunnie, it's tranny time:



UPDATE: It looks like this is gross injustice is being overturned as I type. Good prevails! Birmingham Blues is the go-to blog on this issue. You rock, Kathy.

Winners in the New Rules Contest

Just so ya know, that furry thong is Armani. I guess the new season debuts tonight at 11 pm EST on HBO (just a coincidence, I swear) so if you're watching think of me. I'll be asleep in my TV-free house.

Okay the winners, are:

Autographed copy of Bill Maher's book, New Rules to:

Skyterrain:

New Rule: So what if she was cute and her parents smeared more makeup on her face than a casino cocktail waitress? "Breaking developments" in the 10-year-old Jon Benet Ramsey case are hereby banned from leading off the news cycle when over 6,000 people died in Iraq last month. Specifically the FCC should suspend CNN's broadcast license for running a ticker across the bottom of the screen, detailing the all-important contents of John Mark Karr's in-flight meal. Ugh. I feel a little queezy - be a doll and get me a ginger ale? Thanks. Do the lobotomized followers of this historical footnote even possess the requisite brain activity to operate a remote control?

Sandy Underpants:

New Rule: any journalist who says something is good for the Republicans, must lay out a logical case that if the opposite had happened it would've been bad for the Republicans. There must be some occurrences in this big wide world that are bad for Republicans. If Dick Cheney bites the head off a cheerleader, don't tell me it'll encourage better dialogue with our youth. No more peeing on my shoes and telling me the rain is good for Republican farmers. No more of your "heads Republicans win, tails Democrats lose" bullshit.

Autographed Real Time poster to:

QuakerDave:

New Rule: To Hollywood. No more friggin' remakes. Someone over at Shakespeare's Sister posted that some knucklehead is considering doing a remake of "Working Girl" starring... Jessica Simpson. Please. It was a nice little romantic comedy with a good cast. This we do not need.

We do not need movies made from bad '60s sit-coms. We do not need movies made from bad '80s cop shows. What we need are movies that display talent. That contain some small modicum of something akin to originality. That make us think and that take us places to which we have not been before. That have an ORIGINAL SCRIPT.

And that don't have anything to do with Jessica Simpson.

Karen McL:

New Rule: Child-In-Chief should be required to give up flying on Air Force One fly on airlines like the rest of Americans – and under the all FAA/Homeland Security rules.

No nail clippers, make-up, cologne, hard soled shoes, underwire bras or garments, liquids, hair gels, tooth paste, mouthwash, beverages…and wait in the normal 2-3 hours check-in lines and procedures.


Not Soccer Mom:

New Rule: Any US President must be at least halfway intelligent and halfway sane to hold the job. (Sorry, Shrub!).

And an honorable mention to:
Big Daddy Malcontent:

New Rule: Childhood used to be training for the adult world. Now, parenthood is training for allowing childhood to last until the age of 30. You are NOT a unique little snowflake until you have actually had an original thought. Until then, you are only a food tube.

[To which I replied, "Now now, Big Daddy, I wouldn't be talking about Daily Kos commenters like that if I were you."]

If you're a winner, please send your snail mail address to bluegalsblog AT gmail DOT com. Thanks to all the talented writers who entered.

Um...this is interesting...

Juuust wanted to send a special pair of panties to the source of all those return visits to Blue Gal from Reston, Virginia these days.

To those farm boys I say,

"The chardonnay is in the freezer. We'll pour it at midnight. Don't forget the cheese."***

Clear? Clear.

***IITYIHTKY



Nice touch using AOL to connect, but it keeps kicking you off. Get with Lieberman's people on that. They have a lot of recent experience with computer glitches and can probably help.

Just Saying....

great video from Andersonville at YouTube

.

Just a reminder...

One more day to submit your "New Rule" in the Bill Maher Contest.

There's a new video of Bill here in which he covers events while the show has been on hiatus. It's a bit outdated and the first half is almost word for word a repeat of his Huff Post shill for Israel. At least I'm not alone, his audience doesn't like it either.

Geez. Bill looks like hell. It's gotta be hard to do a timely "pimp the show" video on tape-delay, Bill, but whoever told you channeling Mel Gibson's drunk driver look would do it? They should be so very fired.

My diagnosis is, this man needs to get married. Quick. For the sake of his health, he needs a plump breeder type, who will make him get some sleep, eat something, wash up, and stop smoking so much goddamn pot. It's putting the years on. Being a poster boy for Peter Pan Syndrome is not pretty, Bill. Just saying.

UPDATE: So NOW he's trying to get back into my good graces. Humph.

Finding the words...

Yeah, these panties do say "pee pee" at the crotch.
Listen, guys, I don't make 'em, I just post 'em.

August is a slow news month, trust me, Jon Benet would not get this kinda coverage in late October. Time for a more serious political post, though.

Talking Dog recently interviewed Blue Gal fave George Lakoff re his reframing ideas and the Iraq war. You may remember Lakoff from his "Don't Think of an Elephant!" book, a kind of political Bible for the Democrats a couple years ago, but now they've forgotten all about it because the party is too busy talking about Lieberman. Really Howard, let's make a statement that Ned Lamont is the Democratic candidate for Senate in Connecticut and "we will not talk about the opponent." Period.

Back to Lakoff. He has the best analysis of the whole "war on terror" talking points I've read:

The Talking Dog: How would you reframe the "war on terror", and in particular, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT, for one thing? Am I correct that in your view the fastest way to frame the Iraq war is to frame it as THE IRAQ OCCUPATION, to wit, when flight-suit-wearing President Bush gave his "mission accomplished" speech on the carrier Lincoln, we had, in fact, already won "the war", and left us with "the occupation"?

George Lakoff: There is no question that the occupation is and has been a disaster. ...We also have to get a handle on definitions. You can't have a "war on terror". Terror is an emotion-- it is not an army who fights to control territory-- the definition of a party that you have a "war" against. That's not what terrorism is about... Terrorism is more like organized crime. Indeed, immediately after 9-11, Colin Powell suggested that the 9-11 attacks be treated as a crime, and responded to as a crime, albeit a huge one. When we've been most successful against terrorism, it's been when we've treated it like organized crime -- combating it with spies, infiltrators, and with international police and intelligence cooperation. This is not an issue of war... it is more like busting a syndicate.

We seriously need to re-frame this "war on terror" "9-11" Republican talking point. In the same vein that I wrote about reframing the abortion issue, let's go over some ideas and please, please, let us all know your own suggestions in comments. Thanks.

1. Any student of US history remembers "the Communist threat" which led us to Vietnam and the same kind of quagmire we're in now.

I love bringing up the commies and I love the word quagmire and I love the Vietnam angle.

2. This war is putting our troops in harm's way only to benefit Halliburton and the members of the Republican party with ties to the oil industry.

Ditto the negative terms here: Halliburton (hiss), Oil industry (boo, hiss), and now, of course, the Republican party. (Bwa ha ha.) BTW don't just make this about lame duck Bush. Don't say "the President". This is about every single Republican member of Congress who held up their stupid purple fingers at that State of the Union Address and claimed success. Take your purple finger and stick it up your pee pee. Oh, and we threw your stuff out on the lawn. Get out.

3. This one from Hertzberg in The New Yorker (8/21, page 21) "George W. Bush's war of choice in Iraq is a catastrophe." To which we must add, constantly, "Why is Donald Rumsfeld still Secretary of War Defense?"

I like re-framing "war on terror" to "George W. Bush's war of choice." And Rumsfeld should have been cut loose immediately after Abu Gahrib. If Rumsfeld were to be cut loose now it would be an admission of a problem and it's too late for that. That's the point. But this "I'm the decider let me stick my head up my ass one more time for fun" is over. Incidentally, each member of this administration needs to be slapped about the head and shoulders with a twelve-pound fish.

Any other ideas?

(tip of something tasty to The Heretik)

Now everybody's joining the party. Good.

Not only has Comrade Kevin started his own blog, but long time commenter, heck, long time personal-friend-o'mine Qwerty has started a blog too. Not ever to be confused with Queerty. Not at all.

Memo to Qwerty: It is about frickin' time, pal. Now get Sport on the bandwagon, too, will ya?

Memo to Blue Gal readers: Get used to his blog being better than the one you're currently reading. Back in college he was the English Major. And he went to film school. So he knows a lot of stuff I don't about stuff like, Dada. And ska. And beat poets. He's just cooler than me, that's all. That's okay, I've known him for 21 years so I've gotten used to it.

But he's gotten used to me just coming up with something like this:



So I think we're even.

Live streaming Blue Gal!

I agreed to an interview on all things blogospherian with the wonderful Brainshrub.

The interview will stream at 7 pm Eastern time at WPVM's website here. I probably left out a whole buncha stuff, but I enjoyed talking with Paul -V-.

If you're reading this a little late, I'm told the interview will be archived here for about a week. Look for the "Tips for Political Bloggers" show. I did not provide any tips. Just talked about panties. And having the best commenters in the blogosphere. I did talk about that.

Blogs I've discovered recently...

many more, all hilarious, here.

Couple new folks on the blogroll I wanna mention:

1. After frequent commenter Comrade Kevin left me two comments totalling like 490 words I told him (nicely) to get his own blog. So he did. Go over and say hello!

2. Trolling through Blogexplosion I found yet another good lefty blog: Skipperstyle. Specializes in finding just the right photo for the story. Very nice.

3. Finally, file under strange but good: another one from Blogexplosion. Adventures in Cyberia: Celebrity soap operas told with the help of SIMS2. The latest with Zombie Katie and Tom wanting a baby, is well worth the click, but I wish someone would do a White House version with Zombie Laura getting hit on by Condi, they wind up in the First Lady's bedroom which, of course, is part of the NSA wiretap program. Tune in next time when Alberto gets all hot and bothered listening in on the Sapphic ecstasy. Just a thought.

P.S. Wanna feel old? Original Star Trek turns 40 this year. Fuck.

If you blog...

You might want to take the Pew Internet Blogger's Survey. As the Pew people put it: "We created an online version of the survey featured in the "Bloggers" report and invite participation from the general public. The resulting answers will not be a representative sample, but will give observers a chance to see the questions in context and to comment on some specific aspects of blogging."

The whole thing takes about 7 minutes and Blue Gal did it. h/t David.

Blue Gal T-shirt first draft

Image will probably be smaller. After I've had time to let this get cold I'll put it up on Cafepress. Let me know what you think in comments. And thanks.

Sure, Stephen, but you'll never guess where I'm wearing the Geraldo mustache...

Being on notice from Mr. Colbert is such an honor, everybody's doing it. I found out about this at Little Green Fascists.

You can make your own here.

Another, better contest.

You won't need your lucky undies for this one. Alicia at Last Left before Hooterville has a contest where the winner has to give the highest donation to Habitat for Humanity. Go there.

Memo to Neil Cavuto

From Media Matters:

Summary: Neil Cavuto introduced a Your World segment discussing media coverage of the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict by stating, "[I]s the liberal media fueling terror?" Throughout the segment, onscreen text repeated Cavuto's question.

CAVUTO: All right, Jamal, the image is "Israel bad, Hezbollah good." Is that a fair image, or is that the image you're getting?

He just had to ask. Here's the image I'm getting, Neil:

Only one more week for the New Rule contest.

Enter here in comments. Or send a photoshop of the original poster to bluegalsblog@gmail.com.

All photoshops win an appearance and a link on Blue Gal.

Write your own New Rule and you might win an autographed Bill Maher book or poster.

Contest ends August 24.

For the record...

Lots of great comments here and on Kos about the previous post. Thanks, folks.

One fellow blogger wrote me to say they thought I was good at attacking what right-wing Christians do rather than what they believe or what their religion is. Well, that is key.

Part of my approach is based on the fact that unlike a lot of bloggers, I'm a church going Christian meself. But I also believe, as one friend put it, in common sense for the common good. Like stem cell research. And evolution. And understanding that even the most virulent Baptist will sneak off in tears to an abortion clinic when it's HIS fifteen-year-old daughter who's pregnant. And that marriage, regardless of the gender of the two consenting adults involved, is a blessing and a lesson that should never be denied to any of God's creation.

I wish more in the blogosphere would lighten the fuck up about Christianity. My emailer is absolutely right: attacking what the Christian Taliban does, insisting on separation of Church and State, etc. is some of the most important work we can do. Keep it up, folks. We need to keep the feet to the fire on those who would make this a "Christian" nation. It isn't, it never will be, and to attempt to make it so is contrary to the teachings of one Mister "render unto Caesar" Jesus H. Christ.

That said, listen up, blogosphere: attacking Christianity, or any other religion held by an individual, is interferring with that person's liberty. Being forcefully "anti-Christian" or "anti-God" also becomes its own form of fundamentalism faster than you can say Jerry Falwell. You have seen the enemy, and it is you.

If my spouse gets cancer, or I lose a child in a car accident, or any other of the host of evils in this wicked world befall me, I may decide to pray to God for comfort. If I do that, it is none of your fucking business. Even if I'm being self-deluded or a hypocrite. Tough shit. Tend to your own brain and set of moral values, and I'll do the same with mine. Thanks.

That said, I wish more Christians would keep it simple. Jesus did. There isn't a liberal blogger out there who could argue with the Sermon on the Mount: be meek, be a peacemaker, if you have to pray, do it in private. If you believe in God enough to pray, than why not bet yer ass that God will hear you without a loudspeaker?

We don't really need more than that to carry us through our day. Well, this momma needs one more little thing:

Republican Lite? Here's what I'm talking about!

And by 'Democrat,' I mean LIBERAL.

Those of you blessed to live outside of this Christian Taliban region have no idea:

[Alabama's] Democratic leaders revealed a "Covenant for the Future" on Tuesday with issues they plan to introduce during the 2007 legislative session, but critics said many of the proposals, such as banning PAC-to-PAC transfers, have been killed by Democrats in past sessions.

Democrats in Alabama have killed plenty of anti-PAC legislation in the past. It's such a dilemma in politics between appearing pro-reform and actually reforming.

In addition to banning transfers between political action committees, the covenant also includes

...passing an amendment saying life begins at conception,
...requiring public schools to offer Bible literacy curriculum, [and]
...passage of the Alabama Border Protection Act."

Oh. I almost forgot the tax cuts and one-man one-woman marriage stuff.

I am not making this up. Alabama Democrats, shorter version: no abortion, pro-Bible, anti-Hispanic, anti-gay.

"House Minority leader Rep. Mike Hubbard, R-Auburn, issued a scathing response to the Democratic initiative Tuesday, calling it the "worst case of political plagiarism in Alabama history."

Waah! They're trying to steal our platform! Mark this date down, folks. For once, Blue Gal agrees with a Republican.

I love what Loretta Nall had to say about that "Border Protection Act":

"Alabama doesn't have a border with a foreign country. Maybe we should pass a bill that says our lawmakers have to pass a geography course before they can serve."

Too late, Loretta. Alabamians are gonna be way too busy with their BIBLE curriculum. Jesu Christi, make sure the unaborted kids of all those illegals you deport get to know their Ten Commandments! [major props to Nall for this whole story, btw]

I want an eleventh commandment. If thou art a Democrat, thou shalt not be a Republican. How hard can that be?


"Uh, could you repeat the question?"


crossposted at Kos. Feel free to recommend the diary. Thanks.

I admit it, I'm spoiled.

Sorry for all the cafepress panties lately. I'll get more creative once all three kids are in school.

I'm spoiled, because with very few exceptions, the commenters at this here little blog are bright, well-spoken, and civil. I've been trying to follow the comments regarding the Jill Carroll series, which spilled over to AOL, and I just about gagged. Commenters calling Jill Carroll a liar, a faker, a traitor, and worse, then ending the rant with "USA #1! France sucks!".

I know better than to get my panties in a wad over such types. Somebody has to be on the other side of the fast food drive-up window, but it must be special to have an IQ equal to that of an empty douchebag and have internet access.

And no, I wasn't thinking specifically of Chuck Roberts.

But speaking of douchebags, good for Arianna to call that douchebag on his use of "some people say" journalism. She's saying we've reached a tipping point on this one, and if we have, she tipped it. This example was particularly avoidable, in that Roberts could have said "Dick Cheney has said Lamont's win encourages al Queda types, what do you say?". Sometimes good journalism is easy. I thought Howard Kurtz looked downright embarrassed to have to quote the "some people say" on the transcript. He should say so.

Make no mistake, the journalists who open their pieholes for "some people say" know exactly what they are doing. We will not be able to stop it on Fox News, but we don't take them seriously as a news organization. "Some people say [Karl Rove talking point]" gets an attaboy at Fox. Everyone else? You are on notice. DDT. Don't do that.

I almost didn't write about Arianna because I like to cover things others aren't already talking about, and I don't particularly like talking about the soap opera of one celebrity journalist smacking down another. I'm not a Buddhist, but occasionally I know monkey mind when I see it. But I sincerely hope there is a sea change occuring, and that this particular smackdown marks the end of a pernicious journalistic practice (outside of Fox).

Finally, about the pieholes who commented on Jill Carroll, and other pieholes around the blogosphere: insert a platitude about free speech right here. Then go away. You can say it, but I don't have to listen.

That said, I want to end with an endorsement of Blogenfreude's Wingnut Round-Up, one of the best features to enter the discourse in my memory. See, I actually click on his links and read what the right-wing blogs have to say. So far, it's always as whacked and demented as Blogenfreude says, but I still think it's important to leave our safe left-wing bubble and read other views.

The sad thing about these right wing bloggers is that they think what they are saying is conservatism. They are too young to remember the old guard. A young Bill Buckley, Barry Goldwater, hell, even Nixon. These white guys espoused a philosophy, which, while nearly always wrong, at least had some intelligence behind it. You could actually debate these people. They would not stare blankly at you and lie. (Well, Nixon would, bad example.) Rupert Murdoch has ruined conservatism in his attempt to spread it. That so many people buy his version, is one of the greatest tragedies of our age.


UPDATE: Roberts has apologized. See? They can be taught!

Statement from Alabama's Next Governor...

I wish...

What if every Democrat in this country sounded like this?

"I am Loretta Nall, the Libertarian party candidate for Governor. As a Libertarian I believe that only defense is legitimate and since the Iraq war is not a defensive war it is both illegal and immoral. If elected Governor of Alabama I will immediately call for the withdrawal of Alabama National Guard troops and I will be a vocal advocate for the immediate withdrawal of all US troops from Iraq. You should be wary of candidates who support the war or fail to call for immediate withdrawal of our troops. Remember that they do not have children fighting there." (link)

She also said this...

Do [I] support the rights of gay people to marry? Yes, I do. Nothing in the Constitution gives the government the power to define marriage or to say who can marry and who cannot. Marriage licenses were not a requirement until after the end of slavery and were [then] only implemented to prevent interracial marriage. I do not want the government in my bedroom and I do not want the government in your bedroom... If elected Governor of Alabama I will veto any ban on gay marriage. (link)

If we Progressives are going to reject candidates like Lieberman for their collusion with the Bush administration, and I think we should, then we must also hold our own party accountable. Democratic candidates in Alabama consistently run "Republican lite" campaigns in the belief that they can't do any better. I don't think that's true. We can do better this year. I'm voting for Loretta not because I agree with everything she espouses, but because I think she's absolutely right on two of the most important issues facing us: the war and civil rights.

If MSM wants to paint that as radicalizing the Democratic Party, so be it. We're in an immoral and unjust war, the US Constitution is getting pissed upon by the White House on a regular basis, and there is no domestic agenda in this country whatsoever. As Loretta's campaign slogan puts it, "It's just common sense."

Fun in the sun with Bill

By me.

Breaking: Jill Carroll to appear online

From The Christian Science Monitor, Jill's newspaper:

Jill Carroll is telling her story. In an 11-part series that starts Sunday night, Aug. 13, Jill will tell the tale of her three months in captivity. The series also relates what was being done in Boston, Washington, Baghdad and elsewhere to free her. The online series will include videotaped interviews with Jill, her family, and Monitor colleagues on "Team Jill." Other video includes Jill's answers to reader questions. Watch the video trailer here.

I wonder if those jerks on Imus are ready to apologize to her yet. Interesting that she's doing the interviews direct to internet.

I'd bet she's going to have some KIND WORDS for the people of Iraq. The Monitor probably won't let her say "sorry about Bush and Rumsfeld being such pieholes," though.

Happy Birthday Fidel Castro

Remembering his birthday (as if that is an endorsement of him) pissed off a right wing reader last year so I hadda do it again. Something about why not remember Pol Pot's b-day too? (May 19. Hitler's? April 20. Fuck off.) But since overthrowing Fidel and family would primarily benefit the trust fund of Paris Hilton, I don't feel too guilty.

The Aristocrats know funny, and...

Mark blogs at The Aristocrats.

Bill Maher - not the source of the leaks on global warming...

from Captain Dyke (goddess)

The spin cycle phrase of the weekend is:

"encouraging al Queda types."

When, not if, you use it in a post, link below in comments. Thanks much and pass it on.

Example:

Not that I wanna be encouraging al Queda types, but it's bad enough flying with an infant. I'll taste baby formula after I watch Dick Cheney take a big 'ol swig of it.



h/t D.S. (goddess)

Our first photoshop entrant!

From Karen McL at Peripetia!



Beautiful job, Karen.

Feeling anxious? Time for a cartoon.

lots of other good ones at NatalieDee

This editorial is all over the web, but for once it's worth being part of the buzz.

The skies over the Atlantic cannot be less safe than the roads around Birmingham, Alabama today. I saw four, count 'em, four rear endings today, half involving three cars. People driving tired? They musta been up late last night watching terror news. Why do people watch fear mongering in a belief that they will be informed? Why are people so uptight about what's going on in their panties, and everybody else's, but not worried about what's going on between the ears?

Off topic, how did I miss National Underwear Day Wednesday? Must be jet lag. Get some sleep this weekend, people. I hope to be back on Central Time mentally (so glad we flew back earlier this week) by Monday.

9/11 changed everything....

...except that Americans have major short-term memory loss.

30% of Americans Forget What Year 9/11 Happened

"Next time let's poll them about that Osama fella."

"Or Saddam's WMD's."

"Ya know, I see that Congressman Delay making a comeback in 2012..."

Fuckwads.


tip of something tasty to Alabama Ass Whuppin'

Blue Gal/Bill Maher Contest

His people contacted my people....

SO I've got two autographed books and three autographed posters to give away from Bill Maher's publicist. Tickets to his show? Um, I guess they don't love Blue Gal that much.

The contest is: Write a new rule for some public figure. It can be for Katherine Harris, George Bush, or even Bill Maher himself. Example:

New Rule: Bill Maher should stop being such a shill for Israel. Sure, mature adults can disagree about Middle East politics, but c'mon Bill, if you were a mature adult, you'd settle down, marry a nice Jewish girl, and have your babies Hannah, Caleb, and Zared on the show, instead of hanging out with shiksa arm candy and insulting us breeders. You ain't getting any younger, but there's still plenty of time, look at Larry King. And anyway, isn't Viagra a Real Time sponsor? Just saying.

Don't mean to be biting the hand, but hey, Bill is a big boy, and methinks The Timid Observer would get a chuckle out of that one.

Post your new rule in comments, or email to bluegalsblog@gmail.com, subject line Contest. Deadline is Thursday, August 24 Midnight PST. Blue Gal will be the judge, and you'll have to send her your snail mail if you win. Be sure to enter an email address with your entry. She'll forward your snail mail to the publicist (shout out to Entry Level Sara, she's a keeper) for sending out the prizes. All rights reserved and you can't sue me for anything whatsoever.

The top two win an autographed copy of New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer, autographed by Bill Maher. The next three, assuming there are that many entries, win a poster like the above autographed by Bill Maher. If you don't win, you can always go buy a Blue Gal Bumper Sticker to make yourself happy.

No hard feelings, Bill. And even though your publicist didn't ask me to say it, Bill Maher returns Friday, August 25 at 11 pm on HBO. I won't be watching, 'cause I don't have cable or even TV in my house. It's crap! I mean, Jesu Christi! How many times do we have to watch a fuckin' house get redecorated? But Bill, I'll watch whatever Crooks or One Good Move puts up, promise.

UPDATE: Got on the phone with Captain Dyke tonight and she had the idea of a photoshop contest with the above poster:

"Pin the Panties on Bill Maher."

Oh man, we are gonna make the Chevy Tahoe people feel they got off easy. It's not eligible for prizes, but if you send me photoshops I'm gonna post every goddamn one of 'em.

Crossposting at Kos, Bill!

Don't Sugarcoat It Award for August 9

Many of you know the satirical, but don't tell anyone website Conservatives for American Values, who win the most recent Don't Sugarcoat It Award for their lovely post:

Israel Has the Right to Kill Everyone

Guys, this is your best post since "Ending the Women's Suffrage Experiment." Congratulations!

The sad part is, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson's CBN Network are pretty much saying the same thing.

Falwell tries to sugarcoat it, but this award is for NOT doing that, Jerry:

Understanding Bible Prophecy can help you become a more confident Christian because knowing "how the story ends" will help you realize that God has EVERYTHING under control!

...he says in a post entitled "March to Armageddon." Huh?

Here's a history lesson you may have missed:

A major display of the Christian Right’s support for Israel was the 2002 Road to Victory conference, organized by the Christian Coalition and quite unlike any previous Road to Victory conference. The keynote speaker was Ehud Olmert, then mayor of Jerusalem, who was invited to address the Solidarity with Israel rally. The galaxy of right-wing stars appearing at the conference either in person or through video included, former House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX), former chair of the foreign relations committee Senator Jesse Helms (R-NC), Lt. Col. Oliver North, Alan Keyes, former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, and former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

...Christian Zionism can easily spill over into religious bigotry against Muslims....[In addition,] Gershom Gorenberg points out that for Christian Zionists, Jews are actors in a play where the final curtain forces them to either convert to Christianity or die in a blaze of fire sent by God.

From Right Web

And what a nice choice for the Jews that is!

Let's not sugarcoat it: these Christian Zionists are the wackiest and most dangerous people on the planet. Their version of Christianity has nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus, and I fart in their general direction.



"This is for you, Jerry Falwell, you stoopid phoney-Christian knigggiggit!"


Update: As if you didn't know, Blue Gal loves Crooks and Liars, especially Mike.

Memo to Lieberman

Blogger has a scheduled outage at 4:00PM PDT. In case you've moved your campaign website. Lamont has nothing to do with it, but you might want to ask Rupert.

I'm sure your campaign denounces stereotypes whereever they live, but why did you hire this guy to recover your server?



If there ever was a no-date all nighter zombie from his mother's basement. Honestly.

Joe? Did Blue Gal just stoop to personal attacks? Don't get me started, Joe.

Busy Busy Busy sticks to the issues. We hate you for a reason, Joe. Several, in fact.

Not using the word "soap opera," or apologizing for same, ever again. That's what politics IS. So we're just gonna laugh at it, repeatedly.

I think I'm losing it.

Maybe it's the weather. We are not going to talk about the weather. Maybe it's sleep deprivation. But today on Norbizzy I actually endorsed John McCain.

It's just that with the way things are going, Bob Ney bowing out, Kansas School Board kicked out, our boy Delay having to face the voters, it's looking very good for our side. So THEN what do we do? Norbizness says there will be ample opportunity for mirth, and sure, there are plenty of Dems who take Themselves Too Seriously, but what is more important?

The blog

or

Our planet?
The nation?
The future?

I'm not sure McCain is the best target for bloggers. I'd really love it if Katherine Harris would aim a little higher, ya know? Even Sean Hannity for President. 'Kay I just had to Google Blog Search that one. Too bad Conservative Guy 101 has deleted his blog, 'cause he thinks "hannity" would make a great president (sic) in 08' (sic) because "He believes in securing the boarders" (sic). Those pesky boarders, always eating the last piece of American cheese and not paying their part of the phone bill on time. They need to be secured. First and last month's rent, or kick them south of the boarder!

See what I mean? It's too easy. Am I just lazy? Crazy?

Nah, it's sleep deprivation. I'll be better in the morning.

Book Review Bonus: Douglas Coupland's Eleanor Rigby

Due to a little overbooking incident, Southwest Airlines is putting up Camp Blue Gal in Chicago this evening, in a motel which has...gasp...high speed DSL! The flight here from Seattle was looong. I finished a book and wrote a review for the blog on the plane today, so here ya go.

I only wish I'd known ahead of time I was gonna be in The Windy City. I would have invited Paul the Spud and Franklin to have a beer on me. Do the gay bars in Chicago have a "bring a plump straight housewife" night? It's getting to the point where I might pass as yer Mom. Gawd.

Say what you like about just how Bad Things Are, one of the tender mercies of our time is that we live in a great age for fiction (not talking causes for war here). Many of us discovered wunderkind author Douglas Coupland with his stellar debut Generation X (1991), in which he defined and decryed the economic and social second-class citizenship of those of us born just after the baby boom. We Gen Xers have always had one distinct advantage over the boomers--hey, we're younger than you! Bwa ha ha! But a now older (and aren't we all) Douglas Coupland reveals in his latest novel those universals that no generation can escape: loneliness, mortality, and those constant "what ifs" that keep us revisiting our past.

The plot of Eleanor Rigby is very similar to another bittersweet production of 2005, the film Transamerica. Both of these works play with the idea of "mothers discovering long lost sons." There is also in these works a transformative action. In the movie it is both the cross-country journey and Bree's sex change. In the book there are different journeys and different transformations. Both works are equally terrific and Blue Gal recommended.

Back to the book. Liz Dunn is a cubicle office worker at a faceless company. She has lived alone her whole life and has very little to show us except a drab condo and a bland commute.

"I feel like that one Scrabble tile that has no letter on it. I'm a Styrofoam puff used in packaging. I'm a napkin at McDonald's. I'm invisible tape."

When the Hale Bopp Comet appears in the sky, she resolves to change her life. Almost instantly, she meets her long lost son Jeremy, a 20 something she conceived on a high school trip to Italy. Jeremy, a victim of both MS and a party-drug habit, contacts her from a hospital bed, and Liz takes him on more from a sense of desperation with her own life than from maternal instinct.

Much of Eleanor Rigby is classic Coupland: the meaningless office work and even more meaningless office relationships, real and imagined things falling from the sky, and sharp humor in odd situations. Only Coupland could find both grace and humor in a German prison cell where the prisoner only knows what time it is by how much sugar is in the current meal--breakfast is sweet.

Coupland sets himself to the huge task of saying Something about Big Things: life, death, family, loneliness, God and the Universe, in the confines of a sweet little book with a heroine we're not sure we like on page one. That we love her at the end, and have also learned unexpected lessons about the Big Somethings, is testament to Copeland's mature, lean prose, and remarkable talent.