My kid prays about the oil spill

Mom, how is it going with the oil spill?

Still pretty bad, maybe you could say a prayer about it.

[bows his head] Dear God, I hope the government can clean up all the oil and send BP to jail!

Oh honey, it's time to take up a hobby....

...like tic tac toe or something. The latest issue of Esquire prints a letter to the editor:

Dear Esquire:

Your publication is a sexist load of crap.

Shove it up your $@!, creeps.

Thank you for sharing that with Esquire Magazine [redacted] [Let's hope she uses her maiden name on E-Harmony. ]

Creepiest TV moment in all of history - Glenn Beck reads his journal to Sarah Palin

I usually don't post plain ol' video from other sources, but gawd. I just had to share. Video originally found at Gawker.

I was sorely tempted this morning when I realized that the more I watch Sarah Palin, the less I identify myself as a "Christian." If "Christian" means you can completely ignore Truth, capital T, in exchange for ideology, count me out.

But then I had a quiet, prayerful moment with my Lord and Savior and I felt much better:

A convenient post-workout snack

I love the "reviewer" who said, "Good, but not the best Pop-Tarts I’ve had."

I actually do have better things to do today than Google Pop-Tarts images.

Holy mother of gawd, do you know just how many varieties of Pop Tarts there are? I'm actually amazed that some neocon hasn't pointed out that the Islamofascists hate us for our toaster pastries.

No, really and truly, I actually do have better things to do today than Google Pop-Tarts images.

Okay. Kill me now.


..

Just gotta say.

Fuck Wal-Mart and their panties. And not in a sexy way. (h/t qwerty)

Update: we're openin' the can of whoop-ass. Good on us.



..

Abstinence Movement Seeks Male Models

Okay, okay. The image above is from an old issue of The Onion. And yeah I admitted in 2006 that I find men who look like him attractive. Oh well. (And in related Onion news, "Bar Scene Also Tired of Area Batchelor." ) But what's below is for real:

Thank you for your interest in modeling under a one-year contract with the Worth the Wait Revolution Modeling Troupe. We know that your life will never be the same after this year of service with the Worth the Wait Revolution! We are currently looking for fresh new faces of MEN to join the team of individuals that are committed to representing sexual purity with contemporary style and urban class.

Apply here and let me know how walking down the catwalk, with contemporary style and urban class...for a year...with model-caliber (a.k.a. teh hott) women who haven't had any sex yet...works out for ya.

Whatever drugs Celine Dion is taking, I want none.

No, you don't have to click on the USAToday link (yeah I'm still at the hotel does it show?). Here's the money shots:

"I had a vision. I was in the front row at the Academy Awards with my mother, husband and son, and I won an Oscar for my role as Maria Callas..."

The song This Time finds the Vegas showstopper slipping into the skin of an abuse victim. She calls the tune her "Janis Joplin moment" and can't resist breaking into a verse.

"I admire Martha Stewart so much," she says. "With her arts and crafts. Making cupcakes, and then she's got time to write the names of each guest on each one."

I note parenthetically that both Janis Joplin and Maria Callas had enough class not to share their f-ing cupcake place holder ideas.

Blue Gal gets cut.

Dear BlogRush. I would put this image at the top of my blogpost, but I have standards. I don't ever show a woman wearing panties at my blog because, well, I'm a prude.

Blogrush doesn't like the blog you're reading.

They emailed me the following:

We regret to inform you that your BlogRush Account has been made INACTIVE because your blog did not pass our Quality Review criteria. You will find instructions below for making your account active again.

We recently reviewed your blog(s) located at:
http://bgalrstate.blogspot.com

We determined that your blog did not meet our strict quality guidelines. Please do not take this personally but realize that we must abide by a very strict set of quality guidelines. (They are listed below.)

If you feel you have made the necessary changes to your blog(s) to meet our guidelines, you can resubmit your blog(s) for review after this date:
Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The primary reason(s) your blog(s) did not meet our guidelines:
Inappropriate Content Or Advertising:
Obscene or Disgusting

Pardon me while I laugh my ass off.

I musta been the picture of Bush and Condi. That's the only explanation.

And I totally concur that one can be obscene without showing any flesh:



You see? I showed a lot of restraint in the choice of that picture. There's a lot more flesh showing in the Abu Gahraib flickr set.

And one can be disgusting without mentioning sex. Three words: Ken Mehlman dances. (Points to commenters who tell us what dance he's doing.)



Or one can just be funny and sexual and adult and honest and still not be offensive. I think this is hilarious:



And one can always let an angry baby do the talking for you. Here you go, Blog whatever the hell your name was:



Perhaps I am unique in seeing no inconsistency between my love for Baby Jesus and my public denunciation of our current leadership as a bunch of a sociopathic fascist fucking assholes.

And so sorry, I don't think some start-up traffic increasing widget company is going to change my mind.

Some things are just too much, even for this blog.

I may run a picture of a hot dog thong, but I will not, not, not, run pictures of Larry Craig's Super Tuber, his favorite recipe involving a hot dog and a baked potato.

And he calls it a "snack." Really, Larry.

But I will link to the images as a courtesy to my readers.

Warning: microwaved hot dogs tend to explode at the tip if you leave them in too long. Probably better to roast them outdoors.

Which begs the question: do you dip the hot dog in the sour cream before or after you shove it in the baked potato?

Why did I even start thinking about this? Really.

My new bra.

It's really pretty. (actual scan)



But I had to crack up at the attached product tag:



I mean, first of all, this is my first "push up" anything. It appears that cantilever technology has advanced to the point that the weight-support-to-volume-ratios have increased dramatically. It's one helluva engineering problem, trust me.

But honestly, what kind of bra marketing geniuses would use verbage usually reserved for, um, skateboarding? To describe a woman's undergarment? Oh nevermind, I found them:



Yeah this is supposed to be a panties blog and sure I got the matching panties but you'll never see them here.

Connect the dots.

Um. Not that Barney.

The deal is that a Dubai-owned firm has purchased Barney's New York.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates, is the country that is too

Arab

foreign

non-American

to own and operate a port inside the United States. Our friend Frist and others "feared giving a state-owned Arab company control of U.S. port terminals would threaten national security."

But I guess it's perfectly okay if "potential terrorists" dress the cast from the Sex and the City Movie.

Oops. Somebody replaced the low-fat hummus at the National Review Party with...

Vaseline. Smile, everybody!



You guys know I don't usually link to her but Pammy. Anyone with your marketing background ought to know that if you want to sell a calendar, you might actually want to know how to spell "calendar." And any product that you advertise with

"Gorgeous Calender with Atlas, Bolton, Cheney, Newt, Kaufman, SWIMSUITS too."

I just don't think I could turn the page from one month to the next.


hat tip: Instaputz (yeah they went with the obvious exclamation and it fits) via Blogenfreude.