Tuesday, July 24
Thinking out(ed) loud....
Sorry this post is late today. It’s gorgeous outside.
It’s okay. I’ve been kinda sorta outed.
It hadda happen sometime, especially since I got a new laptop courtesy of some amazing readers, along with a webcam, and then actually started using them.
One of the reasons Manila Ryce worked so hard on the animated Blue Gal was to protect my quasi-anonymity. I call it “quasi” because almost anyone, and particularly fellow bloggers, who wrote to me to say “I like your blog” were given access to my real name right away.
Yesterday Crooks and Liars was kind enough to post the 35 Percenters Kucinich healthcare video. Readers who knew me also knew that I had submitted a question to the Youtube CNN debate, and they intimated at Crooks that this was the real Blue Gal. Everyone was very complimentary and flattering but at least in that comment thread, there went my anonymity.
I’ve been gradually shedding that anonymity for quite a while now, anyway, but maybe it’s time to do it altogether.
One of the reasons I haven’t is that I’ve harbored hopes of attaining a teaching position in Alabama Public Schools. To do this I would definitely have to hide the blog.
Why would I want a job where I have to hide the blog? I love teaching. That’s why.
But two years later and no teaching job even remotely close to my home (I won’t drive for hours, coach girl’s volleyball, or teach in Hell, thanks much) that dream seems permanently deferred.
I saw a counselor this summer who pointed out to me that when I talk about this here blog, my face completely changes, and I become happy, animated, proud, vibrant, and full of some life force that just makes me come alive with passion and energy. He said that if I could bring that kind of face to an interview I would get hired in a snap.
But what if I have to hide the blog to do it?
I’m sick of hiding the blog. It’s me. What if… What if… I could find an employer who said, OMG she’s Blue Gal? Two circles and a snap! Hire that woman!
Yeah and maybe I’ll win the lottery while monkeys fly outta my butt. Except that a number of people have told me it can happen.
I’ve lived long enough to know that when you make a decision to commit to something regardless of what the world says you SHOULD do or SHOULD want, the world actually steps aside and lets you fulfill your commitment. Facing your fear and doing it anyway is empowering.
I don't want this decision to be based on vanity. Period.
The big fear I have really has nothing to do with what happens to me. It has to do with what happens to this blog. Some readers have said to me rather directly that the mystery of Blue Gal is part of its appeal. I would hate to mess with the “brand” of Blue Gal to the detriment of the blog’s success. And if going public is dependent on how telegenic I am or how much I am willing to pimp myself at the expense of good writing and sharp edged wit, I’m not interested. I’m terrified, actually, of becoming the liberal Pammy Atlas. Even though children on the street tell me I look like Nigella Lawson and one friend compared me favorably to… Claudia Cardinale? (Um, btw, that friend is blind, I tell you. Blind.)
I'll type it again: I don't want this decision to be based on vanity. Period.
So today I throw this out to my readers. What happens to Blue Gal if the woman in this video shows up here from time to time? What other lessons are there to learn from NOT being anonymous? And particularly as a woman blogger, I know from the experience of other women that safety has to be a concern, too.
Please, even if you’ve never commented here before, do this for me. Let me know what you think either way. Thank you very much.
permalink 6:20 PM