Thursday, November 2

Are some topics inappropriate for blogging?

Well, not if you have The Aristocrats.

See, I blog here every day. But when I find something that is off-color, might offend, or is just over the top, I post it over there. My fellow Aristocrats, three wonderful guys named Paul, Mark, and Sandy Underpants (the shy 'Ristie) tolerate my over-the-topness with sense of mild bemusement, and unlike many women who are on the internet with three guys at once, I've never been subjected to that "gagging's good, baby" mumbo-jumbo. 'Nuff said.

So yesterday I took a chance and posted about tampons. Not just regular tampons, but Christmas Angel Ornaments made out of tampons.

Now you've got to admit that is adorable.>>>>>>

For your information, tampons can be purchased in a box of 40, which is just enough angels for a six-foot tree with lights.

Oh. You can read the tampon post here. I was a little worried that the boys might get mad at me for taking over and making Aristocrats into a Christmas Craft blog but to their amazing credit Mark and Sandy didn't even blink. (Paul is recovering from surgery and I didn't want to call him about the tampon thing. Also, he might celebrate Kwanza, and Toni Morrison's book of tampon crafts isn't out yet.)

Sandy said:

I stayed up late last night and created a parallel universe entirely from tampons. it's just like this universe except tampon John Kerry is an ice cream truck driver.

And Mark said:

I went to a Christmas party once where the tree was decorated with tampons AND reefers. Sure you had to be careful about what you smoked, but there was also the possibility that you could have the best period ever.

Speaking of best periods ever, emailing back and forth about my wonderful co-bloggers with another one, Captain Dyke, I was pleased to see that a number of menstrual product-placement experts have given Gmail Adsense a try. And given that hey, I clicked on all the ads in preparation for this post, they'll probably put up lots more period-cork and douchebag ads in the future, so I'd be careful about emailing anyone about Prince Charles or Rahm Emanuel, if I were you.

Did you know that Playtex has just come out with a "Sport Tampon"? So that while you are having your period, you can still do this:

I dunno if I can wait an entire twenty-eight days to try that, because I can't do that on my okay days, if you know what I mean.

But Playtex Sport Tampons are not for me because I object on ecology grounds to a plastic applicator. (Okay girls, I realize it's just you and me for the rest of this post; frankly, I think we lost most of the men back at the 40-to-a-box statement. Moving on.) For the real ecology minded set, there are cotton pads that are washable, and this site is so supportive that they not only sell them, they give you a pattern so you can sew your own. So we come full circle to the craft blog thing again. I love the care instructions:

Machine dry or hang to dry. Iron if you want.

My Neighborhood Association by-laws forbid line drying of clothing, though they don't mention menstrual pads specifically. And yeah, to relax, I'm going to iron my menstrual pads in my spare time.


  1. Guitar picks and tampons are interesting.

    They both come in the same sizes: light, medium, medium heavy, heavy, and extra heavy.

    For those days when light won't work, medium isn't enough, and you need something heavy for ultra-precise plucking.

    Or something like that.

  2. Or you could post pseudo-intellectual feminist art.

    A tampon in a tea-cup?

    And what does this represent?

  3. Anonymous12:59 PM

    I will only add that a Tampon Jesus might have some significance if the palms of his hands...


    Can't say it without gagging... Sorry.

    See? This is what happens when you post on subjects such as tampons. It's not my fault that that image came to me! :>)

  4. Tsk Tsk,

    You forgot Organic Tampons !

    Yes Organics go everywhere

  5. Reminds me of friend of my brother - who is a comedian and had a gig to appear at Zanies - a local comedy club.

    Part of his routine was to complain about why and how one gets to local nicknames - Like calling folks from New York...New Yorkers, or from Oklahoma...Oklahomans.

    Why the different ending...and why folks are called Hoosiers.

    He continued by having the audience call out the designation for certain places...until he leads them right into the punch line:

    "...And what do you call people who live in Tampa?"

    And before the audience realizes it...they are all screaming out:


    It was funny..but perhaps ya had to be there!

  6. Blue Gal - I warned you that combining snark with DIY craftiness is addicting.

    But it does make me wonder what happens when Uncle Louie spills his eggnog.



    PS - you did not lose me at all. But I doubt I could use this at ReadyMade.

  7. Of COURSE you have to iron your reusable pads. Because if you're in an accident, you wouldn't want the doctor to think ill of your housekeeping...

  8. Anonymous5:16 PM

    "Okay girls, I realize it's just you and me for the rest of this post"

    Wait, wait, wait! You're a girl?

  9. Did you know that Playtex has just come out with a "Sport Tampon"? So that while you are having your period, you can still do this:

    What's it got in it...habanero pepper? That is about the only thing I can think of that would make me do that on my period days.

  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  11. Good God! I can remember being horrified, two or three decades ago (okay, closer to three) when a college friend described the tampon ads on European TV. Seemed they dropped those suckers in a glass of water to show how absorbent they were. This was back when you didn't see bra ads on US TV unless the model had on a shirt underneath.

    Now they're makin' toys out of those suckers.

    Never could wear tampons -- something about the tilt of some internal organ or another -- but they fascinate me. The dress is cute. And, yes, I've just been to my favorite Mexican restaurant and had me a great ol' big margarita, or I probably wouldn't be typing this stuff. :)

  12. This is great! Reminds me of the scene in G.I. Jane where O'Neill moves into the boys' barracks and Slovnick is hysterical about "TAMPAX! Don't you care about the tampax!"

  13. Never have a found a discussion on tampons and periods so enthralling. I feel so fresh and active. Thanks, BG!

  14. Anonymous7:31 PM

    I sooo needed the laughs and loved your site so much that I'm sharing it with my internet list tomorrow (4,000+ members) Great Job and Thanks!


I really look forward to hearing what you have to say. I do moderate comments, but non-spam comments will take less than 24 hours to appear... Thanks!