Leave a message at the tone...

Word is out that Hillary Clinton will be phoning liberal bloggers sometime in the near future, ya know, to find out from the people how to run her successful campaign. Blue Gal imagines this will be much like her "listening tour" of New York when she came in as a carpetbagger.

Speaking of carpetbaggers, William Weld, who gets the "Republicans Blue Gal Loves" medal because he's written more books than Dubya has read (ever), he stood up against the Clinton impeachment, and oh, you know, the intelligence thing, is simply too tall to be Governor of New York. Blue Gal has been book shopping with Mr. Weld, and she oughta know.

Miiiz Clinton hasn't called Blue Gal yet, but when she does, BG will have just one respectful, deferential question for the former First Lady:

How will the Democratic Party ever survive the fact that people hate you?

Go 'head, click on the word of your choice. Or you can Google "please don't run" and "Hillary" and get, aw, a couple hundred hits in 0.67 seconds.

An important safety tip from Blue Gal

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO OPERATE A MOTOR VEHICLE OR OTHER HEAVY MACHINERY WHILE LISTENING TO NPR COVERAGE OF THE JOHN ROBERTS CONFIRMATION HEARINGS. Severe drowsiness may result.

As Jon Stewart (deity) says, "The Senators likee the blah, blah, blah."

With apologies to the more foaming at the mouth leftie bloggers out there, Blue Gal can't find a reason to vote against John Roberts. That's the problem. But Mr. Roberts can be a semi-finalist in the Blue Gal "intelligence is an aphrodisiac" awards show, his I/A score is a solid 7 on a scale of ten, points off for the helmet hair-do.

Blue Gal need not mention that the leader of the free world can't go potty without permission. Blue Gal can't figure Dubya out: hasn't he been pissing on the UN out in the open for about five and a half years?

Dear Foaming At The Mouth Leftie Bloggers--Nina Totenberg (goddess) is right: The repeal of Roe is the best thing that could happen to the left since Vietnam. Only the return of the draft would radicalize middle America more. And it ain't gonna happen, cause then every Senator on that panel and Roberts his own damn self, would hafta send his daughter, er, okay, GRANDdaughter, to Norway if she forgot to take her pill.

By the way, Blue Gal's "don't sugarcoat it" award for today goes to Neil the Monster for his lovely tome, "Now Resign, You Incompetent Bastard."

You know "re-framing" has gone too far...

Many of Blue Gal's readers are familiar with the work of George Lakoff, author of "Don't Think of an Elephant!" He's the guy who has made "re-framing" language a core tenet of the current Democratic leadership. It seems to work too, if the recent Social Security debate/debacle is any clue. By taking the Republican's "reform" and "crisis" statements and responding with "privatization" and "Wall Street", the Democrats have actually won one with the American public. Ditto the filibuster rule: Democrats turned a Republican demand for a "procedural up-or-down vote" into "changing the rules in the middle of the game." Again, the American public bought the dem's words hands down.

But now Blue Gal has come across a copy of "The Libertarian Communicator," and an article by Alan Korwin [author of that one hit wonder "Supreme Court Gun Cases"] called "17 Words and Phrases You Should Never Use When Debating Gun Rights."

The sidebar to this article is obviously straight outta the Lakoff boilerplate:

"In this article, best-selling author and gun law expert Alan Korwin provides specific examples of how language can win--or lose--for you on the gun issue. But this article is much more than that--it's about creating a philosophy of word usage. It's a great starting point for examining your own word choices, on this and every other important issue."

The words and their doublespeak translations made Blue Gal laugh her panties off. You can read the whole list at Korwin's site here, but Blue Gal's favorites are:

Don't say "gun control," say "crime control."
Don't say "junk guns," say "the affordability issue."
Don't say "the powerful gun lobby," say "civil rights organizations." I guess that's just in case you get yer NRA mixed up with yer ACLU and yer NAACP.

And BLUE GAL'S ABSOLUTE FAVORITE:

Don't say "assault weapon," say "household firearm."

That's such a coincidence, because Blue Gal has always kept her assault weapons under the kitchen sink right next to the Mop n' Glo. She feels safer that way.

'Kay that was a good laugh. But we liberal bloggers, especially those addicted to Katrina coverage, need to go here. Now. We've got some re-framing to do.

Surf's up

Blue Gal is surfing the member blogs of the Impeach Bush Coalition.

One of the members actually lectured Blue Gal!:

i do hope that readership is not the goal... of course, we ALL want to be read but i would encourage you to focus on putting out the truth as you see it and let the readership follow...

What? Pundit bloggers seeking readership through political theatrics? Perish the thought!

Blue Gal is almost old enough to remember The Chicago Seven. They figured out, kids, that it's all theatrics. May the Yippies return with full force! Oh, and I'll be in trouble if I don't plug hubby's book right here.

Anyhow. Stunted Growth has a very nice photo set on Flikr, all related to impeach the prez. I'm sure he'll let you steal with credit (SWC).

And Neil the Monster offers a perspective from across the pond, especially as refers to those icky ID cards.

Now some readers might think it's strange that people from ENGLAND want to see Bush impeached. Those same readers need to remember that Tony Blair would sound a lot more intelligent if his lips were not glued to Dubya's butt.

Where to cut some slack, and where not to...

These are not Blue Gal's children. She stole the photo from the internet.

Dear Children of the Liberal Blogosphere,

Blue Gal, your very own self-appointed mother, asks that you please calm down about George Will. Yes, yes, over seventeen hundred of you have linked to Hullabaloo because of his elegant use of the f word. But Mommy wants you to switch to inside voices, now.

Blue Gal's mother, who is not such an authority except she seems to know Everything about Everybody, says George Will has a child with Down Syndrome. Those of us who have either lost a child, have a child with a disability, or spent thousands to conceive a child, have very little patience with "those who get pregnant by accident when they can't afford a child in the first place." Blue Gal speaks from her own experience.

Yes, George Will is one of The Enemy, and there is hypocrisy here, he is not advocating free abortions for black women, naturally. He's actually not saying anything Bill Cosby hasn't said before him. But still, Blue Gal will cut Mr. Will some slack, say a prayer for disabled children everywhere, and bow her head in gratitude that she has three happy children, one with "special needs" who nevertheless aced his math test Friday.

Mr. Will, now that I've cut you this slack, I'd like to put you in a room with say, oh, eight or nine single black women, well-educated and childless. They did what you said. Finished high school and delayed child bearing and marriage. They even went to college. Talk to them, Mr. Will. Ask them their opinion about the availability of eligible black men. They are your poster women, Mr. Will. Ask them. Heck, ask one. Isn't Condi in your Rolodex?

Blue Gal would appreciate a little more demography to our arguments, children. In 1986 Robert MacNeil did a very nice job with The Story of English, and in it he explored the expansion of English dialects along socioeconomic lines, particularly as it related to dialects being formed when a man with one dialect married a woman with another. The mish mash meant the children spoke a new way, see? But Robert MacNeil threw away the most important line in the whole show as a voiceover: couples throughout history have generally not married until they can afford a house. Economic opportunity is a snake biting its own tail: marriages in the underclass will not occur until they can afford housing, and out of wedlock births keep many in poverty. It's called a "vicious cycle" for a reason.

Blue Gal thinks that's why there are so many older men, over fifty, who now have very young children running around. Thank goodness we don't need a visual of Rod Stewart to prove it. Blue Gal herself is raising children with a man who just got his first Social Security check. Why would bodacious babes like Blue Gal reproduce with an old man? Could his having a house have something to do with it? Don't get me wrong, Blue Gal loves her daddy, I mean, old man, I mean, hottie hunk. There we go.

For those of you addicted to the statistics thing, check this out.

Adults without a high school education are less likely to report having had an abortion than those with at least some college or more. Among females who have ever had a pregnancy, 15 percent of those without a high school education had had an abortion compared to 26 percent of college graduates.

This proves beyond any doubt that one of the best ways to reduce the number of abortions in America is to stop damn women from going to college! Giblets would approve! What about Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly, and company?

Or we could work on affordable housing and fair lending practices...naaaah.

Blue Gal thinks George Will wants women to go to college. George Will looks like he thinks intelligence is an aphrodisiac. Frankly, though they are on opposite ends of the political bed, Blue Gal would have his baby anytime.

For those of you who do not want to cut any slack, give a lissen to "George Bush don't like black people." This plump white housewife is jammin to this groooove!

George Bush don't like black people. (mp3)

Five damn days, five long days
And at the end of the fifth he walkin' in like "...Hey!"
Chillin' on his vacation, sittin patiently
Them black folks gotta hope, gotta wait and see...

He said, "I know it looks bad. Just have to wait."
Forgetting folks were too broke to evacuate
Niggas starving and they're dying of thirst.
I bet he had to go and check on them refineries first.

Making a killing off the price of gas.
He would have been up to Connecticut twice as fast
After all that we been through, nothing's changed
You can call Red Cross, but the fact remains that

George Bush ain't a gold digger,
but he ain't fuckin' with no broke niggas

Thanx to Temple of Me for the lyrics...

Go ahead, unplug.

September 11 is a great day to choose to unplug. Do take a break when you can from the bad news, even while you revel in Dubya finally getting his due.

Here are some things to do to take a break:

sp3ccylad has a really nice song download on his site. Smart, funny and warm, like himself.

Give a listen to Egg Radio. It must be okay, Blue Gal likes it.

Go shopping for lightbulbs. The right lightbulb, apparently, is more important than paper versus plastic. The politically correct lightbulbs look like the sex toy above.

And if all this seems far too lightweight when people are still suffering in Louisiana, go ahead and ponder why Blue Gal hates freedom.

You can also chuckle as Bill Maher demands a recall election, courtesy of Crooks and Liars.

Keep the faith.

Glory Days!

This just in from Blue Gal's favorite potential convict (Blue Gal bucks the conventional wisdom--Abu Gahrib would be good enough for 'im), Robert! Novak!!!

Rep. Christopher Shays of Connecticut is more liberal than nearly all his fellow Republicans, but he has tried to be a Bush loyalist. He is a member of the Homeland Security Committee and chairs the national security subcommittee of the Government Reform Committee. Consequently, it is noteworthy when he accuses the administration of "a real sense of arrogance. Loyalty and never admitting a mistake matters more than the truth. It has a Nixon feel to me."

After Blue Gal wondered aloud whether a "Nixon feel" was anything like a "Schwarzenegger grope", she realized, at long last, what that the empty feeling inside of her was...a longing for the glory days of...

Spiro Agnew!!!

Blue Gal is old enough to remember those halycon days of 1973, when being a former governor of Maryland actually meant something, usually an indictment. When saying "Nixon for President, Agnew for Vice" got a chuckle for everyone from Art Buchwald to Daniel Schorr. Old liberal farts everywhere are getting their panties in a wad, begging, praying to the beltway gods. Are we returning to the days of Nixon?

Has Laura turned to the bottle yet? That Katrina/Corina thing...might be Dry Sack. And with David Frost gone, who's gonna interview the impeached/resigned Shrub when he comes out with the multi-volume memoirs Karen Hughes is writing for him right now?

Blue Gal's new calling

Blue Gal has to issue a cease and desist order, courtesy of FEMA.

Only Fafblog is allowed to type in "Salvation Army" and then link it directly to Blue Gal. This is an exclusive arrangement between The Happy Pizza and Herself. Any mention of Blue Gal being a love slave, screaming "Watch this, Giblets!" while dressed in a sergeant's uniform, are spurious and will be denied at the highest level.


Practicing Restraint

Blue Gal will not comment on our Vice's epithet to Mr. Leahy on the Senate floor last year, nor will she comment that the same epithet was used on live television to the Vice recently in Gulfport, Mississippi. Blitzer & Cafferty have done this for her:

Cafferty: The vice-president said that was the first time he heard it. Didn't he utter the same phrase to Senator Patrick Leahy on the floor of the United States Senate?

Blitzer: Yes.

Cafferty: So it wasn't the first time he heard it.

Blitzer [carrying water]: The first time he heard it in the context of this trip.

Cafferty: You know what, I bet it's not the last. [thanks, Eschaton.]

When Giblets says it to Blue Gal, it's in the form of a petition, and Giblets always says "pretty please." Many in our leadership could learn a thing or two from Giblets.

Sweet...

Daily Kos, honey, you don't need to sugarcoat it. Tell us what you really think:

There's one particular conservative talking point that made the blastfax today that's been absolutely omnipresent: the entirely false premise that George W. Bush, man of the people, begged and pleaded with reluctant state officials to evacuate in front of the coming storm.

Horseshit.

One of the more spectacular results of this administration's insistence on lying about everything, all the time is that they never go to much trouble to make sure each lie matches the next. This is because, to use a scientific explanation, they are unrepentant syphilitic dog whores.

Riddle: What is Dubya's plan to help New Orleans?
Answer: He's gonna SPIN it dry. (oh that was just too easy.)

"Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky? That was inarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behavior. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina."
--Jon Stewart

So exactly how much is Bush paying Dick Morris? Found a childhood photo of him with Ann Coulter the other day:

Blue Gal was KIDDING!!!

[we interrupt this post for late breaking news]

OMG! Blue Gal posted a JOKE to some other blogs re waiting for Halliburton to get a no bid contract to clean up after Katrina.

I WAS KIDDING FOLKS! AHHHHGH!!!

Back to the broadcast...which was originally titled Exxpose Exxon.

Get your cool shirt at Demokratees.

Blue Gal's local Exxon station had regular at $3.19 until the Birmingham News said anything over $3.13 was gouging. $2.99 seems the universal fashion now. Blue Gal doesn't want gas to be cheap. But the profits should go to something like, oh, universal health insurance? How 'bout it? $4.50 a gallon and anybody who wants to can get Medicare?

Martian Anthropologist has more time to blog than Blue Gal, methinks. He beat me to it with his awards today. Al Franken in his book "Lies and the Lying Liars" has quite a riff on Barbara Bitch, I mean, Bush.

Blue Gal has a new hottie hero in Keith Olbermann. Needs Blue Gal's fingers to fluff up his hair tho. But the editorial gets a smooch: mmmmwah!

Let's add Crooks and Liars to the Blue Gal sidebar. Looks good there.

Mommy's tired

Blue Gal was up with an anxious three year old girl last night, a couple times, and has to change the sheets on her six year old's bed this morning (don't ask). So she was so delighted to come across beloved Garrison Keillor's ode to coffee. Without coffee Blue Gal could not have gotten the kids to school and without the kids to school Blue Gal would not be napping later this morning which she will do even after too much coffee. Heck, sometimes Blue Gal has a nice hot cup of the stuff right before her nap.

Gary also has a new book coming out, Good Poems for Hard Times. The times they are a changin', but of course we all have hard times and maybe someone will get a copy for our President.

Garrison Keillor was the first real author ever to put pen to postcard about Blue Gal. That was a lifetime ago. She wasn't Blue Gal then, just a much younger woman in line at the Harvard Coop and Mr. Keillor was signing, good God, Lake Wobegon Days. Her friend Mike, a shy person who always accused Blue Gal of being "effusive," sent her a postcard with nothing on it save the "Dear" and "Signed, Mike" so Mr. Keillor filled it in for him. "Dear Mike," he wrote, "She's lively, not effusive." May I ever be so.

Speaking of hard times for our President, BG's sure all her friends in the blogosphere will be linking to Andy Borowitz today. Good one, Andy.

Another movie recommendation...

Blue Gal's been watching movies. Gonna have to post a sidebar of links, later. But today's movie was 1975's Three Days of the Condor. Redford's sideburns have not stood the test of time, my dears.

But get a load of this dialogue. Told within the shadows of the then almost new World Trade Center buildings, which in the movie conveniently house CIA offices. Turner is Redford, the classic outsider CIA office bookworm. Higgins is Cliff Robertson, a CIA insider boss.

TURNER
Do we have plans to invade the Middle East?

HIGGINS
We have games, that's all. We play games. "What if...?" "How many
men...?" "What would it take...?" "Is there a cheaper way to destabilize a
regime?" That's what we're paid to do.

TURNER
So Atwood just took the games too seriously. He was really going to do
it, wasn't he? Supposing I hadn't stumbled on the plan? Say nobody
had?

HIGGINS
Different ball game. The fact is, there was nothing wrong with the plan.
Oh, the plan was alright. The plan woulda worked.

TURNER
Boy, what is it with you people? You think not getting caught in a lie is
the same thing as telling the truth?

HIGGINS
No. It's simple economics. Today, it's oil, right? In ten or fifteen years...
food. Plutonium. And maybe even sooner. Now, what do you think the
people are gonna want us to do then?

TURNER
Ask them.

HIGGINS
Not now. Then. Ask them when they're running out. Ask them when there's no heat in their homes and they're cold. Ask them when their engines stop. Ask them when people who've never known hunger start going hungry. You wanna know something? They won't want us to ask them. They'll just want us to get it for them.*

How 'bout ask them after a hurricane? How 'bout when gas gets over three dollars a gallon? I remember the first time I saw this movie years ago, thinking, God, Higgins is so right. And watching again today, when Turner asked "Do we have plans to invade the Middle East?"

Plans? Plans? Plans?

Was there a cheaper way to destabilize that regime, Mr. President? Was one, only one, nasty dictator worth the lives of those soldiers? You son of a bitch? Oh wait, Blue Gal's fergitin her ladylikeness and the reminder from one reader that God is reading her blog.

That's right. Blue Gal must remember that GOD is reading her blog.

Blue Gal does not want Fafnir and Giblets to read her blog, let alone any higher deities. Deities have much more important thangs to do!

...well. This gubment's gonna topple folks. And 2008 is just around the corner.

Will it be any better WHEN the democrats win? Oh ma hunnies, can it get any worse?

*[Thanks to Ronald Bruce Mayer for the quotes and analysis from 2002]

Comments?

Blue Gal also administers a mini blog to remember a friend of hers who died this past February.

This week that blog got spammed by someone looking for "internet friends" who could only reach him through his cyber casino site. Yeah, on a blog for a dead person.

So Blue Gal has turned on comment verification, and will also delete any comments over 250 words, those that are unrelated to the post at hand, or that provide long quotations from scripture, the Joy of Cooking, or the Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Please do not paste comments from a pre-composed Word document into Blue Gal's blog. Blue Gal can smell Word from her laptop.

Thank you so very much.

Movie Previews

Blue Gal and her darling husband went to see "Constant Gardener" this aft...a movie that proves beyond a doubt that Ralph Fiennes is still pretty, even if squalid Africa isn't. Also, that Bill Nighy and Pete Postlethwaite steal movies without even trying.

But the reel news was in the previews, with George Clooney's lovely timing for "Good Night and Good Luck," a drama about Edward R. Murrow vs. McCarthy. They used the real McCarthy for this one, and preview audiences said he was overacting. Go figure. Blue Gal's daughters would never be allowed a thousand feet from George Clooney, but she admires that naughty boy sooo much for what looks like a wonderful kick in the kidneys for the Patriot Act and other Dubya silliness.

Oh, and he hired Robert Downey, Jr. Blue Gal would like to rehabilitate that boy. Personally.

Condi went shoe shopping this week.

Blue Gal can't stop laughing, again. And they're keeping Karl Rove on because he is such a public relations g-e-n-i-u-s!

Click on the title above to read on. Too bad we can't get pix of the new shoes, yet.

Oh God.

***

Debating in the blogosphere today about whether God sent Katrina to punish Nawlins for being so naughty.

Blue Gal does not care about such theological shenanigans. Why not consult with the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Oh, but Blue Gal longs for the days gone by when we could just ask Bob.

OH, HECK. Blue Gal is forgetting her theological training again. Sorry. Rain falls on the just and the unjust, folks, whether it destroys a house or ends a drought. God was not in the wind, HE IS in the "still small voice." Yes, the one that's telling you to donate to the Red Cross.

Yet "Bring It On", the newest site on the Blue Gal Sidebar, makes for a pretty scary case that Katrina targeted Blue counties over Red. That oughta make those "Christian" right wingers happy.

Click on the image to order it as a t-shirt and other stuff. Blue Gal does not profit from these sales, she just steals their pictures for her blog.

Kill your television.

Blue Gal's house has donated to Katrina relief. If John Kerry did not personally email you the list of charities, go here.

Now that you've done that, good little children, it's time to turn off the television. The news networks are covering Katrina because it's good television. Why when the hurricane is hitting and citizens are being evacuated and everyone is supposed to seek shelter are reporters and cameramen outside? Because it's good television.

Children, "good television" is an evil oxymoron. Where is the Downing Street Memo? Where is Karl Rove? Okay, all you compassion junkies who are trolling the blogosphere to pass judgment on those bloggers who are "insensitive" to the victims, why did we not help enough in Darfur? It's because...these are no longer good television.

Blue Gal almost cried to see looters, desperate for everyday needs, stealing food and diapers. But Blue Gal's heart broke when she saw looters stealing televisions. People who have no house or electricity still know the power of the plug-in drug.

Have you watched (oh, that word) Fahrenheit 451? Not 9/11, children, but the original, which many of you do not know was used to name the anti-Bush documentary. You did not know this, Michael Moore's the pity. Go rent this movie and turn off Fox and CNN and see where our world might go, where it is now. Julie Christie watches an interactive Queer Eye and it is scaaaary.

Open your window on the world, please. Stop looking at the electric box. Stop. Turn it off. Off. Now.

One more thang...

Have we blogged the Pat Robertson thang to death yet? My, the bloggers jumped all over that one like flies to a dead carcass. Well, anyhoo, The Lord works in mysterious ways and He musta been chuckling at those politically sophisticated folks who think about Christianity, two, mebbe three times a year, and who never pray and who never before blogged about religion, but who all of a sudden want to proclaim to the blogosphere that Pat Robertson is a damn hypocrite. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It's amusing because the Lord knows that all of us, believers and non-believers, Christian Lefties, commie lefties, and the Religious Right, all of us are committed to peace and non-violence, right? Uh, right?

Wait a minute. Is that a trick question?



...And what is wrong with this one?

Public Service Announcements

Would you like to see an animated video of how pregnancy happens? Here ya go.

And I would like to know if this shirt is as offensive or more offensive than what Pat Robertson did this week.

Thanks to daily dose of insanity for the links.

Yesterday, it was Pat Robertson. Today, this story made Blue Gal laugh out loud.

Also thinking a lot about Comrade Jesus today. Maybe he's giving Pat Robertson a call:

Pat Robertson, you make me wee my panties!

You may not know it, but Blue Gal is a believing Christian. I love that sermon on the mount shit. Really. This from Wilkipedia:

Probably the best-known portion is the Beatitudes, found at the beginning of the section. It also contains the Lord's Prayer and the injunctions to "resist not evil" and "turn the other cheek", as well as Jesus's version of the Golden Rule. Other lines often quoted are the references to "salt of the Earth" "light of the world," and "judge not, lest ye be judged." Many Christians believe that the Sermon on the Mount is a form of commentary (midrash) on the Ten Commandments.To many the Sermon on the Mount contains the central tenets of Christian discipleship, and is considered as such by many religious and moral thinkers, such as Tolstoy and Gandhi.

So Pat Robertson wants the US to assassinate the President of Venezuela. He said so on television. Blue Gal is not making this up. IN FACT, Blue Gal can't stop laughing. Pat Robertson, when was the last time you read your New Testament, huh?

Oh, and to those who don't want us lefties to play the children card, (see comments to previous posts) once again Martian Anthropologist makes interesting reading today, tho' not for the faint of heart.

Some have claimed that the blogosphere just allows all of us to read those who agree with our own views. Look, Blue Gal is linking to Aljazeera.net and showing a picture of Pat Robertson's new world order book!

One more thing: let's all Google "Downing Street Memo" and "Valerie Plame" just for old time's sake.

Four more years? Uh, look again at your Barbie dream watch...

Blue Gal just loooves The New York Times. Maureen Dowd (goddess) on August 20:

...You know you're in trouble when Henry Kissinger gives you advice on how to exit a war....

Domestic support [for the war] is waning because the president remains too stubbornly ensconced in his fantasy world - it's worse than Barbie in her dream house - to reassure Americans that he has a plan to get out.

As we approach the 2,000 mark of coffins coming home that we're not allowed to see, it doesn't even look like a war. It looks like a lot of kids being blown to smithereens by an invisible enemy.

And this just in from the AP: The Army is planning for four more years in Iraq. Uh, memo to Barbie in her dream house: YOU haven't got four more years. The clock is ticking on my sidebar, honey.

Naughty Naughty

The Onion gets a little naughty this week. Probably read Blue Gal's previous post and decided to up their traffic, too. Too bad those kind of surfers would have a hard time spelling the v word.

Blue Gal's been listening to internet radio today: The Egg. Jury still out.

Her blog has a regular reader in...gasp, Dallas, Texas. J.R.? Poppa Bush? Some spy? Make yourself known, Dallas! We don't trust Texans round here, 'less yer a transplant like Blue Gal.

Of course one Texan we can never trust. I hate to say it folks, but it's 1969 again. Time to stand up and OPPOSE THIS WAR.

Thank you, Martian Anthropologist. Couldn't have said it better.

Blue Gal's dirty little secret

Blue Gal is using Stat Counter to learn where her fandom is coming from (but not your real identities, more's the shame). 

 Anyway, apart from Blogexplosion, the majority of readers of Blue Gal lately have come from search engines. And to you searchers all Blue Gal can say is, 

panties, panties, panties, panties, panties. 

 If I'd known just one mention of panties would bring so much traffic, I would have called my blog "Blue Gal's panties in a Red State wad". Thanks for stopping by! Just remember...

 

Happy Birthday

He's earned the admiration of some simply by surviving. Plus, it goes with the whole "I hate freedom" leitmotif of this blog. Are your ears on, Rummy?

"It's True, You Boys..." For Girls only.

Okay, Boys do not have to read this post. It's a girl thang you wouldn't understand blah blah blah.

'Kay. First of all, Blue Gal admires anyone who can make a strong and valid argument as to why tampons should be free.

Now that the boys have really left the building, how bout those paralympic rugby players? So hot. This nanny would have a hard time picking between Scott Hogsett and Jude Law. Karen, that Murderball was filmed in BIRMINGHAM. Glad I did not know that then. Ahem.

Finally, Girls. Get a load of a gentleman named sp3ccylad. Here's his answer to Blogger's random question:

You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?

Sack the sky-writer. Hire Michaelangelo instead.

Oh. We love him. Oh yes we do.

And if you are male, and you are still reading this, here is a present for you.

Burning out, burning up

Has Blue Gal lost her footing, the meaning, her focus?

Shouldn't this blog be more Angry and Outraged? And What's With the Knitting Mumbo Jumbo?

Look, it's time to look ahead to the future, ya know, adopt that cute blue mascot and WIN ONE IN 2008!



Except, uh, and I really hate to be the one to point this out, Mr. Dean, but Blue the Donkey reminds me way too much of this retired guy:



And also sorry, Blue Gal is just burning out on the whole insidious evil of the current admin.

Did she just say that?





in other news...

You mean to tell me that even Anakin Skywalker got made by the Presbyterian Church? Wait, I thought only Catholics were having those kinda problems. But here's irrefutable proof:


Oh, here. It's funny and it's from Beirut. Go figure.

Hey, that's just not funny.

Opening Monologue, TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO

"President Bush says he believes Rafael Palmeiro when he says he didn't take steroids, even though he tested positive for them. You know, that whole "weapons of mass destruction" thing is beginning to make more sense now."

That's not funny, but the looks your car is gonna get with this...



Click on the image to order one for yourself.

New Rules

Blue Gal is back in the Red State and my oh my what a Red State it is. Just when Blue Gal thought we couldn't get more fascist, John Bolton gets a recess appointment! You're not allowed on MY teeter totter, Johnny.

So Karen sent me this:



Well, Blue Gal knew the rule about never wear your panties to a party, but she also saves her special panties for special occasions. So what panties will John Bolton wear to his first day at the U.N.? Post your entries here and Blue Gal will announce a winner sometime in the future!

A quiz for you...

1. Condoleeza Rice is

A. Secretary of State
B. A former director for Chevron Oil
C. The name of a Chevron Oil Tanker
D. All of the above, no frickin lie.


2. I heard a caller on Open Source radio last night talking about knitting. Could that have been Blue Gal?

A. Blue Gal has plausible deniability, just like Karl Rove!
B. Blue Gal does not blog about knitting, until now.
C. When Blue Gal starts her blog about knitting, Condoleeza Rice, the Chevron Oil Tanker, will eat her ever fun so lovin' heart out..
D. All of the above, no frickin lie.

A favorite recipe

So far Blue Gal has avoided printing recipes (and plugging other bloggers) but the woman who made cat litter cake for her office deserves a medal and a beer, and the frigging Pillsbury Bake Off winner should kiss her butt.

The recipe is on the July 25 post here.

Just a couple questions...

1. What does the new Supreme Court appointee think about the Downing Street Memo?

2. What do the British police and bombing suspects think about Karl Rove's leak?

Huh? Oh, I guess Blue Gal is just so yesterday.

Life, the Universe, and Blue Gal's Birthday

So Blue Gal did not think this year's birthday (Jul 16), which she shares with Barbara Stanwyck, Mary Baker Eddy, and her own mother, was anything particularly special, until she remembered that her age is also the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Makes a certain amount of sense.

What doesn't make sense is that if Jude Law was gonna have an affair, why didn't he have it with Blue Gal? Oh, because then he would never, and I mean EVER, apologize for even one damn minute of it, Sienna.

Is Karl Rove goin' to jail? Yeah, the thought just gets our Blue panties wetter than a philandering Jude Law, dunnit? Well, it ain't gonna happen and Blue Gal don't even think he'll get fired over it. I mean, ex-squeeze me, but it seems to me you can't punish just one guy in this administration for sacrificing national security to further the President's political agenda. Isn't that what this whole fricking war is about? [But let me just groove for a minute on Karl sharing a cell with Bob Novak. Aaaah, that's good.]

Call her a cynic, but Blue Gal thinks these bozos just put up a united front and read the on-message card in their pocket (Which Karl wrote himself, natch) and the public gets bored and everybody just moves on to whose gonna win Survivor Sixteen. And don't get too cocky, Blues, the bastards learned this trick from the Clintons. So did Jude Law.

Stay cool, beautiful Anne. We love ya.

Oh, and today's my parents' 43rd Anniversary. As my dad would say, that's more than nine months, save ya some math.

Blue Gal in a Blue State

Yeah, yeah, Blue Gal's been blowing off her blog.

She's in a blue state without high speed internet. Strangely freeing is this.
She's getting the New York Times daily and the editorial page is making her feel like the world is sane, which is dangerous.
She's back from Boston and too busy with her children's laundry. (Memo to my favorite production coordinator: Don't get me started!)

So if yer missin' Blue Gal, fret not. Go get a FNYT. (Thanks, Bob.)

And the appropriate response is?

LONDON (Reuters) - Four years after the Sept. 11 attacks on New York and Washington, human rights are in retreat worldwide and the United States bears most responsibility, Amnesty International said on Wednesday, calling Guantanamo prison "the gulag of our times."

Folks, this used to be our President:



He won the fricking Nobel Peace Prize in 2002, and he not only knew what human rights are, he knew his responsibility as PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA was to fight for human rights around the world. Oh, and he also knows how to spell human rights. (Sorry for the cheap shot, Dubya, but Blue Gal is just a little PISSED OFF at you at the moment. She dug out her copy of Checkpoint she's so pissed off.) And lissen up, you red state lurking iceholes, Blue Gal has not forgotten the Iranian Embassy Hostage Crisis of the 1970's neither has she forgotten that none of those hostages were threatened with electrocution or shackled to a ceiling. Come to think of it, those hostages were Americans, and they were not blown up by a roadside I.E.D. while looking for non-existent W.M.D.'s either.

Okay, so this is the President we have now:



And Blue Gal's response to the whole thing is like when she was shaking a poopie diaper in the potty and some baby poop fell on her open copy of the Oprah Magazine where it talked about "living your best life." Yeah, she feels exactly like that.

Why Blue Gal is against global warming

Blue Gal has been invited by Henry (ooh, is it Baby Henry? I looove Baby Henry!) to join a virtual march against global warming. er. Okay. That way, I won't have to expel emissions by driving to the march. (Well, like most sentient creatures, Blue Gal does occasionally expel emissions on foot, but so far bgalrstate.blogspot.com is a fart joke-free zone, so let's keep it that way, kay?)

Any hoo, those of you who want to join me against global warming may do so here. (Thank me for not making a deposit in your email box.)

They asked Blue Gal why she was joining the march. Well, it's not 'cause Robert Kennedy Junior is such a hottie. No, Blue Gal reserves hottie activism for Brad Pitt (see banner ad on the sidebar below), who, by the way, she totally forgives for the leaving that low talent tv actress for the second* hottest soul mama on the planet.

Anti-global warming is a no-brainer, isn't it? Oh, that's why Blue Gal joined. Because, well, so is our President.

*readers of Blue Gal ain't askin' who the first is...

Dammit, Blue Gal likes Ike

"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are...a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."
- President Dwight D. Eisenhower, 11/8/54

They also happen to be in charge of the whole damn country in 2005.

Blue Gal sends a smooch to David Sirota.

Please update your bookmarks/favorites!

Blue Gal has moved. The new url is

http://bgalrstate.blogspot.com

[Bloglet Subscribers will still get their subs at the new addy.]

This way, a certain state board of education will never find her.

Thanks much,

Blue Gal

Oh, all right, one more message to the State Dept of Education:

A peek inside Blue Gal's email...

So Blue Gal's readin her email and these two thangs just caught her brain at exactly the same time and she's thinkin, coincidence?

"Last Sunday, Pat Robertson went on national television to say liberal judges posed a greater threat to America than the Civil War, the Nazis or "a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings."

And then Blue Gal got an email regarding this pleasant summer read. Mebbe Blue Gal will send a copy to Pat Robertson. [Be sure to read the Publisher Comments, folks.]

Doesn't anyone remember when Poppa Bush told Robertson to put up or shut up during the 1988 primaries?

We must have faith, though. Look at what's happening to our dear friends at ClearChannel. Evil will destroy itself...watch the money, people.

Now, children, there's no need to get nasty...

Three children who need to be in Blue Gal's time-out chair:

1. Sen. Salazar, when you say Focus on the Family is the antichrist, please don't back down so quickly. You may have been right the first time, and Blue Gal is prone to whiplash.

2. We don't know when you did this, Mr. President, but it was on camera. You're in time out. It was long ago? So were those pictures of Terri Schiavo smiling that were shown non-stop on Fox, Mr. President.



3. Whoever designed this. Yes, I know. Mommy laughed. That doesn't mean it's funny.

Screened?

"Okay boys, I've got my Daisy Duke's riding my crotch, since that's the universal signal for "female looking for love" but ooh, I must peek through the blinds while pointing my ass to the camera to signify my hope that there's no felons or marrieds answering my ad." They can screen for felons and marrieds but somehow forgot to screen their ad agency for intelligence.

And whenever she is tempted to feel jealous at the beautiful young bodies of this world, Blue Gal reminds herself that she has degrees from places this girl can't spell.

How could we make this stuff up?

Bill Frist, that erring on the side of life hero in the Terri Schiavo case, actually spent his years at Harvard Medical School pretending to adopt cats from the Humane Society and then killing them with his own medical experiments.

Wanna read the sick details? Here.

Blue Gal now orders everyone on the planet to refer to Bill Frist as "that cat killer."

And Blue Gal has one other question, people: Have we landed on another planet and we just didn't notice?

Oooh ma gawd...

Blue Gal smells a tipping point. John Kerry channels Jim Wallis and it's almost a Morning in America moment.

Watch the video here. How many "values" did you count?

And is Tom Delay just, gosh, so Nixonian? I mean, Blue Gal thought John Dean was sexy when she was ten years old!

Who said this wasn't gonna be fun, kids? We are watching the Repubs flush themselves...this once-every-thirty-years comet doesn't come along often enough, so don't miss it! This is gonna delay (no pun intended) old Daniel Schorr's retirement another five, betcha.

Blue Gal's new bumpersticker. Okay, I created it myself in Word:

One more Yankee transplant, gay-loving,
weak defense, big spending liberal for Jesus.

Should go over real big here in Birmingham, Alabama.

Sorry, I like my Catholicism over easy.

Blue Gal was feeling pretty good when she got an email (fer real) from her buddy Michael Moore, ya know, just checking on me and wondering what his next step should be (fer real). The text of his email is as follows

Friends,

How's it going? Ready for the next step?

Let me know what you've been up to and any ideas you have about what our next move should be (write me at the addresses below).

Meanwhile, I'll be in conclave this week handing out goodie bags and running for pope. Wish me well!

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
Mike@michaelmoore.com
www.michaelmoore.com

Oh Mike honey, what happened? Fahrenheit 9-11 condoms in the goodie bags? What were you thinking?

Blue Gal was so hoping for a laid back church, ya know, follow up John Paul with a finger snappin' Pope George Ringo, with sidebets on Pope Giblets.

But this! Benedict the Sixteenth and he's like, from something outta Hogan's Heroes? A friendly Nazi? Bavarian? and um, stricter than Sister Mary Queen of Hearts back at Our Lady of Perpetual Brainwashing? Off with their heads theology?

Sweet Jesus. And ya know Blue Gal means that literally.

Are we having immigrant problems yet?

Memo to those wacky Minutemen:

Ya know, everything would be much better in this country if the natives had spent more on border control and had stronger anti-immigration policies.



See the full size map here.

Best question I've heard this week.

....how about "erring on the side of life" by bringing our soldiers safely home from Iraq?

Blog de la Resistance is after my own heart. She's a knitter who romances an old fart Norwegian, too. My missing evil twin, n'est-ce pas?

She and I will have to fight over the 'evil' part on a later post.

Confrontations and delay, er, deLay

Blue Gal had a confrontation with a co-worker over the whole Schiavo thang, and it just ticked her off until the co-worker said Fox News was a "balancer" with _all_ the other news media. Then Blue Gal noticed co-worker's skull was empty, and she stopped being mad all of a sudden. Hmm.

The Raisin has the privilege of not associating with many skull empties. One of his associates recently emailed him:

I tend to agree with you that any announced effort by DeLay or others to curb court jurisdiction, or to reallocate between state courts and the feds, will not get off the ground... And there may be another reason. Even DeLay has to realize that any in-depth discussion of the judicial function -- on cable, in the papers, or in other forums -- is likely over time to educate the American public about the legitimate role of the courts, in both common law and constitutional adjudication, and eventually would reveal the ad hoc lunacy of what Frist and others (including some Dems) tried to pull off recently. I may be naive in my belief that the marketplace of ideas, when dealing with accurate information and composed of more that sound bites and shouting, ultimately generates good sense in the American people. I question whether DeLay would want to take that risk. I think you're right; he and others will ratchet up the demagoguery of judicial selection so that they can throw around accusations about judicial activism, without generating careful inspection of who the real activists were this last time around: certainly not the judges!

Blue Gal does not think Raisin's friend is naive at all. It may take decades, but we cannot be outFoxed forever. And we activists are not sitting on our skulls (or in front of our televisions) while we are watching for the long cold night of shame that awaits our nation.

Blue Gal's been busy...

Blue Gal has not posted in a while, as she has been busy travelling to see Raisin relatives in South Dakota.

She has also been in mourning. Lew Alquist, well, I've loved him since I was thirteen years old. Forgive me, Lew, I just can't find the words.

Lew would have found dark humor in the Terri Schiavo case. He did not believe in any dichotomy between man and machine, and his message at work said he brought in food and water for the answering machine...

The Atlanta-based 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said it best on this one:

...in a scathing attack on politicians who got involved in the case, the court added that the White House and lawmakers ``have acted in a manner demonstrably at odds with our Founding Fathers' blueprint for the governance of a free people - our Constitution.''

I just wish those judges could put Fox News off the air as an unconsitutional public menace. But as Fox management would be quick to point out, there is that first amendment thang, isn't there? Well, maybe Blue Gal doesn't love freedom, didja ever think of that, huh? At least Blue Gal thinks freedom of speech should not apply to lying and exploiting, plus anything related to Michael Jackson.

Don't worry so much, Mr. President

Dubya is trying to get us "younger" workers worried about Social Security. Blue Gal gave up thinking she's gonna see any FDR style check years ago. That's fer what she married the Raisin.

Ooh ooh. Young workers should be allowed to "cash in" on the stock market with their "guaranteed" benefit? Huh? You mean like when the tech bubble burst in 2001?

Interesting that 2001 was the exact year Congress allowed younger workers to invest in the stock market with tax deferred Roth accounts, so, um, I think we've covered that, Mr. President.

Blue Gal is amazed. Even most Americans are smart enough to see through this one.

C'mon, let's go outside....

Repeat after Blue Gal:

Bono does not need to be President of World Bank.
Al Franken does not need to be Senator from Minnesota.
Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 does not need an Oscar.

And Jesus Christ does not need to be on the State House walls.


Why, oh why, when we find someone who is actually telling the truth, do we need so desperately to legitimize him or her? Jesus did not, repeat, NOT, join Pilate's cabinet, for crissake. I mean, for Christ's sake.

C'mon, let's go outside...

5 to 4? I'll take it.

I'll take more of those 5 to 4 decisions if they turn out like this one: Source: The Washington Post care of sojo.net

"Our determination finds confirmation in the stark reality that the United States is the only country in the world that continues to give official sanction to the juvenile death penalty."

- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, writing in the court's decision to abolish the death penalty for juvenile offenders. The decision cancels the execution of 73 people who committed their crimes before age 18.

And by the way, look here at all them...dare I say it? BLUE STATES!!! But what's that big ugly white blob at the bottom center? Oh, it's Texas. You dems better keep fighting those judicial candidates, boys, or Blue Gal's gonna hafta smack.