Wednesday, December 17

Holiday parties I won't be attending

Above is a scan of the actual ticket distributed door-to-door by a local CHURCH. The thought of taking my children to a nightmare-inducing anti-Semitic horror flick for the holidays? Are they serving fetus-shaped cookies and sammiches after?

Also, I won't be going to the Oprah Magazine's "She's fat again" soiree. Oprah, here's the deal: I don't care what you weigh or how you got there. Your weight loss triumphs and failures are, at long last, simply boring. Be yourself, eat the cake or don't. Whatever.

If you are so fucking shallow that you are going have black people at your party as a fashion accessory, please indicate that on the invite, so I can stay home. That is, unless Oprah is bringing dessert. Then I'll be right over.



  1. I don't get it, everyone is going to church to watch a snuff flick? My how things have changed since I was a kid.

    I never did see that movie, didn't want to be disappointed. You know how it is with movies, the book is always better.

  2. i've never seen the movie. i don't want too. i think gibson has a few screws loose tho i can see the pre-vatican II catachism at work in his mind.

    i know, that's what i was taught in grade school and jr. high under it. vatican II came in 65 before then catholics thought they were the only ones going to heaven AND that the jews killed jesus and were therefore "christ-killers"

    nope, not me. i'd rather skip the holy snuff film if santa mel won't mind!!!

  3. "Snuff flick" -- yes!! You know, I've just had the thought that devout Christians tend to focus on one thing or the other: the example of the living, walking teacher ... or the hideous death of the man.

    I don't do religion ... and whether or not Jesus existed, it's the wisdom and sass of the man that grabs me, not his bloody gruesome end.

    And hey -- I thought that Christmas was all about his birth ...!?

    As for Oprah. Poor thing's got enough money and sway to pull every diet doctor on the planet out of obscurity and into Fat Salvation ... I guess her Holy Grail's in there somewhere ...

    It's pathetic that so many people see Oprah as some kind of savior for their best-skinny selves when most of the world's people are scrabbling for enough nutrition to get them through just another day.

    Oprah wants to lose weight and keep it off? She should take a *real* tour of Africa without the entourage and the cameras.

  4. Still stuck in my parochial school head, from the Baltimore Catechism (pre Vatican II) which I HAD to learn to receive the sacrament of First Communion.

    A sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace.
    I learned some Latin to be an altar boy too.

    I too will never watch that movie.
    IMHO "Jesus Of Montreal" is a much better movie.

  5. Anonymous8:08 PM

    Hey kids, we're going to a Christmas party at church!

    I guess the best gift for the kiddies will be cash to pay their therapists.

  6. Jesus Chainsaw Massacre isn't anything I'd subject adults too.

    As for Oprah, maybe the added weight will make her realize she isn't Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ reincarnated.

  7. i'm waiting for the sequel:

    jesus meets freddie, nightmare on via dolorsa

  8. Anonymous1:03 PM

    You keep me in the optimism realm.

  9. Blue Gal,

    In response to complaints about the film's blood and gore, Gibson produced a less violent version, which I refer to as Passion Lite. Maybe that's the version your neighbors are viewing. You'd think the recent unemployment statistics would sate any cravings for blood. Maybe not.


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